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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this irritating?

61 replies

SummerBlondey · 20/01/2021 08:23

We live in a terraced house. One neighbour seems to hear our TV through the walls : this can be a problem late at night (obvs).

Several times a week, I will go to bed at around 10pm, and my DH will stay up a bit longer. I repeatedly ask him to use the timer function (which would turn the TV off at a set time), but he almost always forgets. Then he falls asleep until the early hours with the TV on. This means that I wake at around 2am, realise he's not in bed, then have to come downstairs and turn everything off (in case neighbours can hear). It then takes me 1 hour + to get back to sleep. Then, when he does come to bed at around 4am, he wakes me again, and again I take 1 hour + to get back to sleep.

Last night :

I go to bed at 10am
I wake at 1.30am - he is asleep on sofa - I come down to switch TV and lights off.
I don't get back to sleep until around 3am.
4.30am - I'm woken by him coming to bed
6am - I'm up for work

How would you feel about this?

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 20/01/2021 09:43

I agree that you shouldn't have to police this for another adult. It's infantilising.

His claiming he will do so thing and then not doing it would infuriate me.

If it doesn't disturb your sleep, I'd just ignore.

If it disturbs the neighbours, he needs to get himself headphones. Or turn it off earlier.

Chloemol · 20/01/2021 09:48

I would wake him up when you turn the tv off and he comes to bed then

Or you set up a sofa bed in the bedroom your dd uses ( or she sets something up in her room for work and you get the guest room back)

samanthawashington · 20/01/2021 10:04

You can get a timer that the tv plugs into and this automatically turns it off, or get an Alex (echo dot) and a plug and set Alexa up to turn the tv off every night at a certain time. Your husband is an annoying dick

gutful · 20/01/2021 10:09

I think you’re making life hard for yourself. TVs are allowed to be on throughout the night. Have your neighbours even complained about the noise of the TV?

Why can’t you just do your wee & go back to bed? Let him wake up on the couch! Coming down to turn everything off & getting him settled into bed seems like a waste of your time.

It sounds like he enjoys the sound of falling asleep with the tv on. I live alone & will have a tv or podcast to go to sleep. So can’t he watch/listen to something on his Phone with headphones on in bed instead?

That to me would be the simplest solution because he clearly enjoys falling asleep to the sounds of a program & don’t blame him !

2020iscancelled · 20/01/2021 10:14

Yep this is ridiculous.

Honestly I’d be taking the remote up with me, you’ve tried asking, you’ve tried reminding him, you’ve tried pleading, you’ve been a martyr. Take the remote and tell him to read a book.

Or make him set the timer whilst you are stood there watching before you go up. If he wants to act like an incapable moron then you have to treat him like one

NoWordForFluffy · 20/01/2021 10:21

@arethereanyleftatall

Yup, this would infuriate me enough that it's actually a deal breaker. I'd rather be single.
Me too. Fuck that shit.
SnuggyBuggy · 20/01/2021 10:25

I wouldn't let him back into bed. Surely he's a grown man who should be able to turn off a TV and sort himself out?

HighSpecWhistle · 20/01/2021 10:28

I'd be very angry at him. Can you set it before you go up?

Hotzenplotz · 20/01/2021 10:31

YANBU.

Purchase a soundproof shed. Lock DH in it overnight with the tv. Peace for you, tv for him.

Original poster
SummerBlondey · 20/01/2021 10:38

Yes, neighbour has complained multiple times about the TV - although not lately for some reason. She is lovely thankfully and we have not fallen out or anything.

PP suggested I give him a sleeping bag, and if he wakes after a certain time, then the new rule is that he sleeps the whole night on sofa - I think this is a good idea! He didn't look too chuffed what that idea, but I'm going to do it anyway!

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who is miffed with this!!

OP posts:
gutful · 20/01/2021 10:56

But why are you still pandering to him by giving him a sleeping bag? I don’t get why you need to do anything else here other than switch the tv off after your wee & go back to bed.

