Following on from "do you believe in evil" thread - do you believe in gut feelings?

[biscoffandpeanuts]

Following on from the "do you believe in evil" thread. This is my experience, however it's more to do with gut intuitions -

I don't know if I would describe this man as 'evil' but something inside of me didn't feel right whenever I was with him. It was something about his eyes and his general manner, I had a strong, bad gut intuition about him and I'm still not sure to this day whether it was just paranoia of if there was something more to it.

It was around 2 years ago, I met him on a dating site and we dated for around 2 months. Nothing he did or said in particular raised alarm bells but it was just this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right with him, but I didn't know what it was.

He was nice, we had loads in common, and I was very, very attracted to him, we had immense chemistry but there was just a constant knot in my stomach (not a good one at all, like a sense of impending doom) the full two months I was with him.

I finished it one day as the previous night he has been over for some dinner and we were watching a film. He'd never met my DD but he would come over once she was in bed and leave late at night. This particular night it was about 1 in the morning and we were lying on the sofa and he said I just need to use the toilet (which was upstairs where my little girl was). I thought nothing of it, and then he was about half way up the stairs and I felt this drop in my stomach. And this overwhelming sense of dread and voice saying don't let him up there alone with your DD. So I bolted up after him said I was checking on DD, waited till he went back downstairs and made my excuses then broke up with him over text the next day.

He accepted it and went away quietly so never any issues. But I have never ever had that experience and will probably never figure out what happened. Now when I think of him I get shudders. Very bizarre indeed.

AIBU to think this was my gut instinct keeping me and my daughter safe?

I think we sense things we can’t put our finger on as part of a survival mechanism. Like animals
who can sense danger in advance you pick up things subconsciously. I live on a new build when we moved in our block was the last one to ge completed so there were several ‘shells’ and
No streetlights at all, It was pitch black at night. We moved in winter and one night as I was liked from the station I felt spooked. I dunno what it was and I had never felt like this before or since but something in my brain screamed at me ‘RUN GET HOME!’ I then bolted along the road and I don’t run ever run. I was shaking and crying when I got in the door but I never found out what spooked me out there!

There is a really good book related to this topic called the Gift of Fear
www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Yes I do. I didn't experience it properly until about 3 years ago, I live semi-rural and was walking my child in a pram along a well known walking / cycle route to the next town. Passed a few people and then there was one man just hovering around, walking slowly, can't explain it really but was just behaving strangely. He was coming towards me but from a distance and I actually turned and went back home. He walked behind me in the same direction until I left him in the distance as I walked so fast. He didn't do anything but I had the strangest feeling.

I actually brought out my phone, dialled 999 and just sat it on the pram ready to push the call button as I was so unnerved. Never had it again

[quote ParkheadParadise]**@JeezyPeeps
No, I haven't watched it.

Thank you for believing me. My family including DH didn't and still don't believe that happened. They all think I was dreaming. I've never had a dream like that before it felt so real I could clearly see her and had a conversation with her.
At the time I was devastated when the police showed me the CCTV because I believed 100% she was in the house.[/quote]
I believe you

I saw a group of lads at a tram stop looking a bit shifty. Because it was still daytime I told myself to just walk past them. One of them tried to block my path and asked what time it was. I marched on. I am utterly convinced I would have been mugged if I would have slowed down even a tiny bit.

When I drove past 5 minutes later one of them was using his phone.

I'm not a remotely woo person but I have had gut feelings, and they've definitely served me well. Most have kept me away from people who have turned out to be bad sorts.

My nicest guy instinct, however, was the moment I first saw DH. I just thought "I'm going to marry him". I also had a weird dream of him blowing me a kiss in a very specific place.

Obviously, we did get married, and he did blow me a kiss in that very specific place!

Instinct wise, maybe I could just subconsciously tell we'd click. He has such a kind face. Dream wise, probably coincidence, but it makes me smile!

