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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think students above Y9 of critical workers don’t really need to be in school

99 replies

Feelingsosadandguilty · 28/01/2021 08:14

Just that really. Work in a school and the numbers of students this time around is crazy. Looked at the numbers yesterday and many are years 10 & 11. We regularly get calls from parents of the older year groups wanting a place as their child’s friends are there so they would like a place. Yes there are a few cases where they may really need that place for personal reasons but surely a 14/15 should be able to stay home. The message just doesn’t seem to get through that you should only send you child to school if you really have to not for a social with their friends. The abuse we are getting for advising this is unbelievable.

OP posts:
TingTastic · 28/01/2021 08:18

I thought critical worker kids rules were 14 and under? Obviously it could be different with vulnerable children

Marinaloves · 28/01/2021 08:19

Your just going to get a million people saying their kids couldn’t cope on their own.
They have SEN / they are not safe alone etc etc etc
They need it for their mental help, they’re missing friends!

So you’re going to lose this thread very quickly!

Hotcuppatea · 28/01/2021 08:20

I thought we put this shit to rest a few weeks ago.

You have no idea what the personal circumstances of these families are or why they are asking for places for their children. Keep your nose out.

HappyFlamingo · 28/01/2021 08:21

If one parent is wfh I agree with you.

If both parents are working outside the house full time, I don't think it's right to leave a 13 or 14yo completely alone all day and every day.

playthegame · 28/01/2021 08:22

Our senior school said at the start of this closure that years 7 and 8 would be prioritised for key worker places. All other years there is an expectation that they are able to work from home.
Obviously I think rules are different for SEN children and those with EHCP.

IMO, this is totally fair. My twins are year 9. They are perfectly capable of remote learning. I am on Mat leave at the moment but if I was at work (key worker) I am confident they can be trusted to be home alone and working.

DDiva · 28/01/2021 08:22

YANBU however I do feel that children of genuine frontline key workers might need additional emotiomal support.

HelloDaisy · 28/01/2021 08:23

My nephew goes in every day and he’s in year 11 otherwise, by his own admission, he would stay in bed all day.

OppsUpsSide · 28/01/2021 08:23

I’d be concerned if my child that age needed supervision to work towards their exams and see it as a parenting issue for me to address with them, but many people view it differently.
I will caveat that by saying mine don’t have SEN which of course makes a difference.

m0therofdragons · 28/01/2021 08:26

My friend’s year 10 son is in school. She has 4dc (3 primary age) and working in a prison. Year 10 son was taking advantage and not working so school head teacher told him he would be in school. Lots of other issues but basically I’m saying you have no idea about other family situations. My own 13yo is totally fine at home... just because she is doesn’t mean everyone else is.

FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 28/01/2021 08:27

Absolutely we are both keyworkers and even DD who is year 6 is perfectly fine being left (with her 15 and 13 year old siblings) for the day.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/01/2021 08:29

I don't think I could have kept myself on track academically at that age without some supervision and support, either from a parent in the house, or from being at school. And I was fairly studious, if immature.

It's not that I would have got up to anything worrying, it's just that I would have procrastinated, pootled, fallen behind, got anxious, etc.

Original poster
Feelingsosadandguilty · 28/01/2021 08:30

@Hotcuppatea Sorry I didn’t read that a few weeks ago. My point is there are parents calling that we do know the circumstances and the students. After all they have been entrusted in our care for the past 4/5 years and believe me you know the ones that are trying it on.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 28/01/2021 08:30

It depends. My friend's DC is year 11 and not motivated at all. She had a call from school to say that he had missed 10 lessons last week because he hadn't bothered logging on - citing internet issues as an excuse.

CrackersDontMatter · 28/01/2021 08:31

My yr 11 dc is in school. She has four younger siblings, making seven people in the house. It is not a big house. We don't have a study or a spare room. There isn't anywhere quiet for her to study. Downstairs is open plan. She shares a bedroom and as it is in the loft, the WiFi doesn't reach well enough to support a video call. Google classrooms doesn't work on her laptop and we don't really have enough devices. Yes she is perfectly capable of being left at home alone. In fact if she was home alone, she wouldn't need the school place.

