Following on from "do you believe in evil" thread - do you believe in gut feelings?

[biscoffandpeanuts]

Following on from the "do you believe in evil" thread. This is my experience, however it's more to do with gut intuitions -

I don't know if I would describe this man as 'evil' but something inside of me didn't feel right whenever I was with him. It was something about his eyes and his general manner, I had a strong, bad gut intuition about him and I'm still not sure to this day whether it was just paranoia of if there was something more to it.

It was around 2 years ago, I met him on a dating site and we dated for around 2 months. Nothing he did or said in particular raised alarm bells but it was just this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right with him, but I didn't know what it was.

He was nice, we had loads in common, and I was very, very attracted to him, we had immense chemistry but there was just a constant knot in my stomach (not a good one at all, like a sense of impending doom) the full two months I was with him.

I finished it one day as the previous night he has been over for some dinner and we were watching a film. He'd never met my DD but he would come over once she was in bed and leave late at night. This particular night it was about 1 in the morning and we were lying on the sofa and he said I just need to use the toilet (which was upstairs where my little girl was). I thought nothing of it, and then he was about half way up the stairs and I felt this drop in my stomach. And this overwhelming sense of dread and voice saying don't let him up there alone with your DD. So I bolted up after him said I was checking on DD, waited till he went back downstairs and made my excuses then broke up with him over text the next day.

He accepted it and went away quietly so never any issues. But I have never ever had that experience and will probably never figure out what happened. Now when I think of him I get shudders. Very bizarre indeed.

AIBU to think this was my gut instinct keeping me and my daughter safe?

@ParkheadParadise very sorry for your loss, I couldn't imagine. So sorry

100% yes gut feeling is a thing. The gut is also known as the second brain. The real question is who is aware of their gut instinct.

@JeezyPeeps
No, I haven't watched it.

Thank you for believing me. My family including DH didn't and still don't believe that happened. They all think I was dreaming. I've never had a dream like that before it felt so real I could clearly see her and had a conversation with her.
At the time I was devastated when the police showed me the CCTV because I believed 100% she was in the house.

If you get the chance to, it might be worth watching - and maybe encouraging your DH to as well.

There's a lot that science can't (yet) explain. But as time goes on, science explains more and more things that people regards as 'woo'. Gut instinct being a good example of that.

I don't know if science will ever explain incidents like yours, but you are not the only person that has experienced things like that.

Yes there is so much we pick up on they we don’t consciously register

Ive has this a few times at work I work with ex offenders. Nothing in there presentation has been obvious, they are not being hostile but something is off usually someone else will experience this too (sometimes others do but I don’t) often it’s repressed anger, sometimes a slight decline in their mh

I’ve had this in my personal life too some people have just made me feel very uncomfortable, some men I know I don’t want to be alone with and others I’ve known are bad news but I’m attracted to them and have ignored that (nothing serious more they are just players)

I was taught that when you are confused in this way think what is the word that comes to you when you think of that person - this can help when you are confused by a situation but something doesn’t feel right. If it’s danger for example trust in that sometimes we have to trust ourselves a bit more and not look to justify our feelings

I believe you ParkheadParadise I believe we have such a strong attachment to our children that sometimes what can’t be logically explained is experienced.

I do think we can subconsciously pick up on mannerisms and behaviours that we couldn't pinpoint consciously. And those mannerisms and behaviours can make us uneasy. And I do think it's a good idea to at least pay attention to those feelings. But I think it's probably more often wrong than right. In particular those "gut feelings" play into our prejudices more than our conscious mind does, though they also ignore social niceties more.

It's easy for confirmation bias to skew people's view on this. Only really remembering the times that the feeling is found to be likely correct and forgetting about the times they felt that way but everything was actually fine.

I think what we call 'gut feelinh' is actually us picking up non verbal clues, body language gives a lot away. It's very subtle, we don't even notice it on a conscious level but it's enough for our brain to go hey, something's not right here, possible danger.

Obviously though, possible danger is not certain danger so our 'gut feeling' can also come to nothing.

I've had similar experiences about death in particular my dads, every time my mum rang in the 6 weeks before my dad's death I thought she was going to be calling about him being dead. He wasn't in bad health outwardly (had a heart attack) but I just knew, when he actualy died and I got the call it was like a dark death cloud had been blown away.exaxtly the same with my miscarage, from the moment I saw the blue cross on the pregnancy test I knew it wasn't going to be a happy ending, horrible as you can't realy say things like that aloud as it would be 'tempting fate'

I believe in "gut feeling", but I don't thinks it's as innate as people think.

It's developed by experience, picking up on nonverbal cues, stereotype and prejudice, personal morals and ideologies, amongst other things.

Whilst many people we have a gut feeling about that turns out to be correct, we probably also have got feelings that are incorrect.

Probably also an element of confirmation bias in it as well, in that we are more likely to notice odd, socially unacceptable or rude behaviour from those we are suspicious about already.

Basically I don't think it's a woo thing.

You are only going to get 'ooh yes, believe your gut before anything rational' on here. It's pretty much the substitute for religion on MN.

Confirmation Bias is a thing.

When I was young I moved abroad for a while. I’d met some new friends and been out on the town had a few drinks and was just very happy for the first time in ages. I got a cab home and he dropped me on the corner of my street and I was walking to my apartment when I saw two guys walking towards me. Didn’t think much of it, turned in to my building and they were suddenly behind me.

I naively thought they also lived in my building (it was full of poor young arty types) and I wasn’t concentrating and frankly stupid, I let them in behind me.

