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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to find this a massive turn off?

89 replies

fdinthea · 25/01/2021 15:39

So my husband and I have been married for 9 years, have a 11 month old DC and sex hasn’t really been on the agenda for quite some time which I’d like to do something about but he keeps turning me right off. He’s the perfect husband so many ways but after spending a lot more time together recently I’ve been becoming more and more sensitive to the way he speaks to me, to the baby, to the pets. He regularly baby talks and says to me things like “Mummy can you give the dog a rubby dub?” and I just shudder inside. He’d never be like this in front of other people and I’d always find him super sexy in social situations but now we’ve been starved of social contact for so long this behaviour is increasing and he’s talking like this in public. I’ve tried to lightheartedly bring him up on it in private but he feels attacked and emasculated and now I don’t know what to do! He’s absolutely lovely and gorgeous looking but I’m not finding him remotely sexually attractive atm.

OP posts:
MerryDecembermas · 25/01/2021 19:19

I would think the baby talk being annoying is just something you've latched on to as a way of avoiding the bigger stuff you hint at in your update, OP.

It's much easier to focus on an annoying detail than "sometimes you have to throw the whole man away"

OhCaptain · 25/01/2021 19:21

@fdinthea

Yeah a lot of you have correctly assumed that it’s probably the symptom of a bigger issue. He’s also betrayed my trust and hurt me a few times over the years and I think I’ve got a lot of unresolved anger that I need to address in our therapy sessions. As I said, he’s the best dad and a wonderful husband in so many ways which is why I want to overcome our problems but marriages can be so complicated can’t they
You can’t overcome problems by yourself.

Especially when you’re not causing them. I don’t know what he’s like as a dad but he really doesn’t sound like a great husband...

grassisjeweled · 25/01/2021 19:25

if he means THE DOG, i could live with it.

if he means HIS TODGER, i could not!

^

The dog is obv his willy

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 25/01/2021 19:34

Perhaps we are weird in our house, but DH and I don't call each other anything in the house, for example we would just say to each other 'Could you pass X or Y please?' 'Have you seen...?' 'Thank you' or 'You are a marvel!' 'I'm just helping DC1/2 with X, I'll be there in sec.' We would say to DC, 'Can you ask Daddy/Muma where' or 'Daddy/Muma will help you with that in a min.'

However, we do jokingly refer to each other as the 'object of my affection (me) ' and 'my beloved husband' (him) but only to each other IYSWIM?

Just say to him: 'DH, I find you really sexy most of the time, when we are with other adults, I feel so lucky, but when you use baby talk to me, my vagina seals itself shut and I feel like I am being propositioned by a Teletubbie'

coldsunnydays · 25/01/2021 19:54

@ChocolateSantaisthebestkind

Perhaps we are weird in our house, but DH and I don't call each other anything in the house, for example we would just say to each other 'Could you pass X or Y please?' 'Have you seen...?' 'Thank you' or 'You are a marvel!' 'I'm just helping DC1/2 with X, I'll be there in sec.' We would say to DC, 'Can you ask Daddy/Muma where' or 'Daddy/Muma will help you with that in a min.'

However, we do jokingly refer to each other as the 'object of my affection (me) ' and 'my beloved husband' (him) but only to each other IYSWIM?

Just say to him: 'DH, I find you really sexy most of the time, when we are with other adults, I feel so lucky, but when you use baby talk to me, my vagina seals itself shut and I feel like I am being propositioned by a Teletubbie'

oh my God, what I wouldn't have given to have a relationship like yours Sad
coldsunnydays · 25/01/2021 19:56

@fdinthea

Yeah a lot of you have correctly assumed that it’s probably the symptom of a bigger issue. He’s also betrayed my trust and hurt me a few times over the years and I think I’ve got a lot of unresolved anger that I need to address in our therapy sessions. As I said, he’s the best dad and a wonderful husband in so many ways which is why I want to overcome our problems but marriages can be so complicated can’t they
I'm struggling to reconcile being a wonderful husband with betraying your trust, repeatedly hurting you and continuing to speak to you in a way you have told him you don't like.
Gloriousgardener11 · 25/01/2021 19:58

Have you tried repeating his baby talk back to him so he knows what he sounds like? He might just realise just how ridiculous it is .

Otherwise I would be tempted to just look at him with a frown on my face and say nothing, your face will say it all.

LucilleTheVampireBat · 25/01/2021 20:03

"Praise him for his paternal instincts"? Are you having a laugh? God he'd be baby talking madame palm and her 5 lovely daughters for the rest of his life if he spoke to me like that just once. 🤢🤢

Original poster
fdinthea · 25/01/2021 20:17

@coldsunnydays... I can see why. But he cooks, he cleans, he’s kind, funny, good company, ambitious, incredibly generous and supportive- I could go on. Plus he’s the most engaged and loving father and my DC adores him, I couldn’t bare to take that away from him. But he had a tough childhood with a mentally ill mum and has a load of unresolved issues that has lead to some hurtful behaviour. I don’t believe anyone’s perfect and we all make mistakes... I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and work it out because I don’t think he’s a terrible person, I think he’s just in pain and doesn’t know how to manage it in a healthy way. Problem is I guess his baby talking is a trigger for me as it reminds me of the part of him that’s under confident and led him to do stupid things in the past.

OP posts:
Jobsharenightmare · 26/01/2021 06:58

You've just made an important link to take to your therapy sessions OP. This has little to do with baby talk and more about what it stirs up about his betrayal.

SummerHouse · 26/01/2021 08:07

I think you have gone off him because of how he has treated you. The baby talk is him trying to keep you. It's actually pushing you away. All the best with the therapy. He is very, very lucky to have you. Now he needs to put the effort in.

BubblyBarbara · 26/01/2021 08:54

I think it sounds like a gender flipped version of this:

In psychoanalytic literature, a Madonna–whore complex is the inability to maintain sexual arousal within a committed, loving relationship.

Maybe we could call it a Jagger-stud complex.

FortunesFave · 20/02/2021 22:24

Just wanted to let you know this is now in the Daily Mail. www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9241449/Woman-reveals-husband-speaks-baby-talk-finds-turn-off.html

inthew00d · 20/02/2021 22:26

YANBU! However I always speak to my animals in a baby voice! Speaking to your adult partner in a baby voice is a whole different ball game...

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