*gut

@ Biffbaff I had something similar before I met my fiancé, I saw his name on an email I was copied into a work and just had the oddest feeling that something would happen with us. I was happily with another partner at the time and nothing happened for many years after that initial feeling, which I pushed to the back of my mind but I just ‘knew’. I’d never even laid eyes on him at that point. Weird

I was living in a foreign country and was out having a few drinks with my friends. One of them introduced me to a man who he had invited to drink with us. I went along with the polite introductions, then put as much space between myself and him as possible. I felt immediately uneasy.

I was stood at the other end of the bar when he started kicking off. It culminated with him pulling a random girl off a chair by her hair, punching and kicking her (and then her friend). They only looked at him in the wrong way.

It was a packed bar and it felt like an age before anyone tried to stop him. Lot's of blood. Totally unprovoked. I'm glad I listened to my gut instinct that night.

God, the amount of times I have had gut feelings and it’s been nothing.

One time I was begging my uni boyfriend not to drive back home because I was convinced he would crash. He was fine.
I has an absolutely terrible feeling about the new tenant upstairs, but he seems normal, although I would not want to be alone with him and feel the urge to barricade the door when I’m home alone 🤦‍♀️

The only time ever that I think was legit was one I’ve posted about before - my DP and I went on holiday to a cottage in Herefordshire. I am Very this type anyway, but I felt I was being watched the whole time. I felt on edge, couldn’t sleep, felt as though there was someone outside constantly monitoring us. The horrible part was DP felt it too, and he NEVER does. He couldn’t sleep either. We got back one evening and the gate was open after we had locked it. We left that night and I remember not feeling okay again until we were on the motorway.

It was probably nothing, but for DP to feel it too is very unusual.

I believe you too Parkhead

@Lockheart

Chat? The woo / spiritual bits? It's not an AIBU.

My gut feeling tells me Lockheart is a bit pedantic

I once had a gut feeling amounting to certainty that I was going to win a raffle, and I did. It was bizarre. I don't think the same thing has happened to me again, though.

Another recommendation here for the book 'The Gift of Fear' - some bits I wasn't sure about, but it was really interesting and made me think about situations.

Obviously confirmation bias comes into play here, but I think an example in the book of 'gut feelings' is when you're driving and you just KNOW someone's going to pull out in front of you/cut you up. The writer (can't remember his name now) said something like if your brain can process this information based on seeing a car in your peripheral vision for a few seconds, how much more information your brain has access to if you can see facial expression, body language and interact with someone in person. And how much and how fast our subconscious brain can process information without us consciously realising.

Obviously confirmation bias aside for all the times you think someone might cut you up and then don't!

I've posted this before but I got a creepy feeling about a student I worked with. Like a skin crawly nasty feeling. I had to behave professionally but made very sure I was never left alone with him. Fast forward a few years and he is now a convicted sex offender who likes to rape and beat women, and is in prison for a long time.

I think of a gut feeling is a bit like experience mixed with intuition. I also think there are parts of us underdeveloped or underused. Not in a woo way, just a bit like when ordinary people can lift a car to save their child under it when in 'lifesaving' mode, but can't do it otherwise. Or how we 'know' we are being stared at - even when the person is behind us. There are some underdeveloped skills and senses in us all. The closer the relationship between us, the stronger the link I imagine.

Then there is my mum who never allowed my brother to be alone with a certain teacher. This man was a pillar of the community and very popular. My mum actually went every week to watch at an extra curricular activity my brother did with him as she just had a bad feeling but obviously couldn't accuse him of anything with no proof or even allegations. He was later found (as in convicted after evidence was found not just gossip) to be a paedophile.

DrCoconut
Had same experience with Saville. My kids had the opportunity to meet with him - we were at a venue together - I point blank refused the offer for them to meet. Never knew the man except to see him in TV - but he exuded something in person that creeped me out, like a predator. I went into full 'beware, danger ahead' mode. Everyone I was with thought I was being 'odd'.
How right I was. My friends recall it with amazement to this day when it all came out about him.

