Have you ever been friends with someone who hated you?

[sallyhsnson]

I was friends with someone for 17 years and never had a clue she hated me.
We got on fine together but she would always put me down in a group and try and make me look stupid.
Anyway popped up on my memories two years ago today ..on a night out,dancing together,smiling in pics,stayed at my house etc .
Fast forward 7 months I found out she reported me for benefit fraud (lies ) made false accusations about me to the police (lies ) turned mutual friends against me,made sure I didn't date her friend (with lies )
Even now it doesn't seem real
Anybody else find out a friend was a enemy ?

@Bandino

It might not be so much hate as jealousy. I did used to be friends with a woman until I found out she was doing evil little things behind my back. She's like that with everyone though but they just don't know it. She has these petty jealousies and likes to take revenge or bring people down a peg or two. Why they need bringing down I don't know. She is just very screwed up. Once you know though it all makes sense. I thank fuck I managed to shake her off.

You say this on every thread?

Yes. I have very low self esteem and have been treated very badly by some people throughout my life.

In 6th form yes. We were in the same circle of friends, got on pretty well. She then developed a weird thing for my then bf - I'd say quite crush like. She dripped poison in my best friends ear, making up all these slightly bent truths. It was really nasty and planned out and essentially broke up a close friendship. Others saw it and gave me the heads up but to be honest if my bf wanted to listen then that friendship had run its course and I had other mates.

Ironically my bf and I did stay sort of in touch through uni and after whereas she didn't with evil bitch. When we were about 24, ex bf took me out to dinner and made a big thing about how wrong she'd been and how she regretted it very much which was gratifying but damage had been done.

I’m not sure it was hate but there was definitely an insecurity or jealousy or something I can’t quite put my finger on. We were housemates and socialised together but she was almost gleeful when something bad happened to me - like my boyfriend cheating, or me getting stood up, and dismissive of everything good that ever happened to me, like me getting my masters degree. Everything had to be a drama. She got drunk one night and tried to kiss me, and then I got the ick and started avoiding her more and more, and then we moved out and went our separate ways.

Not that hated me.

But was friends with someone who created a situation and stabbed me in the back (unfounded) and I believe it was all about her being centre of a drama and she didn't even think about how it would affect me.

And it did - for years.

She maintained afterwards she did it because she cared.

I decided she's just thick with no emotional intelligence and cut all ties.

But yes I did struggle to comprehend why someone who called them self a friend would do something so utterly thoughtless and actually downright cruel.

I think this kind of thing is more common during teenage years not because it's childish but because friendships during that time tend to be very intense. Sometimes it happens in adulthood though. Any very close relationship that involves emotional intimacy gives the other person a certain degree of leverage and sometimes in the power exchanges/exertions that we all have some people utilise that. I'm pretty sure that when it happens the person feels justified. It can be devastating to realise though.

Most of my 'friends' have treated me like crap. I think I am just not very likeable.

Not sure if hate is the right word but I've certainly had friends who don't seem to wish me well or who take delight in things going wrong for me and try to sabotage things that are turning out well.
A current 'friend' offers me terrible advice and recently told me I would be best off giving up my new job for no reason whatsoever that I can think of other than the fact she's unable to work due to the pandemic and isn't earning herself ( mobile beauty therapist).
She also offered to be my referee for a job once then deliberately missed the deadline despite numerous reminders.
Her face also lights up with glee if I confide in her about relationship trouble (I've stopped confiding in her).
She's also overcharged me and given me substandard service when I've supported her business.

Yet she proclaims I'm her best friend and she'd do anything for me.

Yes - at Uni I shared with a couple of good friends. We'd shared for a good 3years by then.
I was in my room and heard them slagging someone off.
It gradually dawned on me that they were talking about me
I never said anything and it carried on. They would also slag off the other one when with me - I never joined in but then I never defended the person either.
I think it shaped how I see people and I am not in contact with either of them now.

I had a school friendship group that I stayed in until around 24. I think the queen bee never liked me but kept me there as a “life could be worse I could be Lessie” type token.

When I broke away from the group and bought my first house she asked me to send her photos of all the rooms because she knew I’d never invite her over and she was desperate to see it.

No, but I’m reminded of a classic line in Edna O’Brien’s ‘The Country Girls’.
‘She was my best friend and I hated her.’

One reason for that, IIRC, was because the ‘best’ friend had the coveted Pink Witch bike - some GNers who are ancient enough might remember those.

Yes. I too have been treated bad by "friends" over the years. Still trying to find a real friend.

Yes! Had a friend who was always so kind, offered to help with practical things, always there as a listening ear... we also had fun times too. Turns out she hated my guts and would tell a mutual friend that she hoped I would fall over and bang my head in such a way that I died. How she felt came out eventually and my our mutual friend also cut her off for being a total bitch about most other people. Worse thing was, she was in her early 50s... I do sometimes find myself thinking about her and I hope she is ok. If she is lonely, she did bring it on herself.

Oh LemonSherbertFancies 🍀

Yes I did. Just totally turned on me one day, and wrecked my life for a short while. Evil bastard.

I've definitely had many toxic friendships over the years. It's painful.

