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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want lots of pictures of my child on social media?

68 replies

SunSparkle · 27/01/2021 15:11

Hi

I’m due my first baby in the next few days and I’m trying to see if I’m being a ridiculous PFB parent.

I have social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) I’m not a big poster on Facebook or Instagram. Use them primarily for viewing other people’s content or for practical things like messaging businesses or things. Twitter I use mostly for work.

Me and my partner have discussed our new baby and we don’t want to pop pictures of them on social media. Happy to share pictures with family and friends but want them to keep them private.

When we first found out we were pregnant, we didn’t do a big social announcement but shared the scan pic with close family and many of them posted it and tagged us in it which then meant our own friends and work colleagues could see it when we hadn’t told them yet.

Has anyone decided not to put pictures of their child on social media and how have you handled this with family? How did you bring up the conversation without coming across as precious?

I know they will be proud first time grandparents and they don’t see anything wrong with putting their whole lives on social as they thrive off the comments from their friends and family but the idea of my kid having a huge socia footprint before they grow up, being seen by hundreds of acquaintances that I don’t know just makes me feel uncomfortable.

IABU - having pictures of your kid on social is fine and normal. Stop stealing family members joy!

IANBU - family should respect this decision if it’s what we want

OP posts:
HarrietM87 · 27/01/2021 20:28

We don’t put pictures of our children online. We’ve never had to tell family this luckily. We use an app to share pics of them with family - there are a few that do this or you can set up shared albums instead.

AnyTimeSoon · 27/01/2021 20:31

Yanbu. I don't have any pictures of ds all over. The people who are important receive them via messages from us. I think its way out of order to post pictures of someone else's child without checking with them first.

Sheleg · 27/01/2021 20:33

It isn't my place to put DD's photos online. When she's old enough for social media of her own (arghhhh) she can decide for herself.

DontYouSpeakOverMyVoice · 27/01/2021 21:20

YANBU at all. Your child, your rules. There are so many reasons why it’s a bad idea to share photos of your little one. Stick to your guns.

We don’t want photos of our DC on social media either. A couple of relatives were unhappy about it initially and some awkward
conversations were had, but they got over it eventually.

We also had the same issue as @Bandino but there was little we could do.

user2021 · 27/01/2021 21:40

YANBU! Only a small handful of photos of my DDs on social media.

My mum knows to ask my permission before she posts a picture on Facebook or Instagram. I'm less picky, but still strict, about 'stories' but pretty tight on photos. She is very respectful of my decision.

Personally can't stand photos of small children plastered all over social media. I just imagine if that was photos of me growing up that my parents had put online... I'd be mortified!

B33Fr33 · 27/01/2021 21:47

Absolutely fine. But bear in mind most relatives have zero interest in pictures too. Kids love pictures of themselves so I'd definitely recommend photo books.

Daphnise · 27/01/2021 21:49

I am always glad when parents never put pictures of their children on social media- that way I don't have to look at them, or pretend interest.

RiverMeadow · 27/01/2021 21:52

I've never posted pictures of any of my children on SM. That's their decision to make when they're older. If people were taking pictures I would say that's fine but no pictures of DC on SM. Some people think it's weird, some people are cool with it. Either way I don't care, you'll soon realise when you become a parent you get a thicker skin overnight. Good luck with your LO OP.

lovepickledlimes · 27/01/2021 22:35

YANBU it is totally your choice. Personally I do plan to post but as I am not a very active poster right now (1-2 posts a year or if on holiday) other then that I don't post. Even instagram it's one post every 1-3 months etc, so not sure how much I would post once I had kids. Only reason I would post is probably sheer laziness of not wanting to have a similar conversation 5-10 times (my family are abroad so would be the only way to stay in touch)

Macncheeseballs · 27/01/2021 22:58

I don't really see the difference between pics of kids on social media or in the local paper, junior football teams, fetes etc

violetbunny · 28/01/2021 06:27

I'm gobsmacked that anyone would post someone else's scan picture online without checking with them first Shock
I would tell them explicitly that you don't want pictures shared, anyone who didn't stick to that would find that I no longer sent them any photos.

kittycorner · 28/01/2021 06:38

YANBU - I’ve kept mine very low profile and years later am still so pleased I have. No regrets.

