Would you apply?

[LJD32]

An opportunity at work has come up to work overseas for 3 months. It is a once in a life time opportunity and would be amazing for my career. However it would mean leaving my kids and hubby for 3 months. I'm really torn because I want to apply but is it selfish to go if by some miracle I was offered the opportunity? I would also only have a few days notice before leaving? YABU - it's selfish don't go
YANBU - it's 3 months they will survive go for it!

When do children develop attachment issues @cherrypie111?

I say go for it. It's 3 months not 3 years. The first week or so will be tough for the kids but after that they'll adapt. It sounds like a great opportunity and as a one off won't affect your relationship with your dcs, it's not like you're signing up for a decade of being away for months at a time and only home a week or two in between.

My dad went to war for 8 months when I was 3 and it was hard but it hasn't affected our relationship. This was well before the Internet and we had one 30 minute phone call a week and letters took 3 weeks to get here, plus not knowing when/if he'd ever come home. That was bloody hard, 3 months is nothing compared to that. You'd have a return date and are presumably not going to a war zone, we now have the Internet and modern technology which makes video calls and instant messaging possible at any time.

Go for it. As pp have said if you were a man you wouldn't even need to ask opinions. Your DH is supportive and has an excellent support system with your sister which is more than many women whose partner works away for extended periods have.

SaharanDust don't be ridiculous. Children develop attachment issues if they never have consistent care from being born and through infancy and childhood. A 3 and 6 year old will not develop attachment issues if their mother works away from home for 3 months, with daily communication, leaving them in the care of their father who has raised them alongside their mother since they were born.

If OP and her DH were planning to bugger off for 3 months to an island without telling the dcs, leaving them with a nanny they don't know and not getting in contact while away then you might have a point.

What exactly would you gain from the opportunity OP? Depending on this I would consider it. I think it’s because your mum it made me pause... flip side dad probably would go.

I would be worried about the youngest at 3 though as they have less understanding. You sound like you have the support network so that’s a bonus.

Absolutely fine as long as you can visit them at least once and they can visit you at least once.

I don’t really get the “men do it all the time” line. My dh wouldn’t, my df didn’t. He had to work in the states when I was about 7 and 8 but for 2 weeks. I actually don’t know any dads who have been away from their dc for 3 months except those in the forces. That doesn’t me op shouldn’t go, only she can make that decision, but men don’t all that so don’t imply it’s totally normal.

When people say men do it all the time, it’s men who are in a position that there is an opportunity that travelling will further their career. They go, they get the promotion, and if one man chooses not to another man will take his place.

@m0therofdragons

I don’t really get the “men do it all the time” line. My dh wouldn’t, my df didn’t. He had to work in the states when I was about 7 and 8 but for 2 weeks. I actually don’t know any dads who have been away from their dc for 3 months except those in the forces. That doesn’t me op shouldn’t go, only she can make that decision, but men don’t all that so don’t imply it’s totally normal.

Of course not all men. It depends if you have a job that allows you to travel obviously. There’s no denying a lot of men would take the opportunity though.

I would seriously consider it. My DH was away for 3 months when my DD’s were 2 and 4 (and I was pregnant with DC3!). It was hard work but doable. He’s normally a very hands-on dad but I found that it didn’t affect their relationship with him at all. I would really think about what you will gain from it, in terms of career, life-experience and have a good chat with your DH about the logistics of it. Good luck!

I'd talk to your DH.

I'd also remember that with COVID it could be longer than 3 months before you see your family again.

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't support my DH going. I cannot tell you what is right for you and your family though.

Go for it. You’ll always regret it if you don’t, it’s 3 months not 3 years!!

go for it!

Like already said, no one would bat an eyelid if it was a man doing the same. Equally they'd be outcry if a woman said that her husband couldn't go.

I don't currently have children but my DH is in the army and I look forward to him being away, cruelly my 2 month break from him has been cancelled (I was looking forward to having the bed to myself and the dog!)