AIBU to think it’s inappropriate..

[RoseInaBook]

AIBU to be annoyed that my Bf sent his ex Gf a birthday present without saying anything about it, keeping it secret?

I’ve known him socially about 4 yrs, We’ve been together almost a year and are moving in together. They were together 7 yrs and broke up in 2016, she lives abroad, they have long phone calls fairly often too, maybe once or twice a week. They also still share Spotify and Netflix accounts.

It’s bothering me, am I over reacting?

Do not buy the house together. It will end up costing you money. She’s either and ex or he wishes she wasn’t. Either way, you wouldn’t see him for dust if she said she wanted him back. You are already accepting being treated poorly. Please work on your self esteem and boundaries. Some of that house deposit money could be spent on some online therapy.

Oops that doesn’t make sense: She’s either not an ex or he wishes she wasn’t an ex.

No, this isn't Ok at all. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who behaves this way towards their ex.

My exh visits us often and lets us share his Netflix account. Nothing inappropriate going on whatsoever.

Oh we also have long conversations every do often. My adult son lives with exh. I am still part of exh's family

I don't think I would have been fussed about the present, but my partner having long phone calls once or twice a week with an ex would upset me.

Why did they break up? Was it just because she was moving abroad?

If so I'd be questioning if they are over each other.

I wouldn't tolerate that level of contact.

There are a lot more questions that need to be answered before you make any permanent (and possibly costly) decisions. I would be unhappy if my partner chatted that much to an ex.

Sounds like he’s not over her

Birthday present no, keeping it a secret yes. I would be trying to work out why he felt the need to hide it and how did you find out?

The phone calls are completely inappropriate.

Don’t buy a house with him

The present in isolation wouldn't bother me. But coupled with the rest of it, I wouldn't be happy about moving in with this man. You know in advance there are three people in your relationship. Why do that to yourself?

The issue is the calls, not so much the present, unless it was something wildly inappropriate.

I wouldn't like it at all. The present thing is ok, but not the phone calls. Is it more the ex gf initiating the calls and your bf feeling that he has to talk to her? Is she lonely?

@ProseInaBook could you change your name back to @RoseInaBook as I'm finding the thread hard to follow.

@joystir59

Oh we also have long conversations every do often. My adult son lives with exh. I am still part of exh's family

@joystir59 I think it's different if you have kids together, or if your child lives with him

Well, he can be friends with his ex but long phone calls aren't a good sign. I'd ask him about the whole situation and whether he finds it normal because I totally wouldn't.

He's trash

I’d rethink moving in with him.

My DW also maintained a close friendship with her ex and we've become good friends with her ex and exes current partner. Nothing inappropriate going on here either and there are no kids linking us and them.

Is she planning to come back to this country (or the country you’re both in) at some point?

If so I think I’d be concerned to be honest. I think it’s unfinished business.

There is nothing secretive though, why would there be?

My wife passed away July 2020 and I chose one of the pieces of music because it was important to my wife and it became important to her in her previous relationship with her ex. Her ex and ex's current partner came to the funeral and I e maintained a close connection with them since, its fantastic!

He's your boyfriend not your property.

Yes it would completely bother me, and the keeping it secret from you would be the decider really.

Don't move in with him.