To feel like my partner is way out of my league?

[chickenwings7]

Very silly I know. Feeling a bit down lately and wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this with their other half. I've been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years and he makes me very happy but I've always had this niggling feeling that he's very much out of my league and I have no idea why he would want to be with someone like me.

He is in good shape, has a lovely smile, amazing tattoo's which compliment his body even more. He's smart, funny, kind (I can honestly say there is not a bad bone in his body). Has a very good job, a degree.

I'm on the larger side (well, a size 16). I don't think I'm gorgeous or naturally pretty. I have an okay job, but no degree or many qualifications (struggled in school). I don't think I'm particularly smart but I do have a lot of life skills. One thing I will compliment myself on is (I think) I'm funny and have been told so by quite a few people. Obviously I know he loves me and sees something in me which I can't see. He makes me feel special every day. He's never given me any reason to believe he would cheat or hurt me but I do worry he might find someone better one day. I don't know why I feel this way.

Any advice?

First world problems I know!

It's not all about looks or how clever you are OP. Those are clearly things you feel you're lacking in, but he obv likes you, your humour & your curves. If it really bothers you , you could do an evening class in something you're interested in , just to give your confidence a boost .It doesn't have to be academic. Or, you could see if theres anything job related or a first step in a diff career you've considered instead. I wasn't great at school due to anxiety issues but when I retrained as an adult I found evening classes so much easier & it's more coursework than exams too. What nice things would friends say about you, those are things that should boost your self esteem. Also,it sounds mad but writing down positives about yourself gives them more weight & helps you realise them . If you'e happy with your weight & your bf likes curves, I wouldn't worry tbh. If you're not, beginners workouts on You Tube are great & you are spoilt for choice in hair, makeup & outfit tutorials for every age, size & shape too.

I think DH is out of my league
He thinks I’m out of his league

It sounds like you put yourself down and actually he sees you for the beauty you are that you don’t see in yourself

Honestly, OP, these things are subjective — there is no ‘league’. I mean, what you say about your boyfriend sounds very ordinary to me, and nothing at all about it suggests any quantifiable difference to what you say about yourself. I don’t mean that bitchily, only to point out that you sound as if you have an inflated sense of him as an excellent catch just as you have an unnecessarily harsh take on yourself as a poor one.

Being funny out trumps everything else imv.
I would choose a funny partner over the rest. Unfortunately I went for clever and reliable

Agree with the poster above. Having someone who thinks you’re great, fancies the bones off you, and makes you laugh trumps a supermodel brainiac millionaire any day. He probably can’t believe his luck!

My advice would be to value yourself more! This really has nothing to do with imaginary ‘leagues’, it’s all about your view of yourself. You say he has a nice smile, is good looking etc - I’m sure he’d give a list of things he loves about you if you asked him. Be careful that your lack of self esteem doesn’t become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Look for some books on the subject or talk to your boyfriend about how you feel, take some proactive steps to change the way you’re thinking.

The first time I saw my DH I mentioned to a friend that I thought he was hot. Said 'friend' took one look and said 'he's out of your league'. Now 19 years and counting...the 'friend' is no liner on the scene!

Everyone likes different things. A girl I knew at uni thought her boyfriend was an absolute 10, I thought he looked like a wonky version of a plastic Ken doll.

Your BFs tattoos would be a huge turn off to me.

As would the sort of muscley physique of a bloke who lifts a lot of weights, its just not my thing.

Take time to fall in love with yourself OP.

In fact your boyfriend sounds very average.
Degree, good job, so what.
Tattoos are ten a penny.

Don't put yourself down. Remember he has chosen to be with you. And he is very kind to you. Believe that you are worthy as a person.

Surely his amazing tattoos are credit to the tattoo artist, not him?

OP, in your post you come across as very attractive -- eloquent, expressive, modest, charming, someone who appreciates the best in others. So, you don't have a degree. It's clearly not for lack of brains. Size 16? Boobs.
In my experience, there's such a vast spectrum of what people find attractive in a partner that to think about leagues is just a waste of effort. Guys I've fancied have been written off by my friends as "a bit nerdy", "square", "boring", "too quiet" and so on. Men I've considered lean and elegant are "bony and awkward" to others. Some men have called me plain, even that lovely Australian epithet "a bushpig"; others have said I'm a classic beauty.
There's just no way to rank our highly individuals taste in leagues, so please just enjoy your gorgeous boyfriend and know that he finds you gorgeous too!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Start a diary and every day add something you like about yourself

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Everyone likes different things. A girl I knew at uni thought her boyfriend was an absolute 10, I thought he looked like a wonky version of a plastic Ken doll.

Your BFs tattoos would be a huge turn off to me.

As would the sort of muscley physique of a bloke who lifts a lot of weights, its just not my thing.

This!

What people find attractive varies hugely.
A friend was seeing a girl he thought was out of his league. I mean she was nice enough but no where near as attractive as my friend thought she was. (Imo)

Being funny is a massively attractive and like pp said trumps everything. I would take a man who could make me laugh over looks any day

Being able to share a good laugh with your partner is priceless.

Husband and I are together 30+ years and we can really crack each other up.

It is one of the things that I I really love and enjoy about him.

Sharing a sense of humour is a big thing in a long term partner.

Far more important than looks.

Looks really fade.

Hard to believe when you are very young.

Having a quick witted partner who makes you cackle is such a gift, it certainly can alleviate a lot of stress as you go through life together.

Don't spoil what you have for both of you by giving this power.

Also if he is such a lovely guy as you obviously believe, it doesn't sound as if he is as shallow as your post might imply.

Enjoy what you have.

Apart from different tastes etc, you may be very good in the bedroom, the humour may be especially appreciated because others in your DPs life are dour and/or serious, any number of other reasons.

Maybe he loves you?

My dh told me when he was at his last company that he knew there were some women, who found him attractive one maybe fancied him. It wasn’t to make me jealous btw. We’ve been together decades. And you know what? He chose to marry and procreate with me.

I also wouldn’t find your dp attractive btw. Stop putting yourself down. It’s actually not attractive. So don’t push him away when he is clearly really into you.

Looks are totally subjective and there is no such thing as "leagues"; that word implies there are certain standards set by society and you are in one of them based on the way your physical attributes.

I know you're just saying it as a turn of phrase, but please stop using it as you're putting yourself down for absolutely no reason.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't find someone covered in tattoos sexually attractive, but you do and he is your boyfriend ☺️

I heard somewhere that love is when you both think you’re dating up.

I wouldn’t normally appreciate a tattoo but if Jason Moama rocked up I would gladly make a concession😆 But seriously you find each other hot so what’s the problem? Leave your hang ups at the door and enjoy what you have.

OP, have you heard the quote "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind" (it comes from A Midsummer Night's Dream, and the rest of the line is "and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind")?

He loves you, you make him happy 😍. Like a PP above, DH and I have been together for over 30 years. We're always laughing, singing at each other (!), doing daft things. And we both still say that we're punching above our weight!

I know what you mean. Sometimes I think I must have an amazing personality for my husband to have wanted to be with me. Thing is, I'm just an average person with good and bad traits so I've no idea why he's with me!!!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.