Years ago, my old workplace had a personal safety session/discussion with a retired policewoman, I think she worked for the Suzy Lamplugh trust. One of the things she said was always trust your gut instinct.

When I was a teenager my friends and I would all meet up every Friday night at a certain wall in the town centre. We would walk to one pub, have a few drinks then walk to the pub by the taxi rank for drinks till closing time.
This was EVERY friday at that age.
One evening I had a horrible feeling of doom and despair as I went to get ready. I was suddenly just too depressed and terrified to go out.
My mum tried to jolly me along, probably wanting peace from a moody teenager but I wouldn't be moved and cancelled on my boyfriend (who was also pissed off with my sudden moodiness).
Later that night breaking news came on TV of our town, the bank right next to the wall had a bomb go off near it and it was awful. People were hurt and killed.
My friends and boyfriend hadnt bothered to meet at the wall (which was for my benefit as it was by my bus stop) and had gone straight to the first pub and stayed there so were all safe.
My mum looked at me very spooked but she was so glad I d got moody and stayed in.

As a child at pre school, there was a man helping out (long.before checks were carried out). My mum.got an awful feeling and told the leaders thAt the man must not be alone with us or be there with us in the loo. Years later it turned out he was a paedophile

I think the "go with your gut" thing has a grain of truth in it but is greatly overstated.

There are "gut" feelings call them instinctive cues which we should take notice of and sometimes don't, such as when embarking on relationships with people who may or may not be trustworthy.

That said, there's a lot of nonsense talked about this. Sometimes what your "gut" is telling you seems very compelling at the time and later turns out to be complete paranoia.

There's also confirmation bias and the tendency for people to pick up on instances where their instincts were proved right and ignore or forget the times when they were way off.

@Lockheart you sound like a proper weirdo

Yes.

Many year ago when I was a student in Brighton I was walking home to my house which was off a side road near the top of Elm Grove which is a huge hill with many residential roads coming off it.

As I was waking up the road I became aware of a male maybe the equivalent of two side turnings ahead of me.

Periodically he would drop and stare behind him, at me.

I slowed and slowed my pace as every time he waited he closed the gap between him and I. For those who don't know the area Elm Grove is a wide thoroughfare and well lit but the small side streets are very quiet.

It was probably apparent to him that I would turn left at some point as I was walking on the left side of elm grove.

I got more and more freaked out that he was o cuts or slowing his pace then staring right at me. Then, he suddenly took the turning on the left which was the turning before mine.

As I approached the corner of the road he had turned down I felt glued to the spot. I knew that if I carried on up Elm Grove and he reappeared he would be behind me and I would have to run steeply uphill to get away, which was obviously the opposite to when he was ahead of me.

I don't know how long I stood there for but it felt like ages - I contemplated trying to call my (male) housemate to come and walk me from there, I was less than five minutes from home at that point though and felt silly about it in some ways, that I was being silly or paranoid

As I was standing there a bike came behind me. I jumped and turned round and it was a (lovely friend of my housemate). I explained to him that I felt a bit a bit silly but explained about the bloke and asked if he could walk me home.

He did, and we took the first left (the one the strange man had taken) as we could get home that way and I just felt I needed to see there was nothing there.

Unbeknownst to me there was scaffolding all down the road and there was no longer a pavement, just a tiny bit of road funnelled off by scaffolding to create a long, narrow walkway.

I was chatting loudly to my housemate's friend - by this point it was me, him and him wheeling the bike - and as we got to the end of the scaffolding a bloke scuttled off out of the shadows.

It was the creepy bloke, who had been crouching down hiding behind the scaffolding presumably waiting for me to pass the top of the road, or - worse - to come through the narrow path.

Still makes me shudder to remember it.

Here's a crap diagram of it.

I'm on the fence with this. I think there are gut feelings and gut feelings. I think I will always trust those relating to survival situations and danger to children, but I think some of mine come from anxiety, and I've also experienced an "I'm going to marry this person" gut feeling being very far from the mark.