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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed by the Duchess of Cambridge's claim that home schooling is 'exhausting'

911 replies

Livingtothefull · 29/01/2021 21:43

www.edp24.co.uk/news/kate-middleton-video-call-parents-homeschooling-challenges-pandemic-7080128

I accept that lockdown has had an impact on everyone to some extent, however privileged. But I can't help being irritated by this. Even if we accept that she is doing the home schooling herself without any help, I don't think there is any comparison between her situation and that of many other people. I am not saying lockdown isn't difficult for her.....but it is a million times harder if you are say a single parent, struggling with home schooling and a minimum wage job which you may lose any time, worried sick about your and DC future if this happens. And doing it in a poky flat instead of a vast country estate.

And I know she may be trying to show empathy with the rest of us. But TBH I would have much more respect for the royals if they would just acknowledge their privilege rather than claim common ground which just isn't there.

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 30/01/2021 20:02

@HikeForward

Threat of losing their income? hmm High pressure jobs? (in normal times yes for that one, but certainly not right now). I'll happily take a few weeks of 'exhausting' homeschooling with a full time nanny, schools that cover the full day with zoom calls, large grounds, and two parents doing minimal work on full pay with recession-proof jobs

I wasn’t referring to Kate here but people on higher incomes in general. I dislike the assumption that you can’t be struggling if you have a big house and garden!

What use is a garden in winter? How does a big house make home-schooling easier than a flat?

Lots of comfortably off parents are juggling home schooling with work.

If you don't know how having a big house makes homeschooling easier than a flat, you haven't got much imagination.

I've lived in both, and am so grateful not to be in a flat now. Less space means dad on a conference call has to share a room with one of the homeworking children, means the kids have cabin fever and no space, means your forever shushing them and can't do the indoor PE lesson or the downstairs neighbour will call your landlord again. Means nowhere to put things after muddy walks, means no bikes to get further out on your exercise sessions, means they're always next to the kitchen and complaining for more snacks, means 2 weeks of isolation is truly mindbending.

And again, the point is that they aren't having to juggle homeschooling and work, given that a huge amount of their jobs is public appearances, and given that they have live-in childcare. So yes, there are well off families having a hard time, and I'm sure it's challenging for them too. But exhausted was tone-deaf.

Livingtothefull · 30/01/2021 20:03

'when we are not in this shitty lockdown she can't take her kids out where ever whenever she likes like we can with ours... she will never have a normal life, ever.'

I just can't think of Kate as one of life's poor victims. I don't wish her any harm at all but I am afraid my heart doesn't bleed. The RF have a wonderful, albeit not 'normal' life.

OP posts:
marbellamarc · 30/01/2021 20:06

If so, do you think people being trafficked/abused/starving in third world countries have the right to tell you to shut the fuck up because they have it worse?

100% but I probably wouldn't be whinging to them about not liking my dinner or complaining about my holiday getting cancelled.

OverTheRubicon · 30/01/2021 20:07

@tootsytoo

Honestly your opinion is really disappointing and honestly quite pathetic you sound jealous.

Why can't she be exhausted? Is she no longer human?

Grow up. If that's how you think then can you imagine how people on war torn countries with no food and water think about anyone in this country seeking help for any of their problems. Do you think they have the right to say in this country we should t complain because of the privileges we have?

Do you ever complain OP, about a anything? If so, do you think people being trafficked/abused/starving in third world countries have the right to tell you to shut the fuck up because they have it worse?

It's not about that though, is it? It's someone on a long boat trip in the first class honeymoon suite telling people who are not only travelling in steerage but paying for her ticket, that boat travel is leaving her 'exhausted'.
marbellamarc · 30/01/2021 20:09

exactly put @OverTheRubicon

marbellamarc · 30/01/2021 20:10

not sure where put came from!

dottiedodah · 30/01/2021 20:14

SleepingStandingUp Sorry ! I of course didnt mean that SAHPs shouldnt feel tired as well!(Gosh I have been one for years too !) Just that its a different type of tiredness really .I know that my friends boss has been on to her re her output! FFS how on earth are people supposed to keep on top of their workload and help DC as well? I know how hard it is to be at home all day with small /not so small DC ,but at least there isnt a demanding boss in the picture as well!

stairway · 30/01/2021 20:15

I think she could have made more of an effort at appearing exhausted. She obviously had someone do her grey roots. At least Meghan had her grey roots on show last lockdown although that might have been because she was pregnant .

