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AIBU?

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Original poster

To still be texting him?

32 replies

Nowiknowimanidiot · 21/01/2021 17:57

I know what I should be doing and why I should be doing it, but for the love of God why am I not doing it?

For context I was ghosted 5 months ago by someone I was with for just over 7 months, it came completely out of the blue and it really hurt me.
In that time I called 3 times in the first two weeks and have text him 4 times and have been ignored. Last week I sent a message to all my contacts by mistake and he replied to me asking if we could talk.
I left it a few days as I was thinking about whether to reply or not, in the end I did and said yes I would like to talk, however since then we haven’t actually said anything he was meant to call last night after work but didn’t, which has pissed me off a bit but not unexpected.
I feel really ranty today and want to know why he actually done it.

I’ve pretty much got over it and definitely don’t want to be with him anymore, but why do I feel myself wanting to message or call him to get those answers?

OP posts:
BornIn78 · 21/01/2021 18:02

He knows you’re still there, willing and ready to be back in touch when he clicks his fingers. You’ll never get any actual answers or explanation from him.

Do yourself a favour and delete him from your contacts so you don’t text him by “mistake” HmmGrin again.

Original poster
Nowiknowimanidiot · 21/01/2021 18:09

I know all of this but why can I not do it?!

And it was a genuine mistake I went from using WhatsApp on a Samsung to an iPhone and the layout is different. I sent a TikTok meaning to go on my status but sent it to my whole phone book. —serves me right for trying to keep up with the kids—

OP posts:
Original poster
Nowiknowimanidiot · 21/01/2021 18:10

And I just failed the strike through Grin

OP posts:
Cuntitinthebin · 21/01/2021 18:15

Delete and block.

No more texting mistakes.

No more waiting around for him to call as he won't be able to.

Problem solved.

WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly · 21/01/2021 18:17

Delete and block him. He only messaged you because he wanted to see if you were still dangling on a string for him. You are, so he'll ignore you again now.

Take your power back and delete him.

2020iscancelled · 21/01/2021 18:22

I would say it’s because you’ve been rejected and when we are rejected it’s really hard to process without a reason (or even with reasons sometimes) but the key here is that he could offer you a reason, which might even be genuine but it won’t actually be enough to feel ok with the rejection.

Even though you don’t want to get back with him, you still want to feel like it was a valid reason he ghosted you - but he won’t realistically be able to give you that, because people with valid reasons don’t ghost people. They communicate.

Honestly I would just block and move on. When the horse is dead, get off.

Decide to wish him well in your head and let it go

ChristmasFluff · 21/01/2021 19:11

Well I certainly wouldn't wish him well, because he's an asshole double-ghoster.

but him ghosting you put you in a position of feeling rejected. Instead of viewing it as him being an utterly spineless twat of low moral fibre, you made his disappearance mean something about you. It doesn't.

Not everyone will be a match for eachother, and sometimes unfortunately, it will only be one person who sees that. .A decent person, after a 7 month relationship, will tell you that nicely, to your face. To ghost is totally unacceptable in those circumstances - unless you were abusive, which presumably you would have mentioned.

You and him were not a match - and the double-ghosting is evidence it's because he was a cowardly, using type of person.

Stop trying to be chosen by an asshole. Every time you start dwelling on him, turn your mind to showing yourself how much you love you. You can meet your need for love - he can't.

Original poster
Nowiknowimanidiot · 21/01/2021 19:54

Of course I felt rejected and I know it wasn’t me, there was no abuse we hadn’t even had an argument and everything seemed to be going really well, so it completely threw me of balance.

I am over it and him, I’ve done the whole crying feeling sorry for myself part and am better now, that’s how I know I do not want him I will never go back there, because I know I’m worth more than that. But I still want to know why.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 21/01/2021 19:59

What answer do you think you would get? If he wanted to talk to you, he would. He's not interested. That is the why.

Original poster
Nowiknowimanidiot · 21/01/2021 21:40

I don’t even know what answer I’m expecting.

