To think that this is worrying from a nearly 4 year old?

[Topsyswervy]

My dc has just told me that 'I'm not very clever', 'not very good at doing things' and that they 'do better things than me'. The other day they held up their (dinner ) knife and said 'I want to hurt you'. They have never come out with anything like this before. They are a very affectionate child and usually full of compliments. I would have been less surprised if they were a teenager ( I don't include the knife comment in this! ) but all of these comments were completely out of the blue and unexpected. AIBU and reading too much into this, or AINBU and right to consider that this is potentially concerning?

I honestly wouldn’t be worried at all. Just tell them that’s unkind and not allowed. It’s pushing boundaries, looking for a reaction stuff.

Although I would probe a bit and see if anyone at childcare (if relevant) talks like this.

Is it a girl or a boy? Your gender non-specific OP is a tad irritating.

Have a calm talk with them about it once they've calmed down. Not a worry in and of itself.

Agree with pp I'd just be boringly repetitive about not telling people you're better than them, not being rude, not hurting people or telling people you'll hurt them. A lot of "we don't say that, it's rude" etc. I think their filter is basically rubbish and a lot of behaviour and provocative statements at this age seem to be to see how you'll react and they're reassured and guided by the consistent boundaries you provide.

Who else are they spending time with?

@WithinAForestDark why does it matter?

Because if it doesn't matter why doesn't OP just say? It's pretentious and twee especially when discussing a 4 year old.

Who else lives with you

I'd be concerned about where they'd picked that up from.

@WithinAForestDark

Because if it doesn't matter why doesn't OP just say? It's pretentious and twee especially when discussing a 4 year old.

Because the OP has the choice as to how they refer to their child and they’ve chosen to use ‘they’ and not he/she. Maybe it matters to them? Furthermore, what does age have to do with what term the OP uses?

Also, sorry OP - I’d probably try a little questioning just to see where they’ve heard those types of things but otherwise agree with other posters of ignoring and reiterating they’re not nice things to say :)

Have they overheard you saying you're not very good at those things, not very clever?

Maybe someone said that to them?

I wouldn't be overly concerned, sometimes kids say horrible things, just using their imagination and testing boundaries

Isit a girl or a boy? Your gender non-specific OP is a tad irritating.

Don't be so ridiculous. It doesn't matter at all one way or the other and in any case the OP probably doesn't want to give identifying info.

I've done it before on posts for the same reason, where I've not wanted to be identified and therefore referred to my DS as my DC and they. What would you rather, that the OP wrote he or she every single time?

@Cdstjooyv Thanks, I agree I don't believe it matters particularly whether or not my child is a girl or boy. @WithinAForestDark This is my first post so possibly I am extra guarded! However I can see that maybe it may help me to know if more posters with a child of a certain sex have experienced this type of stuff. He is a boy.

If it makes you feel better, my sister used to tell my mum she was going to chop her into bits and out her in a bush at the same age.

She is 25 years old now and not a serial killer.

Do you have a partner/DH that lives with you? Do they put you down in front of your DC?

I’d be wondering where they could have heard those phrases - does he go to nursery or pre school? What did you say?

Also thanks @PaddyBateman and @Dreamerbeame. @AStudyinPink @LAgeDeRaisin @nanbread @Cdstjooyv @Radishesandcake Thank you. I thought testing boundaries were likely to have been a part of it, especially during lockdown. I probably need to be more consistent in getting those behavioural messages across. With the knife stuff I was clear that that was not acceptable, but with the other comments I was just outwardly calm and gave little reaction apart from asking him why he thought that. He couldn't really give me an answer! I possibly might have said something like that in regard to a work thing. It is possible he may have overheard something. I need to be more aware of him overhearing. I remember I was always listening to everything as a child! @RJnomore1 @WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants @HorseOfPhillipMoss Just his Dad my dh lives with us. His childcare is closed so he doesn't see many people. He doesn't watch adult tv either. However my Dh does sometimes insult me in a joking way. It's possible he has overheard something like that...

Can you reinforce the things he is good at? Tell him you can put your clothes on, you can climb the stairs quickly. Have a race at something and make sure he wins. I'm more surprised at the comments showing low self-esteem and wondering who he is comparing himself to at such a young age. At 3 my youngest son refers to killing people (without being aware what it means) quite a bit due to playing soldiers with his two older brothers. I would be so embarrassed if he did so at nursery when he returns! Sometimes completely it's funny eg 'that/you will kill me' in response to get your pjs on for bed! At 4 perhaps your son is getting an awareness that his actions have consequences on other people so this is a positive step even though it might not feel like it with him referring to hurting you.

@Sianhapus123 He was insulting me rather than worrying he wasn't good enough! However you may have touched on something there with the self esteem. He always wants to win and is constantly engineering situations where he can be the winner. ( ie a race where he makes us wait at a certain spot until he is at the finish line and then says he has won! ) Everything is a competition to him at the moment. He says he doesn't like the new house we have moved into and is always telling us we are wrong about everything .Obviously not being in nursery and not seeing grandparents etc must have an effect. He is probably feeling vulnerable and doing/saying this stuff to make himself feel stronger, bigger, better etc He also likes to pretend to be a giant( which I never thought about being linked until now).

@WithinAForestDark

Is it a girl or a boy? Your gender non-specific OP is a tad irritating.

Because the OP is choosing not to.

It’s very odd you’ve fixated on this.