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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want lots of pictures of my child on social media?

68 replies

SunSparkle · 27/01/2021 15:11

Hi

I’m due my first baby in the next few days and I’m trying to see if I’m being a ridiculous PFB parent.

I have social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) I’m not a big poster on Facebook or Instagram. Use them primarily for viewing other people’s content or for practical things like messaging businesses or things. Twitter I use mostly for work.

Me and my partner have discussed our new baby and we don’t want to pop pictures of them on social media. Happy to share pictures with family and friends but want them to keep them private.

When we first found out we were pregnant, we didn’t do a big social announcement but shared the scan pic with close family and many of them posted it and tagged us in it which then meant our own friends and work colleagues could see it when we hadn’t told them yet.

Has anyone decided not to put pictures of their child on social media and how have you handled this with family? How did you bring up the conversation without coming across as precious?

I know they will be proud first time grandparents and they don’t see anything wrong with putting their whole lives on social as they thrive off the comments from their friends and family but the idea of my kid having a huge socia footprint before they grow up, being seen by hundreds of acquaintances that I don’t know just makes me feel uncomfortable.

IABU - having pictures of your kid on social is fine and normal. Stop stealing family members joy!

IANBU - family should respect this decision if it’s what we want

OP posts:
vintageyoda · 27/01/2021 15:15

YANBU, I have kept pictures of my children to a minimum ( they are teens now and they choose not to put their own image on social media). Glad I made the decision I did and they can now choose for themselves.
Still, I don't suppose most children will come to any harm because their parents like to post pics. It's a personal choice thing. Stand by your own feelings, it's your decision to make.

HitchFlix · 27/01/2021 15:16

Just tell them. Lots of people keep their DC off SM so they should understand. When you first send them pictures of the baby say straight but breezily. "We don't want any pictures of the baby on SM so please don't post them thanks! x"

Congratulations Flowers

CuteOrangeElephant · 27/01/2021 15:16

YANBU. My DD appears in only a handful of pictures on social media. My in-laws probably think I am precious, don't care. DD is only three and can't consent to having her pictures plastered all over social media.

I share pictures with my family in WhatsApp only and would stop sharing immediately if these pictures went any further.

Original poster
SunSparkle · 27/01/2021 19:21

@CuteOrangeElephant I don't mind sharing on Whatsapp as long as they don't go sharing them all over the place. I'm hoping that makes sense to them but who knows.

Good to hear other people restrict this too. I wondered if i was being really precious.

OP posts:
DimidDavilby · 27/01/2021 19:22

We are the same, just took a couple of gentle reminders initially but everyone was very chill about it. She who holds the baby holds the power!

HappierTimesAhead · 27/01/2021 19:26

YANBU, we made this decision too and although I think it annoys the extended family a bit, I am happy with the decision. My main reasoning is that children can't give consent to their photos being plastered all over the internet. I think there will be many teenagers/young adults in the future who feel angry that their parents shared their images all over social media. It's your child and you get to decide how you want to raise them.

BingPot99 · 27/01/2021 19:27

My parents are all over Facebook but I just said we don't want pictures of DS on there and they accepted it. There are some pictures I wouldn't have a problem with her being on there (eg group shots where she isn't named) but think it is easier to just have a blanket 'no pictures' policy. Otherwise I would get dragged into trying to justify why some are OK and some aren't

tobedtoMNandfart · 27/01/2021 19:32

YANBU. This may sound ridiculous but you do not have their permission.

As soon as mine had had internet safety education in school they insisted they did not want pictures of them online.

Esmeralda1988 · 27/01/2021 19:33

YANBU I have done the same. Only DPs parents are social media users though. They took our request that nothing be put on Facebook about our baby to mean we hadn't told anyone we were having/had her and made a lot of comments about how had we got so many cards when we hadn't told anyone we had a baby Confused
I don't get their generation's obsession with Facebook tbh.

ToffeeAppleCaramel · 27/01/2021 19:36

We also don’t have our child on social media. It’s not been a big deal at all with family (even though some of them post a lot). I also have tag alerts so if anyone tags me, it doesn’t show up until I approve it which is a useful tool to stop any accidental / didn’t realise tags showing up.

TallTowerFan · 27/01/2021 19:36

I agree op. We don't put pictures of our kids on SM.

Be careful with WhatsApp also , they are owned by fb and their privacy settings are changing in February. It appears as though they will store your sent images for an undisclosed period if time from then on.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/01/2021 19:37

Just tell them. Outline how you'd like things to go with SM and why.

People will forget occasionally and make mistakes but they're likely to do their best to follow your wishes.

