Following on from "do you believe in evil" thread - do you believe in gut feelings?

[biscoffandpeanuts]

Following on from the "do you believe in evil" thread. This is my experience, however it's more to do with gut intuitions -

I don't know if I would describe this man as 'evil' but something inside of me didn't feel right whenever I was with him. It was something about his eyes and his general manner, I had a strong, bad gut intuition about him and I'm still not sure to this day whether it was just paranoia of if there was something more to it.

It was around 2 years ago, I met him on a dating site and we dated for around 2 months. Nothing he did or said in particular raised alarm bells but it was just this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right with him, but I didn't know what it was.

He was nice, we had loads in common, and I was very, very attracted to him, we had immense chemistry but there was just a constant knot in my stomach (not a good one at all, like a sense of impending doom) the full two months I was with him.

I finished it one day as the previous night he has been over for some dinner and we were watching a film. He'd never met my DD but he would come over once she was in bed and leave late at night. This particular night it was about 1 in the morning and we were lying on the sofa and he said I just need to use the toilet (which was upstairs where my little girl was). I thought nothing of it, and then he was about half way up the stairs and I felt this drop in my stomach. And this overwhelming sense of dread and voice saying don't let him up there alone with your DD. So I bolted up after him said I was checking on DD, waited till he went back downstairs and made my excuses then broke up with him over text the next day.

He accepted it and went away quietly so never any issues. But I have never ever had that experience and will probably never figure out what happened. Now when I think of him I get shudders. Very bizarre indeed.

AIBU to think this was my gut instinct keeping me and my daughter safe?

Think whatever you like, why would you be unreasonable?

@Lockheart where would you have preferred I post this?

Chat? The woo / spiritual bits? It's not an AIBU.

I knew in my gut me and my husband were going to get together. I only saw a photo of him (on Facebook) and just knew, like a gut voice that said 'we're going to get together'. I even had a secondary, more sensible voice kick in that said he probably wouldn't be interested but hey... He was and we are married with a son now.

I had a similar reaction the day we had a death in the family. I knew in my gut who it was when I saw my mum's face that day. Again the secondary voice kicked in and said, no, it's probably an older relative but my gut turned out to be right.

I wish it would happen again but sadly only those two times so far!

I had a weird experience when I met a work colleague for the first time and I 'knew' her boyfriend had died in a motorcycle accident when she was a teenager (she was in her late fifties). It was like I had met her before and was remembering her telling me. Somehow, I just knew.

Once I knew her better, I asked her and it was true. She was really scared because no one at work knew this about her (why would they?) so there's no way I had been told and there was nothing about it on her social media. Her kids didn't know (why would they?) so she couldn't fathom where I got the information from. I couldn't help her with any explanation because I didn't know how I knew either.

Hasn't happened to me before or since and am quite pleased about it.

Definitely.

Yanbu.

Apparantly there is a significant connection between the gut and the brain, fairly recently discovered - but goes to explain that gut feelings, as well as why we have stomach issues when nervous etc.

I believe in gut feelings, they are the primitive part of our brain that alerts us to possible danger and has kept humans safe for our entire existence. I think people often ignore it as silliness or continue with the situation out of politeness, we have become so evolved we ignore the very thing that has allowed us to reach this point.

@Lockheart

Who rattled your cage? It's a perfectly reasonable and interesting topic. The OP presumably wants to know if such feelings have any credence or is based on scientific evidence or sources.

Following gut instinct alone is a recipe for disaster but I have anxiety and PTSD so my gut instinct is a bit skewed however gut instinct in combination with rational thinking, sort of like a heart and head approach, is a useful tool. I think sometimes we pick up on subtle indicators that we're not entirely aware of a conscious level and that it is these indicators that create that "gut feeling", things like ultra-fine social cues and behaviour patterns that don't quite add up.

[quote SiousieSoo]@Lockheart

Who rattled your cage? It's a perfectly reasonable and interesting topic. The OP presumably wants to know if such feelings have any credence or is based on scientific evidence or sources. [/quote]
It is a perfectly reasonable and interesting topic.

It's just not an AIBU.

I don’t think it was some unusual instinct, I think you suddenly realised that a man you still barely knew at this point was between you and a sleeping small child you (rightly) hadn’t yet let him meet. Basically, your normal protective instincts as a parent had been blunted by attraction, but they suddenly kicked back in.

Nothing he did or said in particular raised alarm bells but it was just this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right with him, but I didn't know what it was

I believe there will have been something just something you couldn't quite put your finger on. I've met people and instantly felt that gut punch oh my god I want to get away from them feeling. While it was instant and I suppose didn't make sense in the moment, I believe it must have been based on some micro expression / movement / tone etc my subconscious picked up on, as I don't believe in much woo stuff. But whatever / however people potentially escape danger doesn't matter I suppose - better to be safe than sorry!

