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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this comment

96 replies

HNY2021 · 21/01/2021 07:06

OH ‘they are using X as a vaccine centre’
Me ‘oh DS foresaw that happening’
OH ‘he didn’t foresee that, X was used as a testing centre it’s pretty obvious, it’s like saying Christmas Day will be ok the 25th of December this year’

For context DS is 9

Also what would have been your response to that.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/01/2021 08:33

@HNY2021

There was a big argument because I disagreed with his disagreement and he had a go at me for arguing with him. I feel I have a right to reply.

From now on I’ll just bite my tongue and smile and nod.

Ph good. Play the martyr. You know that’s not what anyone said.
Theunamedcat · 21/01/2021 08:34

@HNY2021

OH ‘they are using X as a vaccine centre’ Me ‘oh DS foresaw that happening’ OH ‘he didn’t foresee that, X was used as a testing centre it’s pretty obvious, it’s like saying Christmas Day will be ok the 25th of December this year’

For context DS is 9

Also what would have been your response to that.

My response would probably be who pissed on your chips? because he is coming across as sour and a bit mardy my son has played some blinders guessing things all his (wanker of a) father says is while he is at it whats tonight's lotto numbers
notanothertakeaway · 21/01/2021 08:35
  • teasing
SmileyClare · 21/01/2021 08:35

There's some middle ground between biting your tongue, smiling and nodding and escalating an exchange into a massive argument. Confused

I mean sometimes dh and I will bicker over things and it'll turn into an argument because we're both in a spectacularly bad mood. Lockdown means more time stuck inside getting on each other's nerves.

No point dwelling or stewing all day though. Neither of you have to go to these lengths just to prove you're "right" about something and the other person is "wrong".

HapHap · 21/01/2021 08:36

There was no need for him to be sarcastic, but I would have probably just rolled my eyes rather than let it escalate into a row.

Is your DH usually, generally, a kind person? If so then I'd just put it down to him being a bit grumpy.

singsingbluesilver · 21/01/2021 08:38

Difficult to make a full judgment based on the little informaton we have here.

But I would hazard a guess that you are someone who does not let things go. It seems like a trivial thing to pick a row over. And even odder to start a thread on it. Were you hoping to get lots of support on MN so that you could go back to your OH and restart the argument?

It's all a bit odd.

ZaraW · 21/01/2021 08:40

You're being ridiculous.

LaceyBetty · 21/01/2021 08:41

I get what you are saying OP. Sounds like your OH couldn't just let your nine year old "have this" and needed to put you (and him) in his place. My DH would have said " oh cool, that's pretty perceptive for a young child". And it is! Sounds like this mug be a pattern of behaviour from you OH.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 21/01/2021 08:41

Yes, the entire exchange, the thread and the passive aggressive "fine I'll just smile sweetly and never say anything" (yeah right!) does suggest it might be hard to have conversations with you.

Though I wouldn't have bothered nitpicking over the word "foresaw" either if I knew what you meant.

paulstearne · 21/01/2021 08:44

My response would be absolutely nothing as absolutely nothing remarkable happened.

Mylittlepony374 · 21/01/2021 08:47

This is such a non issue. There must be big issues in your relationship if this is what you're arguing over. So strange.

Original poster
HNY2021 · 21/01/2021 08:48

No I started this thread to see if I am the issue here which it seams I am.

It’s hard being yourself and people seeing your feelings has making a mountain out of a molehill and passive aggressive, just need to find out a way of changing myself now.

OP posts:
TheUndoingProject · 21/01/2021 08:55

I think you’re getting a hard time here. It sounds like your DH was pretty dismissive and unkind towards your DS. I’d have wondered why it was so important for a grown man to belittle a child.

If my DH regularly treated our kids like that I’d be having a fight about it too.

bonfireheart · 21/01/2021 09:02

Honestly OP from your comments and attitude, you need someone you trust to talk to.

LaceyBetty · 21/01/2021 09:04

Is your OH his father?

Butterymuffin · 21/01/2021 09:05

So he can disagree with you and correct your word choice, but if you then disagree you're 'arguing with him', is that it? That would hack me off. I would reply to every 'disagreement' with 'There you go, looking for an argument again!'

ShopoholicIn · 21/01/2021 09:05

"SendHelp30

Only on MN would anyone be annoyed enough about this exchange that they have to make a thread about it.
"
This

MarthasGinYard · 21/01/2021 09:12

He doesn't have a birdy badge does he?

gannett · 21/01/2021 09:17

From now on I’ll just bite my tongue and smile and nod.
just need to find out a way of changing myself now

Can't imagine where anyone would have got the impression of you as passive-aggressive OP. A mystery

SmileyClare · 21/01/2021 09:20

Are you always this black and white about everything? Neither of you are right or wrong. It was a slightly annoying thing for your dh to say, you snapped back, probably too defensively it escalated into combative words.

Re visit it later with him if you must when you're both calmer. Tell him you felt he was dismissive of your son's opinion (if that's the issue) and MOVE ON. There's no need for all this drama.

Hope your day improves Smile

LaceyBetty · 21/01/2021 09:21

My guess is that this is not a one-off and OH has form for being mildly pissy at things you say and you'd had enough and called him on it this time and he didn't like you arguing, but you are just expected to accept him arguing with you. I get it and it would annoy me too.

SmileyClare · 21/01/2021 09:24

It's hard people seeing your feelings..

You haven't once said what your feelings were, why you reacted to dh's comment, whether he has form for this sort of thing or even explained why it annoyed you so much. No one has any idea of your feelings. ?

Ohalrightthen · 21/01/2021 09:25

Tbh i bet it was your use of the word "foresaw" that made your DH think you were being ridiculous. If you'd said "DS thought that might happen" it likely would have been fine. Saying he foresaw it implies that it was a conclusion few other people would have come to, and even at 9 i dont think it's much of a leap to think that a testing centre would be used as a vaccine centre.

I'd probably have laughed at you too tbh.

ProudAuntie76 · 21/01/2021 09:26

If it was you that escalated the argument then I think it’s all a bit disproportionate.

I think saying “DS foresaw that” is a bit dramatic, language wise. It does suggest some sort of mystical, magical power...maybe it was the choice of language or tone that irritated your DH. Saying “DS said the other day they might use the old testing centre as a vaccination centre” might have got a different response. It’s really making a big deal out of something that’s not.

I think, on both sides, it sounds like this was a “final straw” incident. Something about what or how you said it irritated him and something about his comment led you to use this as justification for a huge row. The comments alone, on both sides, are not grounds for a massive row. I think there must be some deeper issues in your marriage to have resulted in a huge argument.

In all honesty, if my DH replied with the same, I’d have chuckled and said, light heartedly, “ah well I was quite impressed with DS realising that, he is only 9 after all and I thought it was quite clever”. If he continued to go on then I’d simply have removed myself from the situation and said “I’m not arguing about this, it’s silly.”

dontdisturbmenow · 21/01/2021 09:27

Totally depends on the context. If you are one of those mums who always try to point out how clever her children are because they always pick things up before anyone else, then I can see why your oh would have snapped.

I know a number of mums like this and they are extremely annoying (and their kids rarely as clever as they like to believe).

If the situation is the opposite, your OH always trying to undermine your ds's abilities any chance he gets, then I can understand why you snapped.