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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husbands family all on WhatsApp group but I’ve not been added

53 replies

Hellothere3 · 22/01/2021 16:56

My husband’s family have had a WhatsApp group going for a few years. All his aunties/uncles/cousins/parents/siblings are on it. This didn’t bother me until one day all of the cousin’s and sibling’s partners were added to the group except me. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, longer than some of them have been with their partners. I feel really left out. AIBU?

OP posts:

saraclara · 22/01/2021 17:53

@MorrisZapp

I don't think partners are generally on the family group chat are they? At this point people want less group chat pings, not more.

Yep. My daughters and I have had a WhatsApp group for organising and sharing stuff for ages. It's only very recently that another's been created including partners, and that's only because we were all going on holiday together. The partners are lovely, but I don't think it ever occurred to any of us that they'd be the slightest bit interested in our conversations.

QueenOwl · 22/01/2021 18:08

OMG, I would be thanking my lucky stars.

speakout · 22/01/2021 18:11

Personally I would find that a lucky break.

Summersun2020 · 22/01/2021 18:17

I think people saying they would be glad are unhelpful as the OP is clearly not glad about being left out 🙄
OP I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to feel left out, I understand why you’d feel that way.
However I think it’s a bit silly to not just address it straight off the bat- hey husband! Why aren’t I in this WhatsApp group, you all talking about me? Or something lighthearted.
Hubby may not be able to add you as I think only group admins can-u less there’s a huge backstory it’s likely a simple oversight. Just ask to be added? You’re likely being offended over nothing.

lovepickledlimes · 22/01/2021 18:31

Is it possible that none of them realize you are not in the group. Try talking to you DH about it. Is it at all possible they are trying to plan some surprise for you? unless there is some massive back story of you being regularly left out or having issues with them I would try see it as a genuine over sight

1FootInTheRave · 22/01/2021 18:39

Depends on the nature of the group.

My in-laws group is full of jokes and memes.

No point adding someone that would be offended etc.

Tbf, there is no one left out as we all have a similar sense of humour.

HamAndButterSandwich · 22/01/2021 18:50

I wouldn't attribute it to malice when it might just have been forgetfulness? My DH has a family whatsapp group I haven't been included on some other partners are. I'm almost certain it's just because they've forgotten and DH shows me all the cute pics anyway. Why hasn't DH just added you himself?

adreamofspring · 22/01/2021 19:06

You’re lucky! In Law WhatsApp is worse than school mums WhatsApp. I’m trying to work out how I can leave the group without causing a major political incident

EmilyInParis · 22/01/2021 19:10

I'm not in my husbands extended family one either thank fuck.

If only I could escape the one with his mother and sister in it.

EmilyInParis · 22/01/2021 19:10

@adreamofspring

You’re lucky! In Law WhatsApp is worse than school mums WhatsApp. I’m trying to work out how I can leave the group without causing a major political incident

If you find a way, let me know.

AlternativePerspective · 22/01/2021 19:15

You’re lucky! In Law WhatsApp is worse than school mums WhatsApp. I’m trying to work out how I can leave the group without causing a major political incident I’m not in my DP’s one thank Christ. And DP has muted it because it gets up to 80 messages a day which are all just tedious memes and mindless crap.

You just need to ask your husband why you’re not on it and if you can be added, his answer will tel you what you want to know, iyswim.

AlternativePerspective · 22/01/2021 19:17

You’re lucky! In Law WhatsApp is worse than school mums WhatsApp. I’m trying to work out how I can leave the group without causing a major political incident

Mute the group and skim over it once a week or so just to make sure you haven’t missed anything.

Quail15 · 22/01/2021 19:17

My husband is in two family WhatsApp groups - one for his immediate family and one with all the cousins etc... I'm not in either (thank goodness). I'm sure if I asked I would be added but if they discuss anything important I expect either my husband or mother in law will let me know.

Have you asked to be added? It could just be a mistake.

AuldFox · 22/01/2021 19:23

@Clymene

I'd be so happy if I could get out of family WhatsApp groups

Agreed.

In law WhatsApp group would be my idea of hell!

BettyAndVeronica · 22/01/2021 19:55

Count yourself lucky.

I "left" the inlaw group chat. Constant irrelevant messages did my head in.

jellytot24 · 22/01/2021 23:54

Consider it a lucky break OP.

I left my DH's family WhatsApp group in early December after threatening to do so several times over a couple of years. The final straw was when someone started spouting on about Covid being a conspiracy - I'd just lot a relative to it so it was either me leaving or creating WW3 with him. I left. No one has mentioned it. I immediately felt lighter.

RoseMartha · 23/01/2021 00:05

I wasnt on my now exh family's whatsapp group but the other in-laws were which I always found a bit odd especially when I asked them a question when visiting and they reacted off hand to me because they thought I had read it on the group. I often had to explain I wasn't in the group so didnt get the news, my exh never shared the news with me verbally either. Still didnt get added even though they had my number. I just thought it was strange but not worth getting het up about.

Sceptre86 · 23/01/2021 08:01

I have had similar. I was on the family watsapp group, then lost my phone and got a new number and was never added back in. About a year passed and bil apparently realised that I was not in it and added me. I use it the least tbh and send pics of the kids directly to mil.

IndecentFeminist · 23/01/2021 08:05

He could add you.

Anycrispsleft · 23/01/2021 08:10

Is there a reason you suspect you've been deliberately left out rather than overlooked? Have you had the feeling in the past that they try to exclude you?

YonderTweek · 23/01/2021 08:37

This happened to me too. We were going on a big family holiday with all of my husband's family, and when we got there everyone kept talking about how they would add all the photos taken during the trip "to the group". I was a bit confused for a while and it turns out they were all in a WhatsApp group created for the holiday. At first I wasn't bothered because I thought it was just for my husband's family, but then all the siblings' partners said they were in it too, and they weren't even particularly close to anyone else in the family. Eventually my husband asked the organiser to add me and when I was added I saw that the group had been going on for over six months and it was full of messages from everyone about planning the holiday and joking around and getting excited about the holiday. I must admit I felt a bit crap about it. I guess being left out is never nice.

I know I should have been pleased to escape the dreaded family group chat but I was still annoyed. There was another group chat for another holiday that I was added to, but the holiday was cancelled due to Covid. I was planning to dramatically leave the group but ho hum.

saraclara · 23/01/2021 08:43

Unless there's a huge back story, I imagine it's an oversight to be honest. It was probably down to the original members to ask for their partners to be added. The others did, your DH didn't. This is a very simple thing to put right, just get your DH to ask too.

AliceinBunniland · 23/01/2021 08:50

Ask your husband

My husband's family have a whatsapp group but it is just his siblings and parents, not partners. It is strange if other partners are included and you aren't but it could be because someone didn't have your number.

Not sure why you wouldnt just ask your husband to get you added on

notanothertakeaway · 23/01/2021 08:58

I wouldn't over think this. Probably an oversight / they thougt you wouldn't be interested

Ask to join, and see what happens

Cuntitinthebin · 23/01/2021 09:21

That sounds like my idea of hell.

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