He'd never met my DD but he would come over once she was in bed and leave late at night. This particular night it was about 1 in the morning and we were lying on the sofa and he said I just need to use the toilet (which was upstairs where my little girl was). I thought nothing of it, and then he was about half way up the stairs and I felt this drop in my stomach.

I think if I had a daughter then I would have that feeling no matter which relative stranger / someone who didn't know my daughter was going up the stairs nearer to where they were. Because if she had stirred / seen him etc then it would have been so very confusing for her. It doesn't surprise me that you would get that aaargh feeling in that situation.

I don’t think it was some unusual instinct

There's nothing unusual about gut instinct.

Our gut is like a secondary brain, and that's the case for every human being. Gut instinct is real and becoming more understood. And is one of the mechanisms that we have to keep us safe.

I dont believe it in a woo way, but I do think we unconsciously pick up on signals. From an evolutionary stand point it would make sense to have a danger instinct.

@ShetlandWife

I don’t think it was some unusual instinct

There's nothing unusual about gut instinct.

Our gut is like a secondary brain, and that's the case for every human being. Gut instinct is real and becoming more understood. And is one of the mechanisms that we have to keep us safe.

What I’m saying is that it wasn’t a ‘gut instinct’ at all, it was a common sense realisation that a virtual stranger was heading upstairs towards a sleeping small child.

If you really want to break down the science of behaviour Sapolskis lectures are very good!

@Lockheart

Why though? Is there an agreed criteria for what can be posted in AIBU? I've seen so many less probing posts, this one will trigger informative and insightful responses, so I don't understand the objection really...

Sorry, I realise my post is very insensitive. I wish I could delete it!

What I’m saying is that it wasn’t a ‘gut instinct’ at all, it was a common sense realisation that a virtual stranger was heading upstairs towards a sleeping small child

I understood that. I was just correcting the wrong assumption you made.

I cat comment on whether it was a common sense 'head' realisation, or a bit instinct, as I'm not the op.

It could be either or a combination of both. Sometimes the gut reacts then the brain catches up.

Fwiw @SiousieSoo, I fully agree with you re Lockhart, and nearly posted something similar earlier.

This is more woo than gut.
Following on from the evil thread.

The night my dd died I was in bed when I heard her come up the stairs. She always went upstairs 2 at a time.
She came into the bedroom and sat on the bed (I felt the weight of her sitting down). She told me I know what you're having I was 7 months pregnant.
I can remember getting up and looking for her I thought she had gone back out.
The next morning I told DH she had been in the house during the night.
I tried to phone her and didn't get an answer. I was getting ready to go to her flat when the police came to our house.
In my statement when I was interviewed I was adamant she had been in the house. It wasn't until they looked at CCTV they told me it wasn't possible. I still wouldn't believe it until I saw the footage myself.
I still don't understand what happened that night it didn't feel like a dream it felt real because first thing in the morning she was on my mind and I wanted to talk to her.

I did!

To make a long story short, when I had just turned 18, an old middle school teacher who I maintained contact with invited me over for dinner, saying I wasn't a student anymore so why not be friends, sort of thing.

I felt sooo flattered so went along.

I got there and things started fine. He offered me wine- ohhhh how grown up, I thought, this must be what grown ups so. Then he cooked a very romantic sort of dinner; candles, fancy cutlery and crockery, etc.

Started saying things like "you're so beautiful and you don't know it".

Wanted to get high and cast my ruins. He got high and I took a few puffs. My gut was screaming at me to get out of there or he was going to rape me. He kept asking me "you're 18 now right? God how did you become an adult" and I just thought why is he asking me this?

Anyway the bathroom was near the front door so I went to the loo, stayed in a while, pretended not to feel well when I came out, and told him really calmly I had to go whilst simultaneously using my phone to call a cab. He kept saying I could lay down there, he could drive me once he had sobered up, etc. I then pretended to stay on the phone with the cab company for a few minutes on hold and then said "oh the car is downstairs" and basically ran out.

Years later, I was living in Brighton, and got a call at 3am, from the police in the local town where I had grown up in Canada. They had hear I might have had involvement in with him. I explained we used to exchange emails and that he invited me for dinner, said I felt something was odd, and bolted. She asked me so many detailed questions. I was shocked how much I remembered. The cop basically said she couldn't give me details at that time but in her opinion I narrowly avoided a very dangerous situation.

He is in prison now serving time for sexual assault and rape, including of minors.

@ParkheadParadise have you watched the Netflix series, surviving death?

I absolutely believe you experienced that. Other people have had very similar experiences.

I truly hope that it gives you comfort.