To wish he would give ‘Its a Sin’ a chance?

[charlie6186]

My ex picked up the kids tonight and mentioned that everyone at his work is raving about the show ‘It’s a Sin’.
I said I had watched it and was completely hooked- I fell in love with the characters and felt so many emotions throughout the series. Being born in the early eighties, I was aware of the pandemic growing up but it was completely above my head. Watching it made me open my eyes to how scary life must have been for people who lived through it and were at risk. I told him that I think it’s an amazing piece of television and he should give it a chance.
To be met with the response of: “I don’t want to see blokes at it. I’m not a batty boy.”
Other than the obvious annoyance of his use of insulting terminology, I’m a bit peeved that he hasn’t noticed that the world has a different outlook nowadays and acceptance and equality is a great thing.
Anyone else know of a bloke who is being stubborn/embarrassed to watch? I feel like he is missing out in a real chance to witness a really moving and much needed story but being held back by his own prejudices (possible embarrassment) to see past the end of his nose.

I have binged it, my DH has seen the first episode and bits of others because he was busy with work and I couldn't wait to watch it! He will watch the rest though. I was telling him the other night that a colleague was watching it alone as her husband wouldn't like it...'he's not homophobic but...'

It was an amazing piece of television and I cannot get it out of my head. I even recommended my 14 yo daughter watch it. I did tell her there were a lot of sex scenes so it was up to her how she felt about that but I feel like it is about something far, far greater than the sex and I know my daughter will appreciate that.

I loved it , very sad.
The point is no one knew how it was spreading at first.
By 1984 , (I am a straight female) I was frightened of catching it because it was a death sentence.
This country used to be extremely homophobic ( it was illegal til 1967) less than 20 years before AIDS.

Sounds like a routine homophobe. He won’t be the only one, sadly.

He makes the point that he's not gay, so why would he watch it. But I doubt he's either a superhero, a cop, a detective etc etc, but probably watches things with those characters in them......

For what it's worth, my rather masculine and straight DP watched it and even cried quietly at the sad bits. Love that kind of genuinely manly man behaviour.

Glad you are rid of your ex, OP. And sounds like you are already aware that your kids are likely going to mirror your views, not those of their father's.

I loved it. Your ex is ridiculous, homophobic and stuck in a time warp. You must be so happy to be rid. I watched it all on All4 - brilliant writing, acting and characters. Utterly heartrending, but also joyous in parts. I felt so odd that I’d lived through the era, but because none of my nearest and dearest had had that experience, I’d felt somewhat removed from it at the time. Beautiful and important TV.

Snoozy They didn't know that it was spread by unprotected sec for many many years. That's the point. And many men were lied too

Exactly. And even once the doctors worked out that a) all of those random conditions suddenly appearing on young men's death certificates were linked by a single syndrome; and b) that the syndrome was spread by bodily fluids, even then the language used around it was not conducive to engaging people or encouraging them to adopt different behaviours. Why the fuck would gay men listen to anything hetero society said to them? When hetero society was putting out bilge like "Is AIDS God's punishment for being gay?" - I shit you not, this was a genuine televised debate from the time, can't remember which channel but there were only three, seem to remember Ludovic Kennedy was involved somehow - and stories about how people who had developed AIDS after blood transfusions were "innocent victims", as opposed to those people who were presumably "guilty" due to being sexually active.

I need to watch this, don't I?

Do you know when Section 28 was repealed? 2003.
Homophobic attitudes have been prevalent in this country for a long time and are not going away (probably not just this country). I went to university in 1983 so lived through the whole thing. It was terrifying , even as a straight, not promiscuous, woman.
Anyone judging any of those characters doesn’t understand the context.

I haven't watched it yet ... sadly I knew lots of men who died from aids during that time. I want to watch it but I know it will bring back lots of harrowing memories.

And, despite living through those years, I know lots of men (& women) who are homophobic - you must live a sheltered life in a bit of a 'bubble', if you don't meet people with those views. .

Men secure in their masculinity don't give a shit if there are 'men doing it' in a TV show. It's a TV show. Watching CSI doesn't mean I'm a forensic investigator. Watching Night Stalker doesn't mean I'm a serial killer.

