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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands family all on WhatsApp group but I’ve not been added

53 replies

Hellothere3 · 22/01/2021 16:56

My husband’s family have had a WhatsApp group going for a few years. All his aunties/uncles/cousins/parents/siblings are on it. This didn’t bother me until one day all of the cousin’s and sibling’s partners were added to the group except me. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, longer than some of them have been with their partners. I feel really left out. AIBU?

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 22/01/2021 16:58

What does your husband say about it?

MsSquiz · 22/01/2021 17:02

Did one person add all of the partners? And do they have your number?

Why hasn't your husband just added you to the group?

sunsshineshowerss · 22/01/2021 17:02

You've got a husband problem.
As well as his family.
Why has HE let this happen and been a party to such disrespect ?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/01/2021 17:04

Depends. I'd love to not be on a WhatsApp group. Do you want to be on it?

muckypaws · 22/01/2021 17:04

Can't you just ask to be added?

lovescaca · 22/01/2021 17:04

Why would u want to be added 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ x

Persephoned · 22/01/2021 17:04

Have they got your number? If not, ask your DH to give it to them, if they do then get your DH to message them reminding them to add you.

Baconking · 22/01/2021 17:34

Maybe the cousins & siblings added their own partners. Why hasn't your DH added you or asked to add you?

I'm not in my DH family group but he's not in mine either...

Sethy38 · 22/01/2021 17:37

No idea whether you’re being unreasonable as for all we know you could be a racist, anti Semitic, profoundly unpleasant person, which would explain why you weren’t added!

Winterwoollies · 22/01/2021 17:39

My god, I’d be so pleased not to be subjected a WhatsApp group of inlaws. I’ve left the one I’m in twice and I keep getting added back in.

jasmin93 · 22/01/2021 17:40

I see what you mean. Same with my family group. Auntie set it up and everyone was added - apart from my husband.
Maybe she did not add him because he doesnt speak german and cant reply in the same language? I was upset regardless. It would have been right manners to add him too. He could still change the setting to silent if he was too bothered.
Never did i mention it to them. I do not want to cause an argument.

You are not being unreasonable. Its rude.

HappyFlamingo · 22/01/2021 17:41

I'm not on my DH's family WhatsApp group and I'm fine with that, but it's just him and his parents and his brother. Yes, it would bother me a lot if his brother's girlfriend was added and I wasn't.

MyLifeWTF · 22/01/2021 17:41

Its better to stay out of it, I was on my partners WhatsApp group and its a breeding ground for arguments and stroppy people leaving when they aren't talking to someone and then being re added when the arguments over, and you get dragged in.....it was hilarious.

icanboogieboogiewoogie · 22/01/2021 17:42

Mine are the same. I don't think most partners are on but to be honest, I'm quite glad. DH offered to add me as one of the BILs is on but I graciously declined.

Mylittlepony374 · 22/01/2021 17:44

I'm in EXACTLY the same situation. Are you sure you're not my sister in law and this isn't some kind of reverse?
My husband told me about group. Asked did I want to be added. I didn't because it was clear they didnt want me included-they all have my number etc. Actually its been a positive as I've stopped trying to interact with them at all. I used to send Happy Birthday messages, thank yous for things they got my kids etc but never got anything in return and now they've made it clear I'm not wanted its like a weight off my shoulders. That's not to say it didn't hurt initially. I don't think I deserved to be the only one left out, really tried to consider am I the arsehole and don't know it but I really don't think I am.

happytoday73 · 22/01/2021 17:44

Have you posted about this before on mumsnet? If not worth a search as it's definitely been discussed

Clymene · 22/01/2021 17:44

I'd be so happy if I could get out of family WhatsApp groups

MorrisZapp · 22/01/2021 17:45

I don't think partners are generally on the family group chat are they? At this point people want less group chat pings, not more.

raspberrysundaes · 22/01/2021 17:47

Can't your DH just add you?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/01/2021 17:48

Are you my DH's cousins wife? Or his brothers fiancee?

Dh cousin and brother it just wouldnt enter their heads and if their wives ever mentioned in front of me that they wanted adding i would tell DH to sort it but as I'm the "in law" its sort of not my place to do it .

Men can be utterly shite at realising some people WANT to be in such groups. Dh finds the family version of this annoying and ignores it and cant see why anyone would want to be added.

Catwoman123 · 22/01/2021 17:48

This happened to me too...only it was my own husband who set up the group and failed to add me on it even though all siblings partners were on. It was definitely a husband problem.

OhCaptain · 22/01/2021 17:48

It’s highly likely to be an oversight and not on purpose unless there’s a backstory.

Sexnotgender · 22/01/2021 17:50

I’m on DH’s family WhatsApp, it’s tedious as fuck.

saraclara · 22/01/2021 17:50

Maybe it was just a mistake? I mean, I know accidental errors don't make for good Mumsnetting, but surely it's easily done if adding lots of people at once?

June628 · 22/01/2021 17:50

I couldn’t imagine anything worse than being in a group with all of my husband’s extended family. He asked if I wanted to be part of one with him & his parents & I laughed. You’re better off OP