Have you ever been friends with someone who hated you?

[sallyhsnson]

I was friends with someone for 17 years and never had a clue she hated me.
We got on fine together but she would always put me down in a group and try and make me look stupid.
Anyway popped up on my memories two years ago today ..on a night out,dancing together,smiling in pics,stayed at my house etc .
Fast forward 7 months I found out she reported me for benefit fraud (lies ) made false accusations about me to the police (lies ) turned mutual friends against me,made sure I didn't date her friend (with lies )
Even now it doesn't seem real
Anybody else find out a friend was a enemy ?

Have you posted about this before? It seems very familiar. Did she accuse you of stealing your mum's money or something?

@Besiegedbykillersquirrels yeah ,memories popped up today and made me feel a bit sad about it

Personally, never, but it seems to come up on Mn literally all the time. I find it difficult to get my head around to be honest, though some of it leat must be down to the fact that people on here regularly seem to use ‘friend’ to mean something like ‘person I know from the school run/ someone I’m friends with on FB /another member of the large group I go out clubbing with or baby group but whom I never see otherwise.’

How close were you to this person, OP? How long-established was the friendship?

Not anywhere near the same extreme but I did have a sort of friend who turned out to just really not like me. I twigged when I realised she never included me when she organised anything - we were part of the same social group and I would be the only one left out when she organised it, but I'd always include her as part of the whole group. We weren't super close or anything but she would deliberately make sure I wasn't part of stuff. It got so awkward, other people would ask "are you going to Anna's party?" "Will you be at the Mexican on Saturday?" No because Anna organised the meal out and didn't ask me. To this day I have no idea why she took against me so much. I invited her to my 30th as I was inviting everyone from that group and she didn't even reply. She then organised her BIL's party on the same day so people in the group who knew both us would go to his.

I eventually walked away from the social group altogether - and the sports club where we all met in the first place - as she was beginning to turn others against me. I don't see that group of people at all now. Amazing the hurt one person can cause when they just decide to take a dislike to you, eh?

Not the same but I sat next to a girl in a class at high school for 3 years and always thought we got on well.

I found out years later that she absolutely hated me and bad mouthed me all the time. I never had a clue at the time and to this day don't know what I ever did to make her hate me.

im beginning to think i am with my so called best friend just now. always telling me how much she loves me and how much i do for her.
she tells me how tired she is, shes got 4 kids, one under 1 and does all the cooking and cleaning as her dh wont so much as get his own ketchup. but he does help with the baby with the odd feed and a lie in every few weeks so of course hes brill......
weve talked about everything, ranted to each other. she knows i have a degenerative condition which affects how much i can do some days but my dh is brill and does more than his fair share tbh
anyway i digress, she was saying how tired she was as baby doesnt sleep and saying all she does is clean so i said do less, she does clean even if it doesnt need doing, her dh tells her too.
its all fine then randomly the other night she brings up a very old trivial argument (sorted years ago) and the turns round and says that if she does too much then maybe i should do more, especially cleaning yet in the past shes always said i worry too much and as long as my kids are fed, clean and happy its all ok
so im now thinking that she doesnt like me at all, just what i could do for her

I must move in very dreary circles because I have never encountered such drama in real life, beyond being 13

@Kilcaple 17 years,met at work.
Went on holidays together,nights out ,meals ,shopping etc
It's honestly baffled me

Nothing as dramatic as this but when I was a teenager I hung around with the cool kids even though they viewed me with near contempt. At the time I thought the status boost was worth it.

Then I grew up and grew a pair and wouldn’t fucking dream of abasing myself now. Someone who makes you an option not a priority etc.

Don't think so but it's certainly possible. I am not universally loved!

DH was. Someone he thought was quite a good friend turned out to be trying to sabotage him at every turn; we were in a pub one night when someone who knew them both mentioned a particular thing this other man had done to try and mess things up for DH and then it all came out. DH was really hurt.

Yes. She was my roomate in uni. She hated me because she was obese and I was not and her mum kept telling her how I can wear short skirts and she can't. Shit hit the fan when her mom found out I didn't fail any of the exams and she did, so she hated me even more.

Just awful OP
Sounds like how my NC sister treats me

I had someone that befriended me, and with hindsight the red flags were there - it was like in a romantic relationship where someone love bombs you but obviously this was platonic.. anyway, without me realising, she got as much useful info out of me as she could, and then totally stabbed me in the back.