Knob.

A better title would be “why is my ex such a homophobic arse”

I’m not a penguin but I watched happy feet today.

I haven't watched it yet but plan to.

In terms of knowing men who won't watch it. Yep. My dad, brother and both exes won't watch it. And would use similar language to your ex.

Your ex doesn't sound at all pleasant but someone telling me that I'm "missing out in a real chance to witness a really moving and much needed story" would piss me right off.

Absolutely this.

His comment wasn't pleasant but if someone told me that I'm missing out on something in the way you describe etc I'd think they were as patronising as hell.

Some men feel uncomfortable watching other men together. My dh's opinion from tv to real life is far more important to me.

I haven’t watched it. I don’t like watching gay sex scenes so I probably won’t watch it. That doesn’t make me homophobic - I just really don’t want to watch male sex scenes. Bleurgh. I feel similar about most heterosexual sex scenes if they’re explicit!

No because I don’t associate with homophobic twats.
At least he’s a ex.

@Snoozysnoozy

I'm sorry, have I stumbled into 1985

Well it's not an airborne virus is it? You don't sneeze and pass it on as far as I'm aware. So transmission is mostly via unprotected sex.

They didn't know that in the beginning.

@Snoozysnoozy

LakeGeneva, they do. I have no problem with who fucks who. But if you're going to be promiscuous then wear protection. In fact isn't there a character in this program who is knowingly unprotected sex even though they have contracted HIV or AIDS?

Yes. And it explains why.

What does it matter to you what your Ex watches, I’m sure there will be things he watches that you don’t like

@LakeGeneva

Why do you care what telly programmes your ex watches?

This! Very weird that you are so invested in what TV he likes.

@charlie6186

His general outlook on many things is one of the reasons I walked away. I struggled for many years with him suffering with outbursts of completely unnecessary jealously, financial control, gaslighting, and emotional abuse. He had a drinking problem- I knew it but it was never an issue in his eyes. I eventually escaped and haven’t looked back. I still doubt myself at times as to whether I was over reacting and was too emotional but moments like this make me realise that it was not me, it was him. He wasn’t a nice person at all. My children (13 & 17 and 18+) do still see him- he is their dad and they want to go. They are good kids and I have done a mammoth job of making them into brilliant young adults. But they know right from wrong and I’m proud of how they have turned out considering their male role model.

In general we get on ok when the kids are collected. I was completely taken a back by his comment tonight though. I haven’t seen that side of him for a long time.

What he watches is the least of your problems...

It's worse that he is a dad to your kids with such grim views.

My DP is the one that told me about it, we haven’t watched it yet but it sounds like a great cast and obviously a really important subject matter.

My ex stays in the car and I send the kids out to him, least said the better, we definitely don’t chat about TV.

@JustAnotherOldMan

What does it matter to you what your Ex watches, I’m sure there will be things he watches that you don’t like

I think it was her ex that brought the subject up which is why she recommended it.

I would like to state that he did in fact bring the matter up. I’m not at all invested- but I will make the effort in small talk when my children are collected. After all I am co parenting with this guy and wish to see for myself what I am sending my children to. I did try to be amicable. From experience I have found that if I am not or in any way standoffish it simply isn’t worth it as things quickly become hostile. I will even have him in for a cup of tea while he is waiting as after all we do have children together and my hatred towards him is trumped by the fact that I need to see my children seeing me better than a bitter person.
But I do not have the same beliefs and outlook as him.
In regards to me telling him that he is missing on an ‘ important story’ as in my first post- these were not my actual words to him. I am just putting it out there what my thoughts are for fellow mumsnet tees. My words to him were more along the lines of ‘you should give it a go. It is an eye opener to how things were in the 80s.’

In terms of my post title- yes it should probably be ‘what can I do about my homophobic ex’. But this guy does actually have people close to him who are gay. He hasn’t got a problem with the gay community. He is just quite clearly uneducated and insecure and think that terms like this are still unacceptable. I can assure you I told him my thoughts about his choice of language.