HikeForward · 30/01/2021 20:15

Of all the words to choose - exhausting was the worst

Why? Do you think she never feels exhausted?

Maybe she was exhausted because one of the kids had a nightmare and another wet the bed, or she couldn’t sleep because she had a headache or an argument with someone. Perhaps home schooling really drained her that day and her big garden and plentiful tech didn’t help her tiredness?

Is she not capable of feeling frazzled and tired too? Anxious about the state of the economy, or about people she loves getting ill with covid, or the vaccine being insufficient against a new mutation? Wealth is a protective factor, not a guarantee of longevity and good health.

Hmmmm2018 · 30/01/2021 20:17

Why can people not be kind and think just for a bit that everyone experiences everything differently and has their own difficulties to face as they travel through life and not judge others all the time. The Duchess saying she finds it tough is not saying everyone else finds it easy. I read it that if she finds it tough it really is OK for the rest of us to find it tough no matter what our situation. So as a part time key worker, on my day off when I fail to get my child to do their work on the one day they are not in school and I have to do the schooling and we both end up in tears, I can feel OK not to be OK even if I am from a lucky comfortable household. My daughter has been in floods of tears all week at any reminder of her school friends or grandparents that she can't see. But according to people theory as we have a comfortable middle class existence we are probably not allowed to be sad. Kate faces the same lack of actual contact with her family and friends that we are all facing, which is tough tough tough. Let's all be kind to one another.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 30/01/2021 20:20

Wealth is a protective factor, not a guarantee of longevity and good health
⬆️Absolutely completely wrong. Prosperity add to life expectancy. Being poor literally kills
People with an SMI die on average 10year earlier than those with no SMI
Poor people have a reduced life expectancy

BMJ 2019 The Office for National Statistics data show that life expectancy at birth of males living in England’s most deprived areas was 74.0 years in the years 2015 to 2017, whereas it was 83.3 years in the least deprived, a gap of 9.3 years. Women in the least deprived areas of England were expected to live 78.7 years in 2015-17, while those in the most affluent were expected to live 86.2 years

BalloonSlayer · 30/01/2021 20:23

She was just trying to relate and be relatable.

Someone asked her how she was with maths. She said "Minus 5." She has an A Grade A level in Maths.

I suppose she could have said, "Fine thanks, I'm really good at Maths, actually," but just imagine the roasting she'd have got on here if she had!

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 30/01/2021 20:25

Rich disconnected monarchy are inevitably not relatable and shouldn’t try to fake an allusion of relatability

OverTheRubicon · 30/01/2021 20:29

@BalloonSlayer

She was just trying to relate and be relatable.

Someone asked her how she was with maths. She said "Minus 5." She has an A Grade A level in Maths.

I suppose she could have said, "Fine thanks, I'm really good at Maths, actually," but just imagine the roasting she'd have got on here if she had!

Actually, she would have been a far better role model if she'd said something that was both honest and aspirational for younger people hearing it, like 'I quite enjoyed it at school, though I'm definitely not an expert'.

Same with this. She could well have said 'I'm finding homeschooling so tricky a lot of the time, I'm more impressed than ever with this country's amazing teachers' or something, and done some good without being tremendously out of touch.

roisevan · 30/01/2021 20:30

I think it's a bit annoying but also kind of helpful. If Kate is finding it exhausting with all the help she has, than it other people can acknowledge that all parents are finding really hard because it is really hard especially if you are trying to work at the same time.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 30/01/2021 20:32

No.that fake chummy we are all parents muddling through is really contrived

StoneofDestiny · 30/01/2021 20:32

Maybe she was exhausted because one of the kids had a nightmare and another wet the bed, or she couldn’t sleep because she had a headache or an argument with someone. Perhaps home schooling really drained her that day and her big garden and plentiful tech didn’t help her tiredness?. Is she not capable of feeling frazzled and tired too? Anxious about the state of the economy, or about people she loves getting ill with covid, or the vaccine being insufficient against a new mutation? Wealth is a protective factor, not a guarantee of longevity and good health.

