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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s a bit weird sharing this on a what’s app group?

58 replies

WHY2021 · 25/01/2021 22:56

Name changed

Ex sharing a scan video of new pregnancy in a group that other parent of 1st shared child is in.

Purposefully not disclosing which parent is which not to skew replies.

YABU - completely not weird
YANBU - weird, why would anyone do that?

OP posts:
Raaaaaaarr · 25/01/2021 22:57

Seems like you're the first parent. Yes it's a bit insensitive but not weird. It's something I suspect they didn't really think would bother you.

Backbee · 25/01/2021 22:58

Is it just the 2 of them in the group? I find sharing scan pictures or videos to a group quite teedious overall, but really it depends on the context and who is in the group. The baby will be half sibling with the child they share so I guess maybe they found it less awkward than having a deep and meaningful awkward reveal?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 25/01/2021 22:59

Depends on the group. If its a group for the parents and step parents to discuss the kid, its weird.

If its a friendship or (their) wider family group its not weird at all.

madmara · 25/01/2021 22:59

Who else is in the group?

Was this the first time that the person found out their ex was expecting?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 25/01/2021 23:00

Why are they in a WhatsApp group together anyway?

ThePlantsitter · 25/01/2021 23:01

It just depends on loads of things all round. First child's class WhatsApp: bit weird. WhatsApp group for all adults involved in life of first child, who all have a friendly cooperative relationship: not that weird. Etc.

SavoyCabbage · 25/01/2021 23:01

Whilst I wouldn't share a scan photo never mind a video like this personally I think it depends what the group is and whose in it and what the relationship is like between the two exes and between the exes and the other people in the chat.

If I was a scan sharing sort of person then I don't see why I wouldn't tell people I was pregnant.

Macncheeseballs · 25/01/2021 23:02

Yes its weird and insensitive

merryhouse · 25/01/2021 23:02

I think it depends on the size and composition of the group.

CommanderBurnham · 25/01/2021 23:03

Depends really. If you are close enough with them to be in a WhatsApp group and you have mutual acquaintances then why not? Otherwise they would be accused of deliberately leaving you out. It's best you see it in case your shared child talks about it to you.

Unfortunately, as harsh as it is you will have to get used to it as there's going to be a baby coming along and your shared child is going to have a half sibling. The more you know about it the better for your child.

Original poster
WHY2021 · 25/01/2021 23:03

The group is of about 7 people, all ex’s side apart from other parent the 1st child set it up and asked the other parent to join it based on it being the child’s group to talk to their family.

OP posts:
Whitecup4 · 25/01/2021 23:05

I don’t think it’s weird, why was it supposed to be a secret?

If it’s a ex does it matter? Or is it that your the partner of the ones whose the ex and your jealous the ex is pregnant??

StacySoloman · 25/01/2021 23:05

Depends what the group is - school parent's class whatsapp is weird. Big friendship group isn't.

WorraLiberty · 25/01/2021 23:05

If they're having a baby then they're having a baby.

Whether or not sharing the pic in that particular group is weird or not, would depend on the sort of group it is.

Work group = Weird

Friends or family group = Not weird

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 25/01/2021 23:06

Not weird at all then if its their family group.

It is a bit weird for the other parent to be in it though.

ThePlantsitter · 25/01/2021 23:06

I dunno. You could see it as quite sensitive if the parent wanted to share it with the child and keep things open so the child can discuss it with whoever it wants. Obviously if there is festering resentment involved it wasn't a great idea. Is there?

WorraLiberty · 25/01/2021 23:06

@WHY2021

The group is of about 7 people, all ex’s side apart from other parent the 1st child set it up and asked the other parent to join it based on it being the child’s group to talk to their family.
In that case it's not weird at all.
sunflowersandbuttercups · 25/01/2021 23:07

It's weirder that you're still in the group tbh!

Original poster
WHY2021 · 25/01/2021 23:07

It was the 1st time other parent was told about it by ex (but obviously not directly) but they knew has child had told them.

Child has other half siblings (with a different partner) so not a new thing to get used to.

OP posts:
Nopreservatives · 25/01/2021 23:07

I think it depends entirely on the context and the dynamics of the relationships going forward.

E.g if it's a group that includes existing children and their mother/father, with a positive co parenting arrangement, that's probably reasonable, even considerate, so that parent knows what has been shared.

If it's a bitter ex who wasn't able to have children, that would be completely different.

HighSpecWhistle · 25/01/2021 23:08

Well at one point the person is going to have to accept the other has moved on and us expecting another child. So i don't think it's unreasonable to post amongst other relatives/friends. All scans look the same anyway.

HighlandLiving · 25/01/2021 23:08

Based on your update, not weird at all.

Nopreservatives · 25/01/2021 23:08

Oh, it took a long time for me to type that! But, yes seems reasonable.

SnackSizeRaisin · 25/01/2021 23:09

Not weird. Maybe disrespectful towards the other parent especially if new pregnancy is with OW or break up very recent.

Whitecup4 · 25/01/2021 23:10

I’m reading it as your partner is in the group with his/her ex and your sounding jealous. Unless you really do think it’s weird to send photos of family to family?