I would much rather she was at home but agree with her year head (who called and offered her the place) that her being at home is not working. She's doing much better now. There are only a few of them in school.

Maryann1975 · 28/01/2021 08:32

I’ve got 3dc. I’ve got 2 of them in school, oldest is in year 10, she’s at home. So although we are entitled to a place for her, we haven’t taken it up as we can deal with her at home. She is struggling massively and I would hate to think that she was alone in the house for 10 hours a day as she is checking in with me between every lesson as she is so lonely. But if my 3dc were the opposite way round and it was the youngest in year 10, she would have had to go to school. She won’t learn anything online. She gets really stressed about it and it’s a bit horrendous all round.

So unless you have spoken to all the parents about their reasons for sending their dc in, it’s probably best not to comment.

Original poster
Feelingsosadandguilty · 28/01/2021 08:34

@m0therofdragons that is my point. Obviously there are cases where they need to be in and we actively bring kids in who need the time away from home to learn and if they are behind with work. My argument is regarding the parents who send them in just to be with friends. We do know many of the circumstances and the ones who need to be in school are and they will be without question.

OP posts:
Scarlettpixie · 28/01/2021 08:35

@HappyFlamingo

If one parent is wfh I agree with you.

If both parents are working outside the house full time, I don't think it's right to leave a 13 or 14yo completely alone all day and every day.

This.
Smileyaxolotl1 · 28/01/2021 08:39

Yanbu at all.

There was a year 13 student in yesterday at my school just because when she’s at home she can’t be arsed to do the work.
Being lazy and unmotivated is the child and parent’s problem, not the schools.

I can see why children without internet/laptop access or with SEN needs might need to be in school.

SophieB100 · 28/01/2021 08:42

I get you OP, same at our high school.
Even had parents call in to complain that their dc are in different bubbles to their friends, and could we move them? Err, no. The reason we have more classes is because so many are now coming in every week, but we still can't have more than 8 in a room. We have four year 10 classes running and 3 year 11. First lockdown, we had no more than 7 of each year group.
They are offered tests, but only about 50% have parental consent.
Amazed bubbles haven't burst already.

Didiusfalco · 28/01/2021 08:43

Maryann1975 I think the op is allowed to comment on an anonymous forum Hmm
I understand op, it’s very different to last time . I think a lot of parents aren’t prepared to ‘get by’ like they did last time. Weirdly at my school it’s not even the same pupils as last lockdown, a completely different bunch. I cant wait for this lockdown to end and go back to normal work.

Looneytune253 · 28/01/2021 08:46

I would argue y7 and above.

FenEel · 28/01/2021 08:51

I have been a little surprised when on walks past the girls’ grammar school (state not private) near my house, to see quite a few older teenagers, almost all girls for some reason, coming out of school, and wondered the same as you OP. I have thought maybe they don’t have the IT equipment at home.

FenEel · 28/01/2021 08:51

Ha! Of course all girls cos girls school! Originally my post said the three schools near me but I realised they were all from the grammar so changed it...

dontdisturbmenow · 28/01/2021 08:54

My nephew goes in every day and he’s in year 11 otherwise, by his own admission, he would stay in bed all day
Then surely, even if working, that's something his parents should sort out! I'd never have tolerated this attitude from my kids.

It's sad his parents feel they have no recourse to this than to be sending him to school and putting people at risk.

SwedishK · 28/01/2021 08:58

I don't think it's necessarily that they aren't prepared to get by but they saw what damage the first lockdown did to their children's mental health and they are not prepared to put them through that again. My youngest DS is in Y13 and he is home schooling fine but his best friend, who was a very happy and capable girl up until 2020, is in school as she has developed anxiety and depression from being stuck at home. The panic attacks were happening almost weekly from spring and the thought of her spending more time studying from home just caused her to break down. No SEN to speak of but still in need of a school place, badly.