AIBU to not want lots of pictures of my child on social media?

[SunSparkle]

Hi

I’m due my first baby in the next few days and I’m trying to see if I’m being a ridiculous PFB parent.

I have social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) I’m not a big poster on Facebook or Instagram. Use them primarily for viewing other people’s content or for practical things like messaging businesses or things. Twitter I use mostly for work.

Me and my partner have discussed our new baby and we don’t want to pop pictures of them on social media. Happy to share pictures with family and friends but want them to keep them private.

When we first found out we were pregnant, we didn’t do a big social announcement but shared the scan pic with close family and many of them posted it and tagged us in it which then meant our own friends and work colleagues could see it when we hadn’t told them yet.

Has anyone decided not to put pictures of their child on social media and how have you handled this with family? How did you bring up the conversation without coming across as precious?

I know they will be proud first time grandparents and they don’t see anything wrong with putting their whole lives on social as they thrive off the comments from their friends and family but the idea of my kid having a huge socia footprint before they grow up, being seen by hundreds of acquaintances that I don’t know just makes me feel uncomfortable.

IABU - having pictures of your kid on social is fine and normal. Stop stealing family members joy!

IANBU - family should respect this decision if it’s what we want

YANBU i did a pregnancy announcement on my fb with a scan picture and put a picture up when my DS was born and thats been it. My fb is pretty locked down. After the birth announcement, we decided no photos of him were going on fb. We told my family as they would be more likely to put pictures up. I did have to remind my DM but after she put a couple up she and other family have respected our decision. Haven't seen DH sister as she hasn't met DS yet. Your family should respect tour decision as its your child and like you say, you don't know who is looking. I have 2 friends on my fb that only put photos up of the back of their child's head or a lower body shot/body part shot.

Doesn't everyone's scan picture look the same

Get lifecake / BackThen app to keep family supplied with photos in a closed way (so much better than WhatsApp) and that should help reign in their posting tendencies (also tell them not to...)

Since they already did that with your scan, I would send them no photos of your child. I know with coronavirus it makes visiting harder but couod easily video chat with them if they want to "see" baby. You don't have to image share especially if already shown not trust worthy in this matter and you don't know if they will respect your decision not to splash all over FB. I would also purposely not give them the full name and date of birth as that tends to be put on social media with announcing an arrival. So if Isabella Rose Hampton Jones - just say Baby Bella has arrived.

My friend uses Tinybeans to share pics of her kids with a small group of family and friends. I don't think you can share from there.

I must admit I've never seen or heard of anyone sharing someone else's scan photo. That does strike me as a 'super shary, beyond SM norms' thing to do.

YANBU. My mum is the best: considerate, non-judgemental, helpful with the kids but she could not ‘get’ this. It took slow explaining, always calm, and she’s eventually got there and doesn’t do it any more. In part I think as the culture is shifting slightly but also because she posted them in school uniform so I could really hone in on the dangers with that one.

It will get better. Even my over sharenting friends are understanding that children will grow up eventually and they won’t want pictures of them using the potty for the first time out there for all to see as they start their careers etc. I do believe that this will be our kids generation’s biggest bugbear when they’re older in the same way that we all complain about being latch key kids or having to break through sexism #metoo issues or whatever. I feel for the insta mum’s kids the most

Sharing your scan pic on SM without your permission is beyond rude. Find a way to keep pics within family and friends and off SM and tell them this is how it will be. And if any are found you will be asking them to take them off. If they are really arsy about it you can report the pics so that the company take them off.

They put your scan picture on social media? Fml, I’d be beyond words! Mad! Tell them in advance that your policy will be no social media pics. If they don’t comply, then it’s no pics for them.

I agree OP. I had to have strong words with my diva cousin about this, but ultimately worked out okay. It should be in your control until they’re old enough to consent themselves.

You're all so sweet and have given me much more confidence in my decision.

The scan pic thing - god I didn't even know where to start. I really wanted them to feel involved, and they really wanted to tell people they were going to be a grandparent/auntie etc. But jesus, it caused me some bother and just made me a bit shocked as it just wouldn't dawn on me to do something like that. I think there is a real generational different in how they use social media compared to my partner and I. They seem obsessed with sharing things on it!

We're going to send family members a message just simply saying we don't want them on social media and that we're going to use (insert name of app) to share pictures with them. Hoping it all goes ok!

I imagine we will get a bit of 'what's the harm?' and will just go back and say, well you can wait until they are old enough to tell you it's ok.

Update: Had a chat with all the grandparents and close family and told them that we didn't want them sharing on social media and although I don't think they fully understand, they asked for clarity on what our 'rules' were and seem to be on board.

We've set them all up with an app (Back Then app for anyone interested) as a place to share things with them.

I'm hopeful we're off to a good start, but let's see how it goes a few months from now.

Thank you for giving me the confidence in my decision to have the conversation with them.

Fab update. That's good news that they on board but I would also suggest to start slow with the sharing, so maybe a birth photo if you want to do that (rather than 25 pics of the whole experience with another 10 of welcome home pics - i might be photograph crazy ). That was the few to start can be testers to see what they do with them and if in fact can be trusted etc. I would do reminders with few lot sent about no social media.

I'm glad everyone respected your wishes (eventually!). I agree - I don't know why our parents generation is so obsessed with sharing everyone on SM!

I'm having a similar issue with my newborn. We communicated our wishes for no photos on SM early on, and everyone has respected that up until recently (baby is now one month). My mum, who is a prolific oversharer on FB, posted a two photos without our consent on FB but had drawn a heart over the baby's face and then another with her back facing. I know our baby's face isn't in the photos, but it still annoyed me as we made our wishes explicitly clear. She seems to have semi-complied with our wishes by not showing her face, but we'd just rather nothing on there at all. Am I being to precious seeing as she blocked out her face or is it reasonable to bring this up again with her?

YANBU OP.

I do cringe when I see celebrities with thousands/millions of followers posting pictures of their children's faces without their permission!

Definitely chat to your mum about it. My mum asked a similar question e.g. can I post if I put an emoji over her face. I said no because I said that a) how big does the emoji need to be...would they get progressively smaller, I would have to check that I was happy with each and every photo. and b) I still didn't want photos up frequently as she isn't click bait for her desire to get likes. My mum did post a few photos with her face/without our permission - I did have to have a word and she took them down and I just held firm on our rules. For the most part, it's gone tons better than I expected and I'm so glad we did it and decided on our boundaries.

Now I've got a 16 month old, they are pretty settled in it. I've let them post an occasional photo where you can see the back of her head but I've said 'no' to lots more. When she turned 1 I said they could post a few photos on her birthday to share with family (5-10) and I will do that every birthday. They've got into the rhythm of sharing on Whatsapp to friends (which we're fine with) and taking creative family photos that aren't focused on baby/toddler. My goal is that by the time my daughter is of the age to consent, that there is so few photos online that I could delete them if she asked.

I've also noticed that when my mum has posted a picture (with my permission e.g. showing her little feet) that the comments underneath where she explains why she can't show her face that lots of other grandparents understand and have similar rules with their kids so it's getting more popular and that makes it easier

😂😂😂😂

I mostly keep my two off social media. I might do a post with a photo for their birthdays and Christmas, and maybe 2 or 3 others throughout the year.

I'm often surprised by the things people post about their kids. Often really personal stuff. Like there is one lady on fb who hasn't said a kind thing about her daughter since she was born. And she must be 6 or 7 by now. It's all about how "crazy" the DD is, or she's a "tornado", or "wild". If I was the kid, looking back on mums social media, 10 years from now, I'd be quite sad about the things said about me.