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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH still socialising with friends

62 replies

mumontherun14 · 23/01/2021 20:44

Aibu- I am annoyed with DH as today he has gone into his friends house to watch a football game even though we are not supposed to be going into peoples houses. It’s now turned into a bit of a drinking session with him & 2 other couples .
I’ve got my elderly mum in our bubble & she is in good health but awaiting her Covid injection. My sister & brother are militant about the no socialising or mixing and it’s making me feel really uneasy.
These friends have been socialising a bit together over the lockdown time as they live in same street & both have young kids the same age. I’ve got older teens & just feel it’s not a great example to them to break the rules. The friends work at home & haven’t really seen any one else so it’s a bit like they are all one bubble & they don’t have anyone older in their bubble so it’s their choice but just feel DH is putting my DM at risk a bit. She is also still going to the shops most days and refuses to isolate completely so DH argues she’s as much at risk going to the shops. They have asked me to come over & ive said no but I know it’s going to turn into a party. as they are all big drinkers/socialisers (inc DH) and we’re going to end up having a row. My DDad passed away in care home with Covid in June so know I’m probably very sensitive & I really like his friends they are lovely and a lot of fun we go out together a lot normally it’s just this socialising is making me so uneasy. X

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 23/01/2021 20:47

Your dh is a prick. An absolute selfish twat.

byebyeboyee · 23/01/2021 20:48

If he likes them do much he can stay their for two weeks

Amammai · 23/01/2021 20:51

YANBU at all! Well done for being mindful of the message it would send to your children if you did go. Your mum may be popping to the shops but that’s quite different to sitting in a house with other people for a whole evening. So many of us would love to have a social get together but are waiting. Frustrating to hear your DH doesn’t see it as a big thing. Can you go to sleep tonight and try and address it tomorrow when he’s sober and you feel calmer??

Darbs76 · 23/01/2021 20:51

All of them are selfish and clearly don’t care if their actions infect someone else less vulnerable. It would certainly cause an argument in my house as id lock him out. Of course it’s setting a bad example to your kids, it just shows them that certain people think the rules don’t apply to them

HarrietSchulenberg · 23/01/2021 20:51

My son's friends were each fined £200 for doing exactly what your DH is doing. If the safety aspect isn't a concern for him, maybe the financial impact will be.

Zlistceleb · 23/01/2021 20:52

So sorry re your dad. That's v sad. Your DH is being a selfish dickhead. Why would his need to watch a football match take priority over everyone remaining as safe and covid free as possible!?

I would find it v hard to forgive him to be honest. He's putting you all at risk.

Original poster
mumontherun14 · 23/01/2021 20:55

I know. I think it’s selfish. It’s not a regular occurrence or anything but it happened at Xmas as well. Started outside in a gazebo but so cold& very quickly moved inside.

OP posts:
Calmandmeasured1 · 23/01/2021 20:55

If my dad had died from Covid, I would expect my husband to be extremely cautious and not risk mine or my DM's health. What a total idiot.

I would tell him to isolate from me for 10 days.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. Flowers

user1493413286 · 23/01/2021 20:57

I don’t think I’d want to see my mum for 10 days if DH had been doing that. It’s incredibly selfish to put your mum at risk in that way.

Original poster
mumontherun14 · 23/01/2021 20:59

My brother has told DM to stay in now until she gets the vaccine & for the 2 weeks afterwards till it kicks in so she won’t see us anyway. I’ll drop shopping & stuff off. Xxx

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 23/01/2021 21:14

I'd lock him out personally. Outrageous.

OR don't see your Mum for 10 days.

He is bonkers - feel free to show him this. Does he want your Mum to die?!!!!!?

Royalbloo · 23/01/2021 21:15

Actually, bollocks to that, I wouldn't let him back in and would prioritise my Mum

Royalbloo · 23/01/2021 21:15

I'm also very sorry to hear about your dad Flowers sorry, I didn't mean to skip over that part x x x x

ofwarren · 23/01/2021 21:16

I couldn't forgive this to be honest. I wouldn't let him back in the house unless he isolated for 2 weeks before hand.

HerMammy · 23/01/2021 21:17

He's being daft but to say he's putting your mum at risk is a stretch when by your own admission shes out every day at the shops.

Purplethrow · 23/01/2021 21:19

Your husband is an inconsiderate knob. Same goes for the bloke I know who’s having his mates round this evening to play poker.

AndcalloffChristmas · 23/01/2021 21:20

That’s really awful of him. I wish I didn’t keep hearing of people behaving this way. Just prolonging the whole thing for the rest of us Angry

Original poster
mumontherun14 · 23/01/2021 21:22

My DM has been a bit of a handful as well in this. She is 82 lives on her own still drives good health very independent & does not like at all to be told what to do ye& feels very isolated with the restrictions . I have cooked, dropped shopping off& then she will still go to local shops. It’s her daily routine & she hates to alter it. My brother laid down the law a bit to her this week & she has given her word to stay in till she gets the vaccine & the 2 weeks after x

OP posts:
Original poster
mumontherun14 · 23/01/2021 21:26

My. DH is very fond of DM he does shopping for her, gardening , DIY etc he does care about her a lot. It’s just as if the friends egg each other on to have a drink & a “normal” Saturday night & he just goes for it x

OP posts:
Lucieintheskye · 23/01/2021 21:31

You can anonymously report your husband's gathering. That is of course if you're actually as bothered as you claim to be.

ktp100 · 23/01/2021 21:33

He's being a dick, OP. Totally selfish.

What can you do apart from air your displeasure though? Optimally kick him out for 2 weeks but that's easier said than done.

Maybe tell him if he does it again you will?

It's a difficult one but you are absolutely within your rights to be pissed off.

Scottishskifun · 23/01/2021 21:35

Sorry but your husband and his friends are being selfish idiots.
If my husband did the same he would be sleeping in the van overnight in the cold!

ImnotCarolineHirons · 23/01/2021 21:36

I'm very sorry about your Dad. I'm actually speechless that knowing you've lost one parent, he doesn't care about putting your Mum at risk as well, all for the sake of a few drinks. How utterly selfish.

BlueSussex · 23/01/2021 21:37

I would tell him to stay there and not bother coming back to be honest.

He doesn't give a shit does he?

notanothertakeaway · 23/01/2021 21:41

Your DH and his friends are idiots, that's shocking, especially since your dad died with Covid. The vast majority of people are sticking to the rules. I know a couple of people who have breached the rules from time to time, and it's changed how I feel about them. I couldn't respect my DH if he was still socialising as normal

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