Also have you considered cutting back on liquids after a certain hour so you don’t need to wee at 2am every night? It must be frustrating to wake up every night to use the toilet at the same time!

I’d work on my own sleeping patterns so as to prevent me waking up in the first place.

birdling · 20/01/2021 11:03

Use a time clock that plugs into the wall socket. It will automatically turn off the tv at whatever time you have set, without needing to be reactivated every day.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/01/2021 11:15

Tell him to stay on the couch if he's not coming to bed at a some what normal time. I'm not one for telling adults when to go to bed but every single night walking you at that time is ridiculous

AubergineIsMyFavourite · 20/01/2021 11:16

I’m pissed off for you OP. This has happened in our house a couple of times (at weekends though not working days) and I have been frustrated enough then. I’d be really pissed off if it was a regular occurrence. This is exactly why married couples need separate houses with an adjoining door. Or just separate houses 😀

kennelmaid · 20/01/2021 11:22

Why do you think your neighbour can hear your tv through the walls? Have they complained, can you hear theirs? You might be worrying about nothing.

Grenlei · 20/01/2021 11:25

@gutful

I think you’re making life hard for yourself. TVs are allowed to be on throughout the night. Have your neighbours even complained about the noise of the TV?

Why can’t you just do your wee & go back to bed? Let him wake up on the couch! Coming down to turn everything off & getting him settled into bed seems like a waste of your time.

It sounds like he enjoys the sound of falling asleep with the tv on. I live alone & will have a tv or podcast to go to sleep. So can’t he watch/listen to something on his Phone with headphones on in bed instead?

That to me would be the simplest solution because he clearly enjoys falling asleep to the sounds of a program & don’t blame him !

^^ completely agree with this. Just leave him to it, and if neighbour complains refer them to him.
NoWordForFluffy · 20/01/2021 11:26

@kennelmaid, the OP confirms they've complained in her post at 10.38.

MustardMitt · 20/01/2021 11:33

I agree - he doesn’t come upstairs after a certain time as he’ll wake you.

I wouldn’t go down and turn off the tv - I’d leave it, and direct neighbour to DH if they complain again. Literally I would open the door and call him over to explain to the neighbour why the tv is on so late and so loud.

So selfish.

trevorandsimon · 20/01/2021 12:32

I'd wake him up at 6am when I got up every single time he forgot. See how many times he forgets to set it after a few wake ups

MrsSmith2021 · 20/01/2021 12:36

Just put the timer on yourself?

Jobsharenightmare · 20/01/2021 12:42

To me this suggests you are quite disconnected from each other if you genuinely mean you never go to bed together. Where is the opportunity for the pillow talk, connection, sex in the evenings or mornings? Obviously you can do those connecting conversations outside of bed but are you? I'd be worried about the state of my relationship that this is highlighting.

MrsSmith2021 · 20/01/2021 13:49

@Jobsharenightmare are you for real? There is more to a relationship that going to bed together. I’ve been married 15 years and we rarely go to bed at the same time. I need more sleep than my DH and he likes to stay up late and watch movies. Our relationship is just fine. We have sex when we feel like it, because that’s how it works. We don’t have seen just because we are in bed together. We talk on the sofa, at the dining table, at various points throughout the day.

She’s asking about a specific point of the tv, not questioning her entire relationship.

Jobsharenightmare · 20/01/2021 13:51

Hi MrsSmith

We talk on the sofa, at the dining table, at various points throughout the day.

That's great, but I was wondering if the OP has some broader issues here, it doesn't sound like her DH is as great at communication as yours.

MrsSmith2021 · 20/01/2021 13:57

@Jobsharenightmare have just read all of the OPs posts and definitely no request tk comment on the wider scope of their relationship. People on MN are so quick to jump to ‘leave him, he’s shit’. If your friend asked you what to do about a tv timer, would you be so forthcoming with your ‘advice’?

SlippersForFlippers · 20/01/2021 13:59

Get a timer plug so it switches off at the same time every day. Or a smart plug so you can turn it off from your phone upstairs.

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