Cdstjooyv · 28/01/2021 07:24

I post pictures with the back of their heads, occasionally side face but never full. The majority of our families have been accepting and never gone against us. My mother in law has twice now gone against our wishes, we pulled her up every time and told her to remove the images. We didn’t engage in a conversation about it, just politely and firmly ‘that image is too much face, please remove it’. She huffed and puffed but ultimately, our children, our choice. My brother in law has done it once and got into a little bicker with my husband about why he had to remove it, was told that if he refused then we just wouldn’t send him anymore images (he lives overseas).
We’ve also never really explain our reasons unless directly asked. I think it did help that we told everyone while still pregnant and reiterated once they were born.

Ultimately what you choose to put on is your choice. You can be happy to post your baby everywhere but not okay with family doing so. Your baby your rules. As long as you’re doing it with the best intentions, be strong :)

peak2021 · 28/01/2021 07:25

YANBU as are others who have made the same decision.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 28/01/2021 07:42

@Macncheeseballs

I don't really see the difference between pics of kids on social media or in the local paper, junior football teams, fetes etc
The difference is pictures in the local paper are probably a couple of times in the child’s life.

Pictures on social media could be a daily/weekly occurrence. Plus people post pictures of their child in school uniform (so anyone can see where they go to school), plus personal information like their date of birth.

So anyone in the world basically can access your child’s full information and years worth of images.

FenEel · 28/01/2021 07:50

I don’t use FB to “announce” things, but personally am fine with having pics of my children on my Facebook and I don’t mind if others put up their own pics that they have taken as long as they are not doing it constantly.. But if you are not, that is fine and it is your decision. The scan pic thing would annoy me greatly, and I would be annoyed by someone putting up a picture I had sent them when I had not put it up myself.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 28/01/2021 07:55

How weird that they posted YOUR scan picture, what possesses someone to do that? Total attention seeking behaviour

cupofdecaf · 28/01/2021 07:56

We've kept our DC off social media. We WhatsApp/ email friends and family regularly. If they ever posted a picture online on purpose I'd stop.
For me it's partly consent (they can't consent yet) and my job means the less that is public the better.
Family listened to my job concerns better so we've just stuck to that line.
I wouldn't have minded the occasional thing but it's where to draw the line and how to explain what poses a risk (school uniform for example or home address being visible). Much easier to say no photos please.

AlmightyBob · 28/01/2021 07:57

Surely you must be aware that lots of (even most?) people keep their children off social media?

HunterAngel · 28/01/2021 08:03

YANBU. I was very clear with my family that I didn’t want pictures of DS all over the internet and for the most part they have respected my decision. I have posted a handful of pictures where DS’ face is not shown or only half visible. There was one incident where SIL posted a picture of him looking at the camera but as it was a group shot of my in-laws with all their grandkids I shrugged and let it go. Arguing with SIL is pretty much pointless anyway and I’d prefer not to cause a rift in the family for DH’s sake

RoseMartha · 28/01/2021 08:03

YANBU

I have never posted pictures of my kids either. They are young teens now

They post pictures of themselves of course

ChewtonRoad · 28/01/2021 08:08

Two family members use this site tinybeans.com/ to post pictures and videos of their baby. Much more civilised than SM I think.

Jimdandy · 28/01/2021 08:11

I don’t know why people are so self important that they think other people actually care is they can see pics on SM

Macncheeseballs · 28/01/2021 08:13

Jemimatigglewiggle, do you mean date of birth as in new baby pics? And local papers often have pics of kids in school uniform

randomchap · 28/01/2021 08:15

I don't have any pictures of DC on social media. All my family know not to post them too.

When they are old enough to make their own accounts then they can decide for themselves.

Posting your scan picture without your express consent is an awful thing to do.