It's not that hard to post slightly 'arty' shots; of the place they've been, the toys, a hand throwing food to the ducks etc, without having to show the child face-on. Easy enough when you get used to it.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/01/2021 19:40

And if they're part of the exclusive group to which you email photos now and then, they'll feel all the more special.

Redcrayons · 27/01/2021 19:43

They’re ears would be still be ringing from the bollocking I would have given if they posted my scan picture. It’s your private medical information.

It wasn’t such a big thing when mine were little and neither mine or ILs are on SM so it hasn’t been an issue. Though I have asked a friend to remove a pic of one of mine, but he was older and told me he doesn’t want pics on FB.

Say no
Tell them to take them down
Second offence, don’t send any more photos.

Bandino · 27/01/2021 19:43

We don't but have had others do it and tag us in. Dd went to a birthday party age 5 and the parents posted about 30 pictures of her. I was cross but what can you do. So I don't post stuff as I feel it's up to her how she presents herself like that, not me. But I don't think you can realistically stop others.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 27/01/2021 19:44

The practical difficulty is how you are going to stop them posting a picture if you share it with them. By the time you know about it it will be too late

Of course you aren't unreasonable not to want your children's photo on social media, no one can disagree with that , it's entirely you choice until the child is old enough to decide for themselves.

Bourbonbiccy · 27/01/2021 19:44

YANBU, we keep pictures of our son off Social media, we are not in it and our friends and family know how we feel.
We do find out when stupid family members do against our wishes now and again,

jellybe · 27/01/2021 19:45

Not precious at all. We put the odd picture of the kids on social media but not many. We did have to have a couple of chats with MIL about not sharing pics in her Facebook , she didn't get at first that just because she 'knew' Sue from down the road when she was a kid didn't mean we wanted them having access to our kids pictures.

At the end of the day your baby your day. If relevantly can't accept that then they don't get pics of the baby.

Freddiefox · 27/01/2021 19:45

Yanbu, but o think you need to communicate this with your families, and then if you change your mind then communicate that too. I think the problems lie when some follow the rules and others don’t. It becomes a bit muddy.

dumpling123 · 27/01/2021 19:55

YANBU. We don't post photos of our baby and made it very clear to family before he was born that we and they wouldn't be sharing on social media. Our son's image is his data and as he's only a baby, he can't consent yet to it being shared / used so we don't. I don't think it's fair to create a digital footprint for him before he can decide what/how to share.
Great to see this post as I was beginning to worry that I'm being a bit OTT about our policy!
What has really surprised me is the mixed feelings I have about our decision since a friend had a baby who is plastered all over social media. I think it might be related to covid birth and lockdown maternity leave - haven't seen many people to share baby with so feel slightly (and completely unreasonably!!) like he's missing out on interacting with others via social media even though he's not!!
Will be sticking with our decision as logically it's the right thing to do.

Vtech · 27/01/2021 20:17

YANBU. I don’t have any pictures of my baby on social media. My family were happy to follow my lead on that, but for anyone else we just said ‘we would rather keep them off the internet so please don’t post pictures online’ and no one batted an eyelid. Just be really firm but polite and reasonable people will accept it.

LittleBearPad · 27/01/2021 20:19

YANBU at all. Just set some expectations with them from the start.

Sceptre86 · 27/01/2021 20:26

I find the people that kick up a big stink about this tend to be the ones that are active users of social media as they don't understand what the big deal is. For instance I have only recently joined Facebook and use it for a pregnancy group I am on and for the estate I live on. I have not posted any pictures of my children on it. I share pics of my kids via watsapp. I have told family that I do not want my kids photos on social media until they are old enough to decide what they want. Most people should respect your wishes, you are definitely not being unreasonable.

VestaTilley · 27/01/2021 20:27

YANBU.

I didn’t announce I was pregnant on social media, and asked family not to. I shared scan pictures just with family but asked them not to upload anything.

When DS was born we put a family photo on Facebook with the announcement and nothing on Twitter and Instagram. I now often have a profile pic of me and DS (often DS not facing towards the camera) but don’t regularly share pics of him or have a Facebook album with him in.

I share loads of photos with family but ask them not to upload them.

I don’t care for people I was at school with 100 years ago seeing pictures of my child. I certainly share nothing with my Instagram followers, who are strangers.

I really disapprove of parent Instagram accounts etc and think it’s a gross invasion of a child’s privacy to upload pictures of them to social media accounts and blogs, as well as a safeguarding risk. I suspect when this generation grows up there’ll be loads of them furious that they have a huge online presence they knew nothing about.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 27/01/2021 20:27

We won’t be putting pics on social media and will be asking family not to.

I can’t believe your family members posted your scan photo! Based on that, they will definitely need it spelling out to them.