I have a school friend who hates my guts, we have lots of mutual friends so are forced to spend time together (pre Covid). I recently bought a gorgeous 5 bed house and heard from others how she is seething. We're always pleasant to eCh other when we see each other because we don't want a scene. I have no issue with her, I just live with her hatred of me.

Haven't had it happen with close friends but when I was 20 and a student a colleague really took against me.

I worked part time in a shop and had only done a couple of shifts with this woman, and as far as I can recall had only spoken to her a couple of times and had been polite and helpful.

Well, she absolutely laid into me behind my back to other members of staff, saying what a bitch I was, so up myself and so on, going on and on for ages apparently. I only knew because one of them told me about what she had been saying. It shook me up a bit at the time, truth be told, that you could think you were being perfectly nice and then someone could be so nasty about you when they hardly knew you. I don't know what happened to her but I don't recall working with her again on the same shifts so I think it must have got back to the manager (who liked and trusted me).

It hasn't happened to me fortunately, but DH has a family member who is the type of person who befriends someone, sometimes for years, but absolutely berates and curses them behind their back, and tries to turn others against them. Yet continues to (pre-pandemic) have them over for coffee, go shopping with them, do them little helpful favours, and in one case spent Christmas at their house - right before manipulating a third party into calling them a cunt on Facebook. She gets friend 1 round for a chat, slags off friend 2, then gets friend 2 round to tell them what friend 1 said about them.

I've spent a fair bit of time in her company and could write a novel about the things she's said and done - she is utter poison. She can be very generous and affectionate, but you know it's superficial and you're getting slagged off to anyone who will listen the rest of the time.

I tend to be too trusting and see the best in everyone, but over the years this person has taught me that apparently kind and thoughtful people are not always what they seem. I enjoy having acquaintances (work colleagues, neighbours etc) that I am friendly with, but I avoid getting too close to people as they tend to let you down. And this thread has confirmed it!

I had a good friend who desperately wanted children but couldn't. She always said she had come to terms with it. I don't have children and have never wanted them. So we did alot together, our other friends were busy mums. Unforunately she had to have an hysterectomy. The smallest bit of hope she had of becoming a mother died. I knew she was struggling with that. But she was all smiles and friendly to me we still did things together. But gradually I could see had become very bitter about everything. I found out she had been trying to turn our other friends against me. Finally she stopped pretending and just turned on me completely. She was just so angery and bitter about not being able to have children she focused all that rage on me because I could have children but didn't want them. Once I was out of the picture anger was directed to her friends with children. She's a bit of a recluse now (pre covid) and very rarely see's anyone. It's a shame because she had been a lovely person. But she just changed.

Yes. Hate is a strong word. I would say jealousy/insecurity. a friend who was my friend until I had "more" than her. Gleeful when things went wrong for me, snide remarks. Bad vibes from her and I started to feel paranoid and uncomfortable in her company. Wary of what I was saying in case I sounded boastful (over simple things like my job which is nothing special, just a health service profession. For some reason she seemed so jealous of this).

Anyway I cut her out of my life. I was very hurt for a long time. Blaming myself thinking I am unlikeable.

Have since had mutual friend trying to ask me questions about why. I say nothing, just brush it off. I'm not interested in bitching about her. And I did not see any benefit to talking to her about it I know she would just deny that she dislikes me. I don't want negative vibes in my life. I'm sure she regrets it now. I was a good loyal friend to her.

I once gave a guy one of my friend's phone numbers, so he could ask her out on a date.

The date went well, they moved in together and eventually got married. In between, I posted something innocuous on FB about my bins not being collected for 6 weeks and how the service was really bad. She took great dislike to this post for some reason, attacked me verbally, insulted me and then, in a flourish, blocked me, all in 2 days.

I can only assume she hated me all along but we had all been part of the same sports club and social group. Possibly she thought I had had something going on in the past with this guy - I didnt. I simply gave him her number when he asked for it. I think she was also jealous of my career.

She's just a cow.

My next door neighbour who I thought was a friend. I used to babysit for her frequently. I was at a low point because my toddler DD didn't sleep (ADHD) and the only work my DH could get was away from home (1980s). It impacted on my marriage. My 'friend' was constantly encouraging me to cheat or smash up pieces of furniture to get my point across. She then tried to get my DH to cheat. It took me a while to realise how poisonous she was.

I haven’t had anything as bad as you’ve experienced but I’ve had 2 women from couples friendships hate me because they thought I was going to steal their husbands. I’ve never stolen a husband in my life and I have a perfectly good one of my own, I have no use for another!!

The first was because I was much younger than her but she’s got over that now I’m older and I’ve noticed her giving evils to people in their 20s now, so I guess I’m just old now 😂.

The second was because she was morbidly obese and I was at my skinniest. She thought it was “alright for me because I’m naturally thin” but she’d no idea that I was starving myself and working out to the point that my periods stopped, so clearly I was not alright! She took every opportunity to call me thick and make me look stupid to make herself feel better, despite the fact that I am not stupid and if I wanted to be horrible and big headed I could have thrown in that I was the only one with a degree. I get why she felt bad but you can’t make yourself feel better by making someone else feel bad. We’re not friends anymore, which is a shame as her husband is one of the nicest people I know (I still don’t want to steal him though!).