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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off over his comment?

70 replies

WonderingIf38 · 30/01/2021 18:43

My bf and I were talking and I told him we should like each other for who we are. He has made a jokey little comment or two about my weight before. I've let it go each time as he has a way of putting his foot in it and not meaning it.

Anyway, during today's conversation, he said if I lost weight, sex might be easier, that his dick would go in. It goes in fine mostly, there are one or two positions that are tricky, but I'm flexible and we have an active sex life but he often has issues getting an erection, yet sometimes he can get one absolutely fine. I was upset by his comment and retorted that the problem is that his dick doesn't get hard. He's really pissed me off. He should like me for who I am, weight and all. I'm overweight because of mental health issues and endometriosis. I've never mentioned his erection problems in a negative way before and always been very supportive and nice when the erection hasn't happened.

OP posts:
MrDarcysMa · 30/01/2021 23:32

sorry OP it sounds like he's gone off you..... luckily you've probably realised he's a mean piece of shit and gone off him too....

SnoozyLou · 30/01/2021 23:49

OP, sorry but how overweight are you? Some positions are literally more difficult to do if you are significantly overweight.

So fucking what? You go out with a person because you're attracted to who they are now, not so you can mold them into the perfect penis receptacle.

Vile.

Cheesyblasters · 30/01/2021 23:58

Op all this 'says things he doesn't quite mean' is bollocks. He thinks he's saying things in a clumsy way because he thinks he's got a valid point and that he just hasn't explained himself very well.
He doesn't have a valid point. The content of the message is insulting and demeaning regardless of how he might want to word it. He has limitations with sex but he's putting the blame on you. The fact that he's overweight and not in great shape and doesn't recognise it suggests that he has an unpleasantly old fashioned view of it being the woman's responsibility to please the man when it comes to sex. He believes he has the right to hold you to standards that he doesn't have to meet. He's not thinking about your pleasure in this at all.
Why would you stay with someone like that?

Chimeraforce · 31/01/2021 00:08

Good God no need to waste time on that bloke. How rude! See he's already got you doubting yourself. Give it another 6 months and you'll be a shadow of yourself shagging a floppy cock. Ugh.

WitchesGlove · 31/01/2021 00:31

@WonderingIf38

Thanks for your replies. I've talked to him and he insisted it came out wrong and was full of apologies. I don't buy them though. He's no oil painting at all and carries a few extra stone. He genuinely doesn't think before he engages his mouth a lot of the time but I'm tired of it.
Are you actually attracted to him?

(Misses point)

Merryoldgoat · 31/01/2021 00:50

Why would you stay with this awful man?

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 31/01/2021 00:52

I'm all for joking about in good humour but as others have said, making the same kind of jokes about the same thing means he is not joking.

You can do better OP Flowers

Original poster
WonderingIf38 · 31/01/2021 09:30

Thank you for your replies. He said he had erection issues with his ex so it's not just me. Thing is, the erection thing hasn't been much of a problem til the last week I would say. He's very frustrating. He's always saying unpleasant things but saying he doesn't think about it at the time, it just comes out.

OP posts:
TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 31/01/2021 09:36

Dump him, you can do better.

Wolfiefan · 31/01/2021 09:36

That’s bullshit OP. He’s saying nasty things. Adults don’t have things “just come out” of their mouths. He’s deliberately being a shit to undermine you and make you feel shit.
That’s the issue. Not whether he can get an erection.
Why on earth would you be with someone who is so awful to you?

hardboiledeggs · 31/01/2021 09:41

Wtaf! What a terrible thing to say to someone. You can do better than this idiot surely.

Merryoldgoat · 31/01/2021 09:49

He's always saying unpleasant things but saying he doesn't think about it at the time, it just comes out.

Why do you put up with this?

Marmozet3 · 31/01/2021 09:51

Just get rid.

Plussizejumpsuit · 31/01/2021 10:06

He sounds awful. He's basically trying to blame your weight on problems with penatration. But actually it sounds like it's his Ed.

Mumsnet is generally very anti fat. But people are fat and do have sex. Also if he got together with you knowing how you look why would he expect this to change?
This shit about just saying stuff. Why does he get to be so rude? It's no excuse.

OscarWildesCat · 31/01/2021 10:09

You are both as bad as each other

Anydreamwilldo12 · 31/01/2021 10:36

He's obviously a twat OP and sadly he does mean the things he says. He's using your weight as an excuse for his inability to get a proper erection. Putting the blame on you.

Plussizejumpsuit · 31/01/2021 10:41

@OscarWildesCat

You are both as bad as each other
How? This is such a bullshit mumsnet response.
HotChoc10 · 31/01/2021 11:34

Neither of you sound like you like each other.

sonjadog · 31/01/2021 11:45

Do you really want to be with someone who "can't help themselves" make nasty comments all the time?

We can all put out foot in it occasionally, but most people learn from the experience, and genuinely apologetic and are more careful about what they say in the future. This guy is telling you he is either so stupid he is actually incapable of thought before speaking, or more likely, it is all an excuse to keep on being nasty.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 31/01/2021 12:47

Think I'd be ditching him and tell him to go fuck his obviously oh so skinny self, and see if that helps.

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