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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child with SEN not in school

79 replies

abitofpeace · 24/01/2021 06:28

A good friend of mine has a child with with newly diagnosed dyslexia and autistic.

She is a SAHM and husband isn’t a keyworker. Her Dd is only 6 and struggling with all the online work, none of it is differentiated for her and her Dd is crying every day at home. Her Dd hasn’t been asked into school and friend has accepted this because she said she felt mustn’t be entitled. My friend worries about upsetting the teacher by asking.

The strange thing is that some of the keyworker children at school seem less entitled than my friends Dd. In many situations the parent is able to work from home, some are SAHM with a keyworker husband.

AIBU to ask my friend to push for a place at school for her Dd considering her barrier to learning?

OP posts:
impostersong · 24/01/2021 06:43

We're in the middle of a pandemic, you friend is a sahm. Yes it's tough but everyone is struggling. She absolutely shouldn't be sending her child into school

Sirzy · 24/01/2021 06:45

She needs to talk to school about how they can support her at home. The work should be differentiated and perhaps they could offer daily/weekly sessions via teams?

17bluebirds · 24/01/2021 06:50

It's not only about academic work and whether or not its differentiated. People with autism often need structure and routine.
If school is the best place for this, she should be there. If home is the best place, that is where she should stay.
This is an individual thing, based on what is better for your friends dd.
No one on here can advise on that.
But if your friend thinks her dd will be better settled and secure in school, she should definitely approach them.

She also probably needs to apply for an ECHP, if she doesn't already have one.

Original poster
abitofpeace · 24/01/2021 06:51

There are no live lessons at all. My ds is very able but finding the work that has been set very hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
abitofpeace · 24/01/2021 06:54

There are only 8 keyworker children in school in their class. 2 members of staff, an extra TA sometimes too.

OP posts:
Ohwhocares22 · 24/01/2021 06:56

Please don't push for a place, if school can offer one they will. However, it would be perfectly reasonable to ask for differentiated work or a school place

AnyTimeSoon · 24/01/2021 06:59

I think she should speak to the school and ask them what support they could provide. Explain that her dd is really struggling.

Sirzy · 24/01/2021 07:00

There should only be a few children in school. That’s the whole idea!

Our school isn’t doing any whole class live lessons but what they are doing is 1-1 or small group work via teams for students who need it. Ds is getting full time 1-1 via teams as that’s what he gets in school. Others are getting daily or weekly slots.

If your child is finding the work tough have you fed that back to the school? They need to be told in order for them to be able to change things

oohmamama · 24/01/2021 07:03

@impostersong

We're in the middle of a pandemic, you friend is a sahm. Yes it's tough but everyone is struggling. She absolutely shouldn't be sending her child into school
This advice is 100% totally wrong.

I'm an SEN teacher.

Schools and colleges are open for children with EHCPs who need the structure of school to maintain the integrity of that EHCP.

Children with SEN often require specialist teaching which a parent cannot be expected to provide.

Please ask her to contact school and work out what eat would be best for her DD.

Original poster
abitofpeace · 24/01/2021 07:04

They don’t use teams, there is nothing one to one either. I have fed it back to the teacher that the work is hard, the teacher just sent me some photos me of the keyworker children work to see how it could be done. Not really helpful tbh.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 24/01/2021 07:06

I would suggest your friend uses the time to do some intervention type programmes. She should speak to school and get some guidance.

There are many communication type writing programmes and also some dyslexia specific ones. The school may have an online programme they use that her Dd can access from home.

There's no point pushing peak she isn't ready to access but an ideal time to have intense input where gaps are to support closing it.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 24/01/2021 07:17

She's only 6. She wont be helped with the work more at school than she will at home, its only TAs providing supervised childcare. If anything I would be worried that with autism being at school but with a radically environment and none of the usual routine it could be very upsetting for her there too.

In her position as mum I would ring the teacher and ask for more support/differentiated work. If the child has an ECHP or any 1 to 1 support I'd be asking how the provisions of the ECHP are being met.

