To be frustrated with DH for wanting to move?

[Frenchymom]

AIBU for not wanting to move whilst pregnant or with a new born? We have a lovely home that we have finally finished renovating and we cannot afford to move up the ladder, only across or down.
I’m 16 weeks pregnant with our first child and DH is having the estate agent round this weekend to take pictures. We remortgaged last year and instead of paying the things we told the mortgage advisor we’d pay off, DH decided to buy his siblings a house which I was fine with. But now he wants to move to a cheaper house that is a full renovation project and also wants us to live there whilst I’m either heavily pregnant or with a brand new baby.
Oh and the house he wants isn’t even on the market yet so he is doing this for a home that the estate agent mentioned may come in due to probate but the woman is still alive!
AIBU for just wanting to stay in this house until I go back to work after baby?

YANBU. Is your DH worried about money and maybe that’s why he’s in a rush about it?

Have a chat with him and work out his motivations.

Is he generally a restless sort always wanting a project?

Are you on the mortgage? How dare he take out a loan against your house on order to buy someone else one.

Wow. No way. Why on earth did he buy his sibling a house?

Why don’t you get a say? In our house moving (or spending money in amounts like a remortgage) is a joint decision. Have you told him clearly that you don’t want to move? If so and he’s gone ahead anyway then I guess you have to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you.

He just wants a bigger house with more potential to extend as we have done everything we can to this house. We are fine for money but just can’t get a bigger mortgage as only remortgaged 9 months ago and didn’t pay off what we were meant to due to him wanting to help his siblings out.
I’ve explained to him that had he done what he had said he would and used the money how it was intended, we probably could be looking at moving to something more suitable for a baby but that we could extend. He’s looking at something that’s 40k cheaper than ours and a full rip out refurb and extend.
So frustrating but now I’m the selfish one

Just say no. "We are about to have a monumental life change in the form of our baby. We will revisit this conversation after they've turned one"

Well if you can't get a bigger mortgage, how are you going to pay for a 'full rip out, refurb and extend' on £40k minus moving costs?

Sounds exhausting. Maybe you should encourage him to find another hobby that's not DIY. I hear cycling is popular amongst restless DHs.

Oh and the house he wants isn’t even on the market yet so he is doing this for a home that the estate agent mentioned may come in due to probate but the woman is still alive!

It could be months before this house is on the market, if it happens at all. What your husband is doing is utterly pointless.

This is what I’ve been saying. He’s saying we’d do it room by room which means I’d be in a building site for the whole of my Mat leave.
Honestly causing me so much anxiety.
He’s furloughed at the moment so it doesn’t help that he has so much built up energy whereas I’m a full time front line key worker and just cannot deal with the stress of estate agents etc...
Thanks ladies- comments much appreciated x

OP,

You sound very passive.

Are you being bullied.

He remortgaged in both your names and gave the money to his sibling?

Did he get your full agreement?

It sounds as if you are being bullied and he is being financially abusive.

Is this a possibility.

Have you family and friends to support you.

You are having a baby and instead of enjoying the baby and your comfortable home, he wants to swap this for a building project?

So he will be doing building work while you look after the baby.

Do you work?
Don't give up your job.

You sound very vulnerable.

This is not normal nor reasonable.

I can't imagine a good man doing this.

Be very careful.

I moved while pregnant and was very clear that it had to be somewhere we could just move into (having been scarred by a nightmare renovation previously). DH sometimes pines for the ‘perfect’ do-er upper that came into the market while DC was in NICU and I have to keep reminding him that there’s no way we could have coped with renovating on top of everything else. Even if DC hadn’t been in NICU for 3 months, I would have hating the idea of living on a building site. Dust gets everywhere. And it’s more difficult to relax and bond.

His idea is really not sensible, he needs to shelve it for a few years. You need things settled and safe and clean for your new baby, otherwise your stress levels will be through the roof. That’s not selfish.

Im anything but passive but thank you for the concern.
When we originally bought the house he put more money in than I did which is what he has drawn down on to help his siblings.
I’m not being financially abused. I earn my own money and contribute 50% and no more.
This thread is about my annoying DH who is itching for another renovation project and I would rather wait until I have had my baby and gone back to work/ put baby in nursery so we are not at him all the time.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Is he generally a restless sort always wanting a project?

Are you on the mortgage? How dare he take out a loan against your house on order to buy someone else one.

This ^^ you're fine with it? I'd have gone apocalyptic if my bloke pulled this stunt. How dare he !

I'm moving house in a couple of months and I'm 17 weeks. We wouldn't have if we had the space you do. We also recently sorted a new mortgage so it's costing quite a lot. But a 1 bed just isn't feasible for very long. YANBU but moving whilst pregnant or with a child isn't the worst thing in the world. It just sounds like you really don't need to.

Are the siblings renting from you or paying the money back?

DH decided to buy his siblings a house which I was fine with.

**

Not that that is anything to do with the issue, its just odd.

Did he owe them money?

This thread is about my annoying DH who is itching for another renovation project and I would rather wait until I have had my baby and gone back to work/ put baby in nursery so we are not at him all the time

^^ This. You can't be trying to get a newborn sleeping with him hammering and drilling within earshot. Is this your first baby? He's not thought it all through very well has he?

It would be a flat no from me. We bought a house that needed quite a lot doing to it when I was pregnant and with a toddler. It turned out well as years later it’s our fab forever house but remember sitting in the garden crying. Dh decorated and he used to ask my opinion on colours etc and I could not give a shit left it all up to him. I was maxed out with prem newborn and toddler no headspace for faffing around with paint colours and left him to it. Just redecorated now as kids now teens!

@ElizaLaLa they will pay it back. It was to support them getting their first house together.

@MsTSwift this is what I’m anxious about. I know it’s a great opportunity as will be a fantastic home but I just want to wait ha.

Register an HR1(Home Rights) form with Land Registry which will prevent him from selling the house without your permission if the house is just registered in his name.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/notice-of-home-rights-registration-hr1

If he's furloughed, it's unlikely you'll get a new mortgage approved. We struggled to get the bank to agree to port ours. Neither of us have been furloughed. Banks are being very tight and stricter at the moment.

Just put your foot down and say that you need to stay there until baby is older and that it will give you a chance to save more money !