Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Would you find this irritating?

61 replies

SummerBlondey · 20/01/2021 08:23

We live in a terraced house. One neighbour seems to hear our TV through the walls : this can be a problem late at night (obvs).

Several times a week, I will go to bed at around 10pm, and my DH will stay up a bit longer. I repeatedly ask him to use the timer function (which would turn the TV off at a set time), but he almost always forgets. Then he falls asleep until the early hours with the TV on. This means that I wake at around 2am, realise he's not in bed, then have to come downstairs and turn everything off (in case neighbours can hear). It then takes me 1 hour + to get back to sleep. Then, when he does come to bed at around 4am, he wakes me again, and again I take 1 hour + to get back to sleep.

Last night :

I go to bed at 10am
I wake at 1.30am - he is asleep on sofa - I come down to switch TV and lights off.
I don't get back to sleep until around 3am.
4.30am - I'm woken by him coming to bed
6am - I'm up for work

How would you feel about this?

OP posts:

LawnFever · 20/01/2021 08:27

Do you wake up because you can hear the tv and can’t get back to sleep? If so I understand going down and turning it all off but it you wake up and just realise he’s not there I’d leave him to it (and to deal with the neighbours)

Aprilx · 20/01/2021 08:28

I’d be very annoyed about him falling asleep on the sofa so frequently, it cannot be good for him for a start. I sleep badly and usually wake up several times in the night, so that part wouldn’t impact me but I can understand that it would bother a lot of people.

Happytentoes · 20/01/2021 08:28

Yes I would find it irritating - as much by him crawling into bed at that hour as anything else.
For your immediate issue - that of the tv - can you set a timer before you go to bed?

CleanAndPaidFor · 20/01/2021 08:29

Yes this would annoy the bejesus out of me too OP. I'm a light sleeper and something like this would completely disrupt me. What does your husband say? Does he not realise it's upsetting you?

toodleloooo · 20/01/2021 08:30

Could he be persuaded to wear headphones after a certain time? Then no bother to either you or your neighbour.

Morgan12 · 20/01/2021 08:30

Why won't he just set a timer? I take his penis is stopping him? So sick of hearing of men who can't do simple tasks.

Original poster

SummerBlondey · 20/01/2021 08:31

Lawnfever I tend to wake up naturally at about 2am, usually for a wee (tmi). When he isn't in bed, I know that he'll be downstairs with TV on, so I know that I had better turn it off, as it isn't fair on the neighbour. Sometimes TV will be quiet, other times quite loud, and I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully not knowing either way. My hearing isn't the best, so I can't tell from the bedroom how loud it is.

OP posts:

AubergineIsMyFavourite · 20/01/2021 08:31

YANBU at all. This would infuriate me. As you say he can use the timer function. Is there any way you can set the timer before you go to bed so it just automatically switches the television off? And maybe use a small table lamp so the light doesn’t disturb you either?

Of course people don’t have to go to bed at the same time as others in their household but they do need to be aware of the impact on others who need to sleep including neighbours.

What does your DH say about this? Can he see the issue?

Original poster

SummerBlondey · 20/01/2021 08:34

Re timer, I do ask him to be sure to set it, but he mostly forgets. This morning (at 4.30am), he said that he had set the timer, but given that TV was on at 1.30am, that can't be true. I'm 51 years old and feel like I've regressed to when the kids were small!

Sometimes he is remorseful (yesterday morning), other times he isn't (430am this morning).

OP posts:

rawlikesushi · 20/01/2021 08:35

What a selfish man. No thought for you or your neighbours, as it could all be resolved by a simple timer that takes seconds to set. I think you get him to set the timer before you go to bed, or ask him to come to bed at the same time as you. Mind you, having written that, you're not his bloody mum are you! Jesus, how depressing.

Original poster

SummerBlondey · 20/01/2021 08:36

This has been happening for quite some time. I just want to be able to go to bed and stay there until my alarm goes off! I find that getting on a dressing gown, and traipsing downstairs and back completely wakes me up!

OP posts:

EnterFunnyNameHere · 20/01/2021 08:39

I think I'd probably be saying if he falls asleep on the sofa he stays there - he isn't allowed to come trolling up at God knows when and wake you up.

're timer - maybe just get a socket timer which turns off the tv at a set time each night? We have that anyway partly for standby power saving, partly as if we are still up when it clicks off we should probably go to bed!

Newfor2021 · 20/01/2021 08:44

I rarely get angry.... but have discovered I get sleep rage! OMG someone who messes with my sleep, I just lose it.
So on that basis I’d LTB but that’s not really what you were asking!
Yes, he’s being very selfish and I would have a serious discussion about it and say it was really affecting me, my mental health and lack of sleep meant I was struggling with this behaviour.
And if he didn’t do something about it then, I’d know I had a selfish, self centred prick who cared more about himself than anyone else and I would LTB

AlwaysLatte · 20/01/2021 08:45

It is selfish. If we want to watch anything at night we watch it on our iPads with headphones so we don't disturb the other.

blanketyblankpen · 20/01/2021 08:53

YANBU, that would annoy me even if it happened accidentally on the odd occasion. The fact that he knows he falls asleep and refuses to do anything about it make it 100 times worse. Does he not have an iPad or laptop he can use with headphones? And better still a spare room that he can go to and watch it in bed so he doesn't disturb you?

blanketyblankpen · 20/01/2021 08:55

Maybe you could set the timer each night since he's so useless (you shouldn't have to do this but needs must) and leave a sleeping bag downstairs and ban him from coming up after midnight.

Original poster

SummerBlondey · 20/01/2021 09:01

I will try setting the timer myself. Thing is, sometimes he's still wanting to stay up when timer switches TV off, so he just turns it back on again. Aargh! 9am and he is still in bed (he's on annual leave). So tempted to go into the bedroom with a pan and spoon!!

OP posts:

Original poster

SummerBlondey · 20/01/2021 09:02

We did have a guest bedroom, but DD has now taken this over as a study, as she is a Teacher working from home.

OP posts:

malmi · 20/01/2021 09:03

Is it a smart TV with an app you can use to turn it off from the bedroom? Not ideal as you are still effectively taking responsibility for ensuring the TV is off. Alternatively you could use one of those plug-through timers to ensure the TV gets its power cut from midnight until the morning.

Indecisive12 · 20/01/2021 09:06

Why can’t he just turn the tv off and have a regular time to go upstairs to bed? I would not be happy with your situation, it’s unfair on you and unfair on your neighbour.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/01/2021 09:08

Yup, this would infuriate me enough that it's actually a deal breaker. I'd rather be single.

MerryDecembermas · 20/01/2021 09:09

It's not your job to turn off tv for DH he's an adult, the neighbour can be cross with him not you!

Move the TV to a different wall or have your DH set up his own bedroom with a TV in if that's how he wants to fall asleep.

In any case not your issue to fix

Affor · 20/01/2021 09:31

If you're waking up for a wee, and not because of the TV, would it still take you 1hour to get back to sleep if you didn't go down? Or is it the act of having to go down and turn it off that wakes you up fully?

If the former, then that's not his fault, though the 4:30 am one is
If the latter then just leave it, make it his issue not yours.

Positivevibesonlyplease · 20/01/2021 09:31

He sounds very thoughtless. Can you set the time to go off at, say 11 each night? I would be v peeved with him TBH.

Bubbles1st · 20/01/2021 09:32

Then you set the timer before you go to bed. That's what I used to do with my fella who always said he won't fall asleep. That is just watching tv in bed but even leaving over for the remote used to annoy me.

What's the longest timer on it, just put that on when you go

Flip

1 2 3