To be annoyed by this comment

[HNY2021]

OH ‘they are using X as a vaccine centre’
Me ‘oh DS foresaw that happening’
OH ‘he didn’t foresee that, X was used as a testing centre it’s pretty obvious, it’s like saying Christmas Day will be ok the 25th of December this year’

For context DS is 9

Also what would have been your response to that.

|It was a tetchy exchange with neither of you at your best perhaps. if it happens regularly, then you (both of you) may have things to look at seriously. If a one off, then not a big deal.

@LaceyBetty

My guess is that this is not a one-off and OH has form for being mildly pissy at things you say and you'd had enough and called him on it this time and he didn't like you arguing, but you are just expected to accept him arguing with you. I get it and it would annoy me too.

I agree this can’t just be down to this one comment??

gannett

From now on I’ll just bite my tongue and smile and nod.
just need to find out a way of changing myself now

Can't imagine where anyone would have got the impression of you as passive-aggressive OP. A mystery

That's exactly what I thought.
A masterclass in PA.

@HNY2021

No I started this thread to see if I am the issue here which it seams I am.

It’s hard being yourself and people seeing your feelings has making a mountain out of a molehill and passive aggressive, just need to find out a way of changing myself now.

If this is a one off then yes, mountain out of a molehill.

If there is a bigger backstory between your DH and DS, and this is the tip of the iceberg, without further details it is hard to advise.

Was this in front of your son?

@SmileyClare

Look, either your partner regularly belittles your son and is dismissive of him, in which case it's understandable you're annoyed. Or this is a one off comment from your partner and you need to take your son off the pedestal and lighten up.

This^^

The exchange itself is nothing remarkable, so I would've thought there are a few possibilities:

1. He tends to talk down your DS and you snapped.

1. You're a bit precious and think everything your DS says or does is amazing and he snapped.

1. You're both fed up sniping at each other and both snapped.

Either there’s history of DH being really down/negative towards DS or you have history of believing the sun shines out of his bum- or a combination of the two.

@LaMarschallin

gannett

From now on I’ll just bite my tongue and smile and nod.
just need to find out a way of changing myself now

Can't imagine where anyone would have got the impression of you as passive-aggressive OP. A mystery

That's exactly what I thought.
A masterclass in PA.

You see this is an example of me just being myself and it being wrong.

To me not voicing my disagreement is biting my tongue - ok rather than smiling I nodding I say nothing, and I do really want to work on myself.

Yes I am a very black white thinker.

Other answers no he’s not his Dad.

@LaceyBetty

My guess is that this is not a one-off and OH has form for being mildly pissy at things you say and you'd had enough and called him on it this time and he didn't like you arguing, but you are just expected to accept him arguing with you. I get it and it would annoy me too.

This is pretty much how I feel.

Clearly it’s just me but I would have been mildly pissed off too. It seems as though he was deliberately trying to minimise something your ds has said that you felt was quite clever (and I agree it was rather smart of a 9 y/o to notice).

I think he seems a bit nasty tbh. I’m wondering what kind if grown man needs to belittle the achievements of a 9 y/o (perceived or genuine) and if it happens regularly I would seriously consider leaving.

I voted YABU but I assume there is a lot of background you haven't gone into. If this is a regular thing where he nitpicks everything you say then yes I would be annoyed. I hate it when people are OTT pedantic and you can't say anything without it coming back negative/as a criticism when it really was just an offhand thought. If you think you could have said any word other than 'foresaw' and he would have reacted the same, then yeah that's annoying.

If this is a one off and no backstory then YABU. But if it's constant pedantic nitpicking then YANBU.

I think I would have also been a bit irritated about your comments, just because “foresaw” is a bit ridiculous when it’s not exactly a big reach for anyone. But unless I was in a bad mood/generally annoyed with you I wouldn’t have said anything. And if I were in your position, I would have been annoyed at me having an issue with it!

It’s the exact kind of argument that happens easily when you have tension and are grumpy at each other. I don’t think either is really in the right, you should probably just both apologise and try to do something relaxing.

It sounds like your OH has a habit of nitpicking and this time you snapped. On the face of it, this is rather trivial, but it can often be the case that what seems in isolation to be trivia can be part of a much bigger picture.

I think a lot of couples are struggling with being cooped up together during lockdown, and there will inevitably be a lot of bickering. Maybe he’s always had a tendency to be dismissive of what you say, but it’s happening a lot more often now you’re together much more?

It’s impossible for us to be able to give you a helpful answer without more info about how your relationship is generally.

‘Accidentally’ slam your husband’s knob in the dishwasher door. And say, ‘oh you’re right. DS never foresaw that either’.

I mean - if this had been a conversation we had here, the next part would have been ‘pretty good for a 9 year old during a pandemic though, right?’

The fact this escalated to the point of argument is worrying for your relationship. Clearly you feel he’s unnecessarily critical; he feels you’re being overly complimentary.

Either way, this was a ridiculous thing to progress to an argument, clearly tempers are fraying. I agree with @Mittens030869

No I agree, there was no need for him to belittle your son’s interest and intelligent prediction. An answer such as ‘well he is a clever boy and has obviously been paying attention’ would have been nicer, followed by your husband engaging your son in a conversation about how and why he had managed to predict this centre would have been used. Making that comment does make him sound a bit dismissive and jealous of your son.

Surely I should be able to say this throwaway comment without it being scrutinised for maybe using a slightly incorrect word
I agree with you that people who just have to make pernickety responses to any insignificant comment are tiresome. My late husband and my friends aren't like that but my sister is and I've got so used to how my late dh was and friends are that I can't be bothered with it

@draughtycatflap

‘Accidentally’ slam your husband’s knob in the dishwasher door. And say, ‘oh you’re right. DS never foresaw that either’.

Haha It's immature but that really made me laugh

Total non-event. Can't believe you found this something to get wound up and argue about. You need to chill.

draughtycatflap 🤣🤣🤣🤣