Geez - she's not the Chief of the United Nations or Director of the World Health Organisation!

She is the wife with 3 kids, surrounded by a small army of servants, inordinate wealth and privilege and has never had to struggle to find basics like employment, good housing, good schools, good healthcare.

Her 'exhausted' comment was royal PR speak for 'we are all in this together, I'm just like you'.

Aye Right! So you are 😂😂

StoneofDestiny · 30/01/2021 20:38

Rich disconnected monarchy are inevitably not relatable and shouldn’t try to fake an allusion of relatability

Yes - what's worse is that they spend their whole lives wanting to be separated from the rest of us, expecting deference from us and blatantly spending the taxes on the money we earn to fund this nonsense. All the kneeling, bowing, 'sir', 'mam' drivel must surely have had its day when the Queen pops her clogs.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 30/01/2021 20:40

When I see them all confected pretending to like the wee folk I just think,naw
Exhausted? Aye sure you are

HikeForward · 30/01/2021 20:45

If you don't know how having a big house makes homeschooling easier than a flat, you haven't got much imagination. I've lived in both, and am so grateful not to be in a flat now. Less space means dad on a conference call has to share a room with one of the homeworking children, means the kids have cabin fever and no space, means your forever shushing them and can't do the indoor PE lesson or the downstairs neighbour will call your landlord again. Means nowhere to put things after muddy walks, means no bikes to get further out on your exercise sessions, means they're always next to the kitchen and complaining for more snacks, means 2 weeks of isolation is truly mindbending

I’ve lived in both too. I see your point about multiple kids crammed into a too-small space, lack of storage for outdoor things etc, but wouldn’t this have been a problem before lockdown too? Eg constantly shushing them because of neighbour downstairs, nowhere to put muddy things, proximity to the kitchen for homework, lack of bikes, not enough bedrooms; these are daily problems highlighted by lockdown not caused by it.

Space has its advantages but also means more cleaning, more chasing kids around trying to keep them in one place to monitor them, more going from room to room to check they’re working and haven’t slipped outside to play in the treehouse or muddy garden while you were on a call. It’s more expensive to heat, general running costs are higher, parents can’t risk losing their job(s) as they have bigger outgoings.

A SAHP could be just as exhausted as a parent juggling work with school. A mum in a 5-bed house with huge garden could be just as exhausted as a mum in a 1-bed flat.

Smncandles · 30/01/2021 20:50

Good analogy Rubicon.

One thing needs to be emphasised here and it has only been mentioned twice . Tax payers are paying for this

HikeForward · 30/01/2021 20:56

Wealth is a protective factor, not a guarantee of longevity and good health

Why do you think a protective factor is the same as a guarantee? Statistics give averages, not certainty, especially during a pandemic. Wealthy people often die young, just as many people living in poverty live well into their 90s.

Covid risk factors include overcrowding and multigenerational households, but age, certain health conditions, obesity etc are bigger risk factors than poverty.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 30/01/2021 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tiquismiquis · 30/01/2021 20:59

Her wealth is obviously a hugely protective but at the end of the day she has a 7,5 and 2yo. I think anyone with small children is allowed to feel exhausted.

No-one knows exactly how much help they have, how much they try and do stuff themselves etc.

Sloth66 · 30/01/2021 21:01

Unelected, completely unaccountable, the RF have no place in a modern democracy.
They own and / or have use of numerous castles, stately homes and mansions.
Charles alone has at least 6 properties, servants to attend his every whim and leads a lifestyle of unbelievable privilege and excess. Taxpayers fund this nonsense, time for a change.

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