It was only when I got to the lift and was waiting for it, I suddenly went cold, sheer terror kicked in and my gut screamed ‘they don’t live here’ and they were stood either side behind me. As the lift door opened, I suddenly threw myself left and ran to the stairs. They realised I’d sussed them and they ran out the front door.

I don’t know whether they were going to rob me or rape me. But I have never been so stupid again, and I’m always aware of my surroundings now. Always follow your gut!

@Lockheart

Chat? The woo / spiritual bits? It's not an AIBU.

YABU for commenting

I do believe in gut feelings and three being something in them at times, have certainly had it myself.

However as a pp said I also work with clients with anxiety and PTSD, and if they listened their 'gut feelings' about threat and danger every time they felt it then they would never get better.

Trauma heightens sensitivity in the thread system so people feel threat/hostility/danger when there is none.

*threat system

I’m a distance runner and I do a lot of my training runs after dark and on fairly remote parts of the Thames path, through quiet parks etc. There have been several occasions where I’ve been running along and then seen a man in a hoodie walk out of bushes slightly ahead of me looking shifty, or lurking in a shadowy part of the path and I’ve had an instant “feeling” about them and prepared myself for something to happen. But he’s ignored me, and nothing has happened, and there haven’t been any reports the day after that somebody else was attacked. Was I lucky? Or was my gut instinct simply wrong?

I suspect we just mostly tend to remember the occasional instances where we had a response to somebody or something based on our experience or bias and the response turned it to be correct, and then call this “gut instinct”; and discard all the times we had that same response and nothing happened.

[quote YNK]If you really want to break down the science of behaviour Sapolskis lectures are very good!

[/quote] This is fascinating. Thanks for sharing!

I also don't think its a woo thing. I think that some people are more intuitive than others and pick up non verbal clues, atmospheres, body language etc than others. I often have "gut feelings" about people or situations and am rarely wrong. Other members of my family are the same. I have friends that don't pick up the strongest of clues or even red flags waving in their face.

Was in a partners home country on a road trip.
Stopped at garage in middle of nowhere at night,horrible weather,howling gale force winds

Just inside the doors was a homeless looking man begging with a cup(in the middle of nowhere) but had lots of gold jewellery on,it didn't look right. He made eye contact with me and smiled,I smiled slightly, back.

Partner and I spent about 15 mins in there,got our things and were heading back out.
Homeless man was gone.

I was looking at my phone for a minute and hadn't noticed partner talking to another man...as we continued walking out the door partner informs me guys car has broken down and needs jump leads or help.
I looked at the guy and instantly felt dread,something about his face.

The wind was howling... and I could hardly keep myself upright as we walked back to the car.
I kept asking where was the mans car but he just kept walking with us.
When we got to the car.. guy was standing at the back door with his hand on handle ready for partner to unlock the car.
The way he was looking in the back seat at bags of things we had bought..and the way he was looking back at me watching him...my gut just told me somthing was wrong.

He told partner,in their language, that his car was just on the road a few hundred meters from the garage.
Partner unlocked front doors and was halfway in the car to unlock the back door for guy...I got in the passenger side and started frantically begging partner not to let him in..I was almost crying.

Partner thought I was a fucking looper. I kept repeating 'I don't like him.. I dont like him.. please tell him no. Just get in car and go'' partner told the man awkwardly ''my girlfriend says no..I'm sorry'' and just locked the doors.
The guy was standing at my window and looked dead in my eyes with a face as if to say ''you stupid fucking bitch'' . So we drive off, I was crying,partner hadn't a fucking clue what had just happened and maybe a mile down the motorway was a scary looking caravan..like somthing from a horror film.
After a bit of googling the rest of the journey that night,turns out it was a know scam.. the 'homeless guy' would have been close by and would have been the one to 'mark us' when we walked in ..then he disappears back to the caravan and the car guy then stalls us by talking...asking us to give him a lift to the side of the road where they would have robbed us and god knows what else.

Thank fuck for whatever happened in my gut and mind that night. I still sweat thinking about what might had been if it was left up to dp .

A known scam*

Might have been* ffs

I do think It’s important to listen to instinct BUT if you are inclined towards impulsiveness or anxiety then you have to weight it against that -

With my ex-DP. I somehow knew to really weird and specific detail when/how/with whom he had been with behind my back. There were many many OW, and somehow I would randomly KNOW one day- he has sent X a dick pic today. It was so fucking weird. Weeks would pass and nothing, and of course hw gaslighted me and said I was nuts etc... But I later got the proof that I had always been spookily accurate, and had guessed every time there had been contact. EVERY TIME. Weirdest thing and strangely comforting.

An opposite one:
I have a route I run on. It's only a short one (I don't go far) and last week I went out as normal, and got about 3/4 of the way when I suddenly felt I had to get home urgently.
Don't often have feelings like that, but I turned round and came straight back home the quickest way rather than my normal route. I nearly phoned to ask what had happened the feeling was so strong.

Nothing was wrong at home, no phone calls, nothing. Everything was calm and peaceful and they were just a bit surprised to see me home sooner than normal.

Give me a few weeks and I'll probably have forgotten that, and be happy to tell you of a time when I was right on gut instinct. At that point the feeling was so strong I came home, which I wouldn't normally act on an impulse.

[quote ParkheadParadise]**@JeezyPeeps
No, I haven't watched it.

Thank you for believing me. My family including DH didn't and still don't believe that happened. They all think I was dreaming. I've never had a dream like that before it felt so real I could clearly see her and had a conversation with her.
At the time I was devastated when the police showed me the CCTV because I believed 100% she was in the house.[/quote]
I am so sorry for you.
I absolutely believe you.