However at 6 with a SAHM I think it's a stretch to send her in just when Covid numbers are finally dropping. If the schoolwork is upsetting her can't mum.do some other educational activities with her based on the general theme of the school work but adapt it to her child's interests or ability a bit to make it more accessible? No she shouldnt have to do this but this is lockdown, parents everywhere are having to step in a lot more with their childrens education and it's relatively manageable with the content 6 year olds learn.

Original poster
abitofpeace · 24/01/2021 07:22

I don’t think you understand, the class teacher IS teaching. There is a student teacher too. Plus a TA. That’s several members of staff for 8 children.

There are no live lessons, one to ones and all the uploaded stuff is just Twinkl worksheets and work planned by the student teacher. There is real teaching going on in class.

OP posts:
Clicketyclick21 · 24/01/2021 07:22

Does the child have an EHCP plan? If she does, then she is entitled to a school place. The school has to complete a risk assessment before she returns. Your friend should call the SEND education dept at her local authority for advice. IASS is also a good place for advice. cyp.iassnetwork.org.uk/

www.autism.org.uk/

contact.org.uk/

Original poster
abitofpeace · 24/01/2021 07:23

Many of the keyworker children in school have one keyworker parent and the other is a SAHM.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 24/01/2021 07:24

@abitofpeace

They don’t use teams, there is nothing one to one either. I have fed it back to the teacher that the work is hard, the teacher just sent me some photos me of the keyworker children work to see how it could be done. Not really helpful tbh.
Is it your child or a friend's child? Why are you contacting the school?

Our school wouldn't just offer a place, you need to ask for one.

Original poster
abitofpeace · 24/01/2021 07:24

Yes her Dd has an EHCP, thank you for the links and information I will let my friend know.

OP posts:
Original poster
abitofpeace · 24/01/2021 07:26

Oysterbabe I was responding to someone’s question about my ds. I mentioned he found the work set hard too. He has no special needs, I contacted the teacher for this reason.

OP posts:
FallenSky · 24/01/2021 07:26

It's a difficult one, I completely understand the feeling of helplessness when your child is struggling and you don't know how to help them. I have a child with autism and other disabilities. My husband is a keyworker, but I am at home so my DC are here. If I was your friend I would speak to the school and ask for differentiated work. This should be no different to what they'd normally provide for children. I'd also tell your friend to try to lower her expectations. Perhaps find other things to do that have some educational value but aren't causing her DD to become distressed. But, if it really is the case that her DD absolutely cannot cope with being at home then perhaps school will be the best place for her, either way, none of this can happen unless she has this discussion with them.

Oysterbabe · 24/01/2021 07:26

The children attending DD's school are definitely being taught by their usual teacher. Every day she uploads and a video and talks about what she is going to do with the children in school that day.

NoPinkPlease · 24/01/2021 07:28

My son has autism, an EHCP, and is at school. He could be at home as I am working from home and homeschooling his sister. But he's mental health and stability went haywire at the start of the lockdown in march and he learns and accesses school effectively when in as he has a learning support assistant there. He won't accept the same support from me. So I have sent him in. His whole health and education matters too. School need to be helping your friend whether it's with working at home or at school.

Mumdiva99 · 24/01/2021 07:32

Vulnerable children should be able to access school of that's the best place for them. If the child has SEN the school should try to meet the child's needs (even if they don't have an ehc). The school i govern at has made a place available for all vulnerable children (and where the parents choose not to use this they are working directly with the parents to ensure the child has appropriate support.)

Toomanycats99 · 24/01/2021 07:33

My DD has an IEP not an EHCP. She really struggled last time but I never asked as I assumed she wouldn't qualify. I took the chance this time and asked, they accepted her

Another friend of hers went in last time with No EHCP so I think in her school at least they are looking on a case by case basis.

Clicketyclick21 · 24/01/2021 07:37

www.sossen.org.uk/

SOS SEN

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