Family think I'm hiding a lottery win

[lordofthemings]

I appreciate that this is a bit of an odd one.

My family struggled financially when I was young - trouble paying rent, lots of debt etc. I was always hyper-aware of money and our lack of it - how I didn't have the clothes, tech or holidays my friends did. I used to feel very stressed listening to my parents panic about paying the rent and having people banging on the door.

Over the past ten years, I've worked my way up in my industry and now make six figures. My job is very full on, mentally draining and requires very long hours. Financial stability for me and my immediate family has always been of paramount importance to me (probably due to my financially unstable background), so I've been happy to trade off the life part of the work-life balance in order to feel secure, with the intention of moving into a less stressful role once I'm there.

Over the last few years, I've paid off all of my debts, mortgage and student loans. I've also bought a new car and a house for my parents who previously rented and struggled to pay. It should be noted that both mine and my parents houses are small terraces worth under £100K. The car was second hand (£5000). I'm not interested in or aiming for anything fancy - I just want to feel secure. I've also been able to take us on holidays abroad, which we never did, and weekend trips (not in lockdown, obviously).

Now the problem.

My large extended family (mainly uncles and cousins) are aware of some/most of the above as my DM tells everyone everything - it's natural to her.

They know I've got a professional job, but don't know my salary (I've never shared it with anyone - even (especially) DM - as I know I'd immediately be asked to lend money). This has somehow resulted in me being accused of hiding a lottery win.

Now they have all stopped calling me and my parents who are 'in on it' as I haven't shared my winnings. In the few conversations we have had, they've said things like 'you didn't need to give anything to me, but you could have given some to [their DC] for uni/a deposit/etc.' So now I'm an evil aunt too and my nephews and nieces aren't talking to me.

I considered at one point just sending them money, but I don't actually have much in savings - it all went on paying off the houses/debts. The next year will be spent paying off the mortgage on my parents house and then I'll step into a less stressful (but also less well paid) role so I won't have money to give them then either.

AIBU to have no idea how to deal with this!?

[ItsJustARide]

Oh my god, they just select random threads to use to publish and make money? How is that journalism? Piece of shite rag I'd be boiling.

[BlueThistles]

[quote mofro]You’ve made the Daily M OP


www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9183555/Woman-reveals-extended-family-bizarrely-think-HIDING-lottery-win.html[/quote]


jeeeeepers 😳

[Hawkins001]

Congrats op, your infamous,

[Hawkins001]

@ItsJustARide

Oh my god, they just select random threads to use to publish and make money? How is that journalism? Piece of shite rag I'd be boiling.

I guess it, addresses the psychological side of events

[Suzie1ffsb]

My parents were in your situation when I was young. We’re Asians and it was expected the elder ones help out youngest ones. I’ve never really expressed how I felt about this before I think this is the first time I’ve actually sat down and really understood the impact. My dad worked 2 jobs and gave away a good portion to his brothers. When’re they phoned he would send money. We never had anything left. I remember going to school in ripped tights and really small shoes. I never gave it another thought as I considered it normal. My dads brothers stopped talking to us when my dad wouldn’t give his nephew £10,000 for something - we didn’t have a penny left! They stopped talking to us and on my wedding day I had no extended family there.

I think my parents were really stupid and naive to keep giving money to the bottomless pit of family. I feel angry they never considered saving for us but just gave over everything to his brothers.

I feel maybe my dad was too kind or maybe just not assertive enough to say no. Either way we could have had a good life if he didn’t keep giving money away. No one is talking to my family now even tho he gave them everything we had!

[Serin]

Susie1ffsb That is heartbreaking, your poor father.

[DewDropsonKittens]

Yabu for paying your parents mortgage when they have no loyalty to you

[Ch3rish]

@ItsJustARide

Oh my god, they just select random threads to use to publish and make money? How is that journalism? Piece of shite rag I'd be boiling.

It's been happening all over the internet for years, it's not just here, I see lots of stories from Reddit and whisper (sp) that I've never even heard off but must be quite a popular chat forum

It's usually quite easy to predict which threads will make the papers.

[Peff68]

I do sympathise with you. It sounds like you would like to help family out but are just doing ok for yourself. Well done with your career and being debt free more people should aspire to be like you.

I do have to say your parents are quite awful though. Firstly they don’t sound very proud or impressed by what you’ve achieved, which they should be. Or grateful for helping them out with a house! I hope both houses are in your name as when they do pass away you do not want other family members to benefit from an inheritance that you paid for. Also if they end up going into care homes the house could end up being used for these costs?!

Your mum probably tells all everything because in a twisted way she is proud of you but should not be sharing financial information it really is nothing to do with others. Have you tried asking her to be more private?

Unfortunately ultimately it may mean you cut certain family members out of your life, only you can decide this. Best of luck with everything.

[ShimmyPop]

I can relate, all the arguments in our house were because of this very reason. But look, it did teach me a valuable lesson. I shower my family in gifts because I have the means, but my parents were so poor, they probably did think they were providing well enough even though we felt we never had enough. It's all relative to the situation, my dad lived in a shack in village, putting a roof over our heads was "having it all..." Sure my shoes had holes in them, but he never wore shoes... Once I understoodit, I understood why I too want to give my family the best if everything. But, not at my own expense. I stopped hating my childhood and my parents once I tried to understand their perspective. I'm also fiercely independent and incredibly proud that all of this led me to building my own financial security. Sometimes we don't get the life we want, but appreciating WHY, is incredibly liberating.

[Flatoutonsofa]

I understand that they're your family, but really, do you need to stay in touch with them? They sound awful. I think it would be a good idea to sit your mum down and put it firmly that it's not helpful or appropriate for her to speak so freely about your financial arrangements. If you or your parents ever speak to these money-grabbing relatives, I'd say quite bluntly, don't be so bloody ridiculous, I work hard, that's where my money comes from. And I wouldn't give them a penny, ever.

[BlueThistles]

OP did you tell your Mother to stop
discussing your financial business with them... 🌺

[LOTM]

Can I have some of your lottery win please?

;)