Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated with DH for wanting to move?

80 replies

Frenchymom · 29/01/2021 08:54

AIBU for not wanting to move whilst pregnant or with a new born? We have a lovely home that we have finally finished renovating and we cannot afford to move up the ladder, only across or down.
I’m 16 weeks pregnant with our first child and DH is having the estate agent round this weekend to take pictures. We remortgaged last year and instead of paying the things we told the mortgage advisor we’d pay off, DH decided to buy his siblings a house which I was fine with. But now he wants to move to a cheaper house that is a full renovation project and also wants us to live there whilst I’m either heavily pregnant or with a brand new baby.
Oh and the house he wants isn’t even on the market yet so he is doing this for a home that the estate agent mentioned may come in due to probate but the woman is still alive!
AIBU for just wanting to stay in this house until I go back to work after baby?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 29/01/2021 13:17

He’s nuts and you are enabling him

Gazelda · 29/01/2021 13:20

If you market your house and get a buyer, how are you going to stall the sale? I can't imagine they'll agree to wait until this other person dies.
This is absolutely bonkers.

NotFabulousDarling · 29/01/2021 13:20

Having moved house across continents when I was 7 months pregnant and fixed up a house that needed a bit of work, I was all ready to vote YABU until I saw this was a full fixer upper.
Nope, nope, nope.
You both have to be on the same page for something like that to work. He should know there will be plenty of time to do things like that after the baby comes.
I also think it's really inappropriate for an estate agent to tell your DH that another house will be up for sale when the owner dies. a) How does she know the owner is going to be dead this year? and b) How does she know she will be the one selling it?
Honestly it sounds like a scammy estate agent trying to get you to sell your house and you'll end up pregnant and renting while this whole sorry mess gets sorted out.

wibblewombat · 29/01/2021 13:24

We have several friends like this. It's the eternal project thing. He'll move once the next one is done. Get him to flip a little one, don't live in a building site with a baby. The dust will wreck their lungs

Youseethethingis · 29/01/2021 13:26

Time to put your foot down hard.
I moved house at 8 months pregnant to a house that was perfectly serviceable. Even that was a massive strain on me physically and emotionally, so fuck having a full building project to deal with.
He’s either monumentally stupid or monumentally selfish. Which is it?

HeckyPeck · 29/01/2021 13:34

I’ve explained to him that had he done what he had said he would and used the money how it was intended, we probably could be looking at moving

I would just keep repeating this whenever he mentioned moving. "Oh I know, it's such a shame we can't move because you didn't stick the the original plan. Oh well. We can look to move once your siblings pay us back."

Imagine what your mortgage lender will say when you tell them your moving but haven't paid back the debts you said you would and in fact lent the money to someone else. Or if you don't have a loan agreement in their eyes you'd have just given that money away.

MrsMoastyToasty · 29/01/2021 13:39

Are you a legal owner of the property?

Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm sure the EA can't market a property unless both owners agree.

MsTSwift · 29/01/2021 13:42

Why did someone quote me on something I totally didn’t say ? 🙄

MumW · 29/01/2021 13:46

Moving, doable if you are prepared to accept the added stress of a newborn.
Total renovation, absolutely no way.
Stand firm. If he needs a project, then your DC will need daddy built from scratch play house/climbing frame/swing/sandpit(lid essential) sooner than he realises.

Sally872 · 29/01/2021 13:49

It is alarming he has an estate agent taking photos if you have not agreed to sell. That does not seem fair.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 29/01/2021 13:55

I think that he is setting you up to be the hitman for the poor old lady still living in the house that he wants!

Seriously, OP, it sounds like a huge amount of stress just waiting to fall on you. Can't you get him to see that?

Tell him there is no reason for an estate agent to be coming around, as you have no intention of moving...

SnuggyBuggy · 29/01/2021 14:09

This whole situation is weird. Am I the only one whose siblings don't buy them expensive stuff like houses?

If he likes renovating houses so much why not just do so for other people as a job? Why do it with your house at an awkward time.

Avenueofcherryblossom · 29/01/2021 14:24

Your DH could have used the mortgage money he gave to his siblings to buy a small project to flip. His passion for renovation would be met and you would hopefully have the original money and a profit.

How long will it take the siblings to pay you back?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 29/01/2021 14:24

@MsTSwift if you mean me, I didn't quote you, I was quoting something the OP had said, but she had @ you in the quote which probabsent you a notification. Apologies, I didn't realise the quote function did that until a few days ago either.

June628 · 29/01/2021 15:00

Bless you OP that’s really hard.
We moved when I was 6 months pregnant to a house that on the face of it didn’t need much doing but even that ended up in new carpets, painting every room etc etc. I was very tired & sick so was no help whatsoever, my DH did it all by himself. I can’t imagine living somewhere that actually need renovating especially not with a newborn. Doesn’t sound like the timing is right for you at all.

MsTSwift · 29/01/2021 15:10

Ok no worries !

ItsIgginningtolooklikelockdown · 29/01/2021 15:21

Cancel the estate agent

Arobase · 29/01/2021 15:25

I'd be concerned that your husband wants to use the new project as an excuse not to help with the baby. Maybe point out to him that, if he has energy to spare, that is how he can use it?

notapizzaeater · 29/01/2021 15:29

Is he expecting you to help as well ? Has he actually been around babies before ?

2020iscancelled · 29/01/2021 15:30

Hell no.

Also consider that if he goes back to work in the middle of a refurb and you’re on maternity and “at home” guess who will be responsible for managing the tradesmen on site and all the comings and going’s.....

Not a chance sorry!

MrsMoastyToasty · 29/01/2021 15:49

@2020iscancelled

Hell no.

Also consider that if he goes back to work in the middle of a refurb and you’re on maternity and “at home” guess who will be responsible for managing the tradesmen on site and all the comings and going’s.....

Not a chance sorry!

This only works if you are appearing on Grand Designs
GabriellaMontez · 29/01/2021 15:57

Aside from how ridiculous this whole thing is...

You dont do a big renovation room by room. For eg, the electrician spends a few days doing all the electrical work everywhere. Etc you cant compartmentalise a fixer upper.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 29/01/2021 16:03

if he is bored because he is furloughed, why can't his next project be bringing up and caring for his child?

MrsMoastyToasty · 29/01/2021 16:10

Do you have a legal stake in your current property?

Keratinsmooth · 29/01/2021 20:39

The dream house isn’t even on the market? He’s putting his plans on someone dying, house goes on market and you live in a building site? He’s a docking idiot. Total dreamer. We’ve lived through building work, it’s dirty and shit.

Swipe left for the next trending thread