OP posts:
dudsville · 21/01/2021 21:55

OP, you still want to know why. What do you think would be a reason that would adequately explain his behaviour such that you could move on?

(Pro tip, there's never a good enough reason for this)

Besiegedbykillersquirrels · 21/01/2021 22:29

When there is a bad smell in the bathroom you flush it away, you don't leave it there to keep sniffing. Flush him and all his bullshit completely away. He's irrelevant. Even if he does end up phoning it's doubtful he'll tell the truth. I can't see any good coming from it. Forget him and move on.

letsdolunch321 · 21/01/2021 22:32

Have you blocked him yet @Nowiknowimanidiot ?!?!

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 21/01/2021 22:36

Let us know when you have blocked then deleted him. With proof! 🙈

Wheresmykimchi · 21/01/2021 22:40

@Nowiknowimanidiot

Of course I felt rejected and I know it wasn’t me, there was no abuse we hadn’t even had an argument and everything seemed to be going really well, so it completely threw me of balance.

I am over it and him, I’ve done the whole crying feeling sorry for myself part and am better now, that’s how I know I do not want him I will never go back there, because I know I’m worth more than that. But I still want to know why.

Ignore PP - it's natural to think he's an idiot but still want to know why!
DrManhattan · 21/01/2021 22:58

Delete his number. Hes gonna ghost you twice. Just get rid

1Morewineplease · 21/01/2021 23:03

It sounds like you haven't got over him.
There's also a whiff of " I don't want to get over him."
The only way to get over him is to block him completely.
I'm suspecting that you're not really willing to.

Original poster
Nowiknowimanidiot · 21/01/2021 23:12

I’ve blocked him!
I’ve just sat in the bath and had a little cry, because I know what everyone says is right he’s not going to give me an answer and will ghost me again.

It hurts a bit, but I am for the most part over it. I’ve been through worse breakups than this and I’ve survived.

OP posts:
DuchessofHastings1 · 21/01/2021 23:17

I would text him saying.

"Ok. So your a double ghoster and wanker. The message was sent by mistake, don't assume I wanted to rekindle anything. I only wanted to speak with you to see if you have the decency or the balls to give me an explanation as to why you go out with someone for 7 months and then out of the blue cut contact without giving them a reason why. I can see I was wrong. Don't message me again."

DuchessofHastings1 · 21/01/2021 23:19

And then block him. I think you need to establish you weren't to rekindle things, well I would anyway. Couldn't let someone think I was that easy to pick up and throw away again.

Original poster
Nowiknowimanidiot · 21/01/2021 23:29

@DuchessofHastings1 I did actually send him a text saying that and I only wanted to wtf had happend, but I wasn’t interested in rekindling anything. Gave him 30 mins to respond, he didn’t so I’ve blocked him.

OP posts:
DuchessofHastings1 · 21/01/2021 23:37

What a cunt.

This ghosting craze that's been going on these past few years is beyond me. Its disgusting and cowardly - especially after 7 month.

I honestly think if it happened to me I'd go Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. I would hunt him down to the corners of the earth and go totally bat shit.

Wheresmykimchi · 21/01/2021 23:47

@DuchessofHastings1

What a cunt.

This ghosting craze that's been going on these past few years is beyond me. Its disgusting and cowardly - especially after 7 month.

I honestly think if it happened to me I'd go Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. I would hunt him down to the corners of the earth and go totally bat shit.

I had a guy chucked me out the blue . Hurt but fine. Came back, wanted to meet and talk. Came to the day of meeting and did it againi went batshit and said things I shouldn't have said. Now I'm the arsehole and he can barely look me in the eye.
partyatthepalace · 21/01/2021 23:48

Because he is a manipulative knob, using behaviours designed to hook you.

However you do have the power to ignore him - so do that. It’s not true that you ‘can’t’ - don’t disempower yourself - you’ve already got him trying to do that.

Notmoreuodates5 · 21/01/2021 23:53

You don’t need him OP.