Think along the lines of someone 'supporting' you and being really interested in your new business, then taking every bit of info you gave them, and setting up in competition.

I'll never ever be that naive again. It's made me extremely suspicious and cynical, in fact I have never made any new friends since then as I just won't let anyone get close enough.

Apparently

And I think it was mainly due to her being a very dysfunctional person, figuring out that I knew too much about her and then realising that I am fairly pulled together and happy.

It hurts in a way, because I was a good friend to her and she threw me away. But I don’t actually miss witnessing the chaos and neglect she created for her children.

I don't have enough patience to put up with someone putting me down so no, never happened to me.

Sorry you went through that OP, that sort of betrayal after so many years of friendship is difficult to get over.

DH and I moved to the other side of the country and I befriended a woman my age who lived nearby. We had been friends for months, both have similar lives/situations (older DH's, NC with family, housewives) but she couldn't have children. I am not TTC, I'm not even sure if I want children but due to some medical issues I've had some fertility checks and know that I am very likely able to conceive and carry children. She hated me for it and resented the fact I had chosen to not have children when I was able to. She hadn't told me until it came out when she was drunk that she hated me so much because she envied me so much.

I think that I would be able to weigh up a person who had an undesirable personality, and steer clear of them, But know others who have been taken in by some nasty back stabbing individuals.

The woman I though was my best friend.
New here since we were toddlers, friends since teens.
Genuinely though we were very close, the only woman I really trusted outside of family.

Took 30 years for me to see the truth and then only after she was forced to admit to the truest horrible things she had done by her narcissistic abusive husband. Even the I tried to help her.

Through therapy( that I needed in the aftermath ,yes what she did was that bad) I could see how much she hated me.

We were in competition and I never saw that.
When we were teens she dated several of my ex's after I did ( making sure to go further faster), she tried to talk me out of getting married because she was seeing a married man and was more or less single, stood me up on my 21st, slept with a stranger at my wedding, said some really spiteful shit when I was struggling to get pregnant, ended up pregnant with her new boyfriend so our kids were born really close in age, snubbed me as a bridesmaid but had 8 other women oh and had an affair with my Husband which she lied to me about for 10 years.

Yes, it was all very strange and felt very juvenile. As soon as I realised I took a massive step back, was polite when I saw her (at work) but never had anything to do with socially ever again. Still look back and think as we were both adults in professional jobs. Ultimately though I think she had real issues and I was quite naive in not spotting them and removing myself from the situation sooner.

I know it hurts OP but do try not to dwell and don't let it knock your confidence in building other friendships. There are lots of other normal people out there who won't treat you in the same way.

I worked with other managers for 12 yearsand we all got on well and went out for dinner and pub crawls. 8 of us took early retirement/redundancy and after we left I found out that 2 of them had never liked me - they slagged me off to the others and rolled their eyes when my name was mentioned. I reckon part of it was jealousy as they all had degrees (I'd worked my way up) and I'd ended up running the largest and most prestigious team. Eventually I blocked them on social media but I was sad that the large get-togethers stopped. I suppose it was their duplicity over all the years that annoyed me!

It might not be so much hate as jealousy. I did used to be friends with a woman until I found out she was doing evil little things behind my back. She's like that with everyone though but they just don't know it. She has these petty jealousies and likes to take revenge or bring people down a peg or two. Why they need bringing down I don't know. She is just very screwed up. Once you know though it all makes sense. I thank fuck I managed to shake her off.

Sort of. We were teens at the time though so not quite the same! It was one girl in a group of friends. I thought we got on well but we weren't close. A mutual friend told me that she in fact hated me. I was shocked! It wasn't minor dislike - she was venomous. She was quite an insecure girl though so it quite obviously stemmed from that as there was really no reason for such hatred. You'll find under-confidence/insecurity is usually at the root of these scenarios.

Yes, frenemy is the modern description & it is very apt. My frenemies were a couple who worked as a team with their banter. I put up with it for years as my DH was old friends with the H but after one dig too many I phased them out.
I wish I had done it sooner. I’m no pushover normally but put up with way too much crap from both of them for far too long.

Yes as a teenager she was part of a group of friends and I really liked one of the girls so I stuck around despite her being awful to me.