To feel like my partner is way out of my league?

[chickenwings7]

Very silly I know. Feeling a bit down lately and wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this with their other half. I've been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years and he makes me very happy but I've always had this niggling feeling that he's very much out of my league and I have no idea why he would want to be with someone like me.

He is in good shape, has a lovely smile, amazing tattoo's which compliment his body even more. He's smart, funny, kind (I can honestly say there is not a bad bone in his body). Has a very good job, a degree.

I'm on the larger side (well, a size 16). I don't think I'm gorgeous or naturally pretty. I have an okay job, but no degree or many qualifications (struggled in school). I don't think I'm particularly smart but I do have a lot of life skills. One thing I will compliment myself on is (I think) I'm funny and have been told so by quite a few people. Obviously I know he loves me and sees something in me which I can't see. He makes me feel special every day. He's never given me any reason to believe he would cheat or hurt me but I do worry he might find someone better one day. I don't know why I feel this way.

Any advice?

A long time ago when I referred to an x as out of my league a old lady I knew said to me.

My dear what really matters is. He doesn't think you are out of his.

Stuck with me ever since. As what matters is what does he think and he thinks you are in the same league as he wants to be with you.

Lots of people think their partners are way more attractive then they actually are, just look at the MNs who do you fancy threads.

@Northernsoullover

I have a friend who described her new partner as 'like a Greek god' . I was expecting to meet some male model and yes, he was perfectly nice and definitely attractive but not someone that I would have looked twice at. Sometimes it just your perception of them.

Absolutely. I have a male friend who, despite a subsequent marriage of 20 years, still carries a torch for his first girlfriend who he genuinely believes to be an insanely beautiful goddess with a fiery wit, a brilliant mind, an alluring manner etc etc.

However, as she left him for and then married somebody extremely well known (not so much now) and got a lot of media attention/interviews at the time and at a couple of points subsequently, and has written and produced some tv she appears to be a standard-issue, slightly horse-faced, jolly-hockey-sticks Head Girl type who seems perfectly pleasant but entirely ordinary.

Her eternal beauty and brilliant mind are largely in his head.

I mean, I’m sure we can all think of the enhanced version of ourselves held by someone who loves us.

OP, don't do yourself down, you sound absolutely lovely!

My DH has a brain as big as a planet and I left school at 15 with barely an exam to my name. I loved his intelligence but thought there was no way it could last. I over-compensated by being the funny one, the party girl, the life and soul of the party.... and I'm still like that now probably, but have educated myself somewhat and him and I compliment each other.... he's the super brainy one, who hasn't a clue on lots of stuff and I'm the practical one.
36 years on we're still together

OP you have a lot to offer and don't you forget that, he is lucky to be with you.

The whole idea of "leagues" is bollocks and tbh its all in the mind.

By definition you are in his league because he's chosen to be with you.

The reasons one person is attracted to another defy logic and categorisation: it isn't like a box-ticking exercise where you choose someone according to their height/weight/age/interests. It just doesn't work like that.

Ha ha.....marry him, quick

Aw, OP! I'm sure you're lovely. Your fella clearly thinks so.

It is love goggles previously known as beer goggles OP.

Op I feel the same!

Mine is gorgeous, earns good money, kind, funny and a great parent to my DD.

I am a size 20 and still have acne. I also suffer from depression so that probably explains why i feel this way!

My mother constantly asks how i landed him 🙄.

We have been together 5 years and are expecting our first baby together, so I must have something going for me 😂

It’s so subjective, isn’t it? Just as well🤣

I remember, years ago going to a party where I saw this man who literally took my breath away. When I saw him I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen with a perfect face. His clothes, looks, etc all complemented his image and I just was almost incredulous. We started talking (very strange for me but we we were the only two English speakers abroad) and that night he walked me home. For the next three months we were inseparable.

As intelligent as this man was, as handsome as I found him, and as nice and kind as he was, I just lost interest🤔 and started a massive crush on the shy, nerdy bookworm on my course. There is absolutely no reasoning behind it - we had so much in common, too.

Went on to become a successful DJ internationally, caught the start of digital and made millions with a well known music brand.

Nerdy guy became successful too in respective field.

There is no rhyme or reason - there really isn’t. 🙂

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Everyone likes different things. A girl I knew at uni thought her boyfriend was an absolute 10, I thought he looked like a wonky version of a plastic Ken doll.

Your BFs tattoos would be a huge turn off to me.

As would the sort of muscley physique of a bloke who lifts a lot of weights, its just not my thing.

Wonky version of a plastic ken doll 😭😭😭

Btw, I saw a as picture of this guy recently online and I got the ick🤪

Your partner sees something in you he loves. Enjoy it🙂

Being funny is pretty much top of most peoples attractiveness list. He probably thinks he’s punching above his weight.

If your self esteem is a bit low think about ways to build it.

I have a theory about really good looking people - 1 They seem to not only be good looking, they also have good posture, nice voice, shiny hair, great teeth, pleasant nature (how can one person have all that?) but 2 being so attractive means people fall at their feet and they have no need to develop a personality and are lovely to admire but v boring.

@PinkyParrot

Yep. I also think that when we find someone who has all that our expectations of their personality are much higher. They’ve achieved Godlike status in our minds because of their looks so we expect an amazing time/personality/wit to go with it.

Combine the two factors and they are nearly always a disappointment

I have a different theory about very good looking people.

Because they're less damaged by life, in that they have suffered less disappointments, they tend to be more cheerful and positive and more fun to be around.

I think its possible that I wouldn't consider the OP's DP to be good looking though, because I'm not keen on tattoos or that overly muscular body type. I saw some of the new male Love Island contestants recently and they were about as far removed from the more classical type of male handsomeness thats standard in most countries as you can imagine. Some of them were actually wearing ankle length skin tight jeans, which I think only look good on really skinny men. They were all quite chunky.