ExH address

[Iris3456]

In our child arrangement order it clearly states we need to disclose our home address or any other address the children stay overnight. Ex has just moved into his new house following the divorce, he has the kids this weekend but is refusing to give me the address!

Probably because it will highlight him lying on the financial order. But the truth will out eventually anyway.

What do you do with a breach of order?

Should I care where they are? They will be safe but of course I like to know where my kids are.

And of course it would be interesting to see where he is after crying poor in court too.

But the whole thing makes me very uneasy.

Personally, it if says he must disclose, I wouldn't let them go. He is breaking the order

And yes you should care where they are

Have you reminded him its in the order?

Oh he will know its in the order. I don't know if he's just doing another power play as he's due to pick up from school and leaving it to the last minute as I emailed him for a polite reminder to disclose.

I just don't know what to do if he doesn't. Call cafcass? The solicitor? Turn up at the school? Seems ott but so unnecessary for him to be such a toad about it.

Surely, if you let him off with one thing in the order it's the start of a slippery slope with everything else in there?

Technically, it's in the order so you have every right to escalate the issue.
It also means that, if at any time you need/want to do anything differently to the orders, he'd likely refuse you.

Personally, I don't think it is necessary that you know his address. I'd be more concerned with making sure he knows that you must be able to contact him at any time you need to. You know they are safe and that's the main issue.

@Hellohah very true. I just hate all interactions with him. He's so unreasonable.

Turn up at the school and make sure the children come home with you. If he tries to start an argument just try to get them away. If he gets physical most bystanders will side with the woman so you'd probably be ok.

You have the power to withhold access. His only recourse is to take you to court, and the fact you have evidence of him refusing to tell you the address will weigh heavily against him.

@contrmary this is what I'm worried about causing a scene at the school the children will witness. That isn't fair on them. It will not get physical but I'd rather go to him and say, if you don't comply with the order I will go through these official channels. I'm not sure what they are. Cafcass (who I personally think are terrible anyway based on experience) website next to useless. Solicitor will want ££ to pick up the phone I expect.

I’d give him a deadline to send the address by, say 1pm.
If I’d not heard from him by then I’d rung the school and let them know I’d be picking the children up an hour earlier.
Then collect the children and let him know that due to him refusing to provide his address he’s broken the court order and won’t be allowed access until it’s provided.

I would put everything in writing and refuse any phone calls or face to face discussion.
(People like this generally thrive off drama and won’t like strong clear boundaries you refuse to budge on, or even discuss - there’s nothing to discuss!)

If he turns up at the house call the police if he refuses to go.

Official channels would be letting the judge know he’s refusing to comply with the order do they can summons him back.

Could you email and ask him to give the address or confirm he is withholding it by x date so you can inform the court if necessary?

Gosh he sounds so unreasonable. Sorry Op.

I had similar with my exh. I did as the poster above suggested, turned up to school half an hour early and picked up the kids. He was raging when he found out - he still refused to give the address - that was 4 years ago. We muddled along for a while but they now haven’t seen him for 3 years. Sad but it was ultimately down to him!

@EggBobbin the judge that signed the order do you mean? Are you able to contact them direct?

I will send another email to that effect the day before. Just all so unnecessary!

@Justanother123 so he'd rather not see the kids than give you his address?? Wtf. Why did he with hold?

@Iris3456 You’d contact the court not the judge, probably worth a call to your solicitor. They might suggest you propose an amendment to the order but I’d be reluctant to withhold contact (and breach it yourself) unless you feel there’s genuine risk. You’ll look better in court if you’ve respected it.

I would get in touch with the courts if he isn’t complying, just so they know what is going on. So when you do stop the children going, if he doesn’t provide the address they will know beforehand.

It is definitely important that you know where your children are staying. He is also in breach if he doesn’t provide it. As a previous poster said ask again with a deadline prior to him picking them up and if you don’t receive it pick the children up early.

It is hard when a non resident parent doesn’t work together, but don’t let this slide as it will be a slippery slope. If he is already trying to be non compliant.

Hope it goes well OP, I had a few years of litigation in the family courts and nipped all this in the bud as soon as it started.

@EggBobbin thank you. Yes I agree. It's not a good idea to restrict access as there are not safeguarding worries. So that leaves him with breaching the order. Such a game of cat and mouse that a simple, respectful email reply would solve.

@OWU4U so the court that issued the order? Sorry you had to deal with this too. So stressful.

Call your solicitor for advice.

It was just part of the control - in the end the address issue was nothing to do with why he stopped seeing them. There was an argument between him and my eldest and the kids didn’t want to go again. Of course he blamed them!

How old are the kids? I'd be tempted to give them a phone with life 360 on it. You'll be able to see where they are.

Collect the children early. He will not be there and your children will not see any upset.

I don't have anything useful to add but to the poster who thinks it's not necessary to know where your children are / are spending the night - are you quite mad?!

Leaving aside all the practical day-to-day reasons around planning their lives, and letting the school know addresses they are living at etc. what happens if there's a problem - say, something happens to their dad while they're there - and they don't turn up at school/nursery or back home when they should? How do you check on them or ask the authorities to check everything is OK?

Or if they are old enough to call you in such an emergency but are too young to be able to remember and give you an address?

Or if they are old enough to know the address themselves, are you expecting that the children are to be named from telling their mother and to keep it a secret from her?

Ridiculous.

Whatever the correct official way of going about this, I would be living up a huge fuss about this breach of the order, and if it shows that he lied about his finances in the settlement, I'd be pursuing that too.

@PracticallyPerfectInZeroWays no they are not old enough to tell me or get in touch with me. I've done so well not involving them with anything (my Oscarfor my performance is on the way) and I'm being pushed.

It will be so simple to resolve.