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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Be honest. Have you sent your kids to school when they could have stayed at home?

557 replies

Witchcraftandhokum · 19/01/2021 17:02

I left my job in education before Christmas mostly because of the governments appalling response to Covid in schools and anti-teacher sentiment generally so I haven't really got a vested interest. But I'm curious, after speaking to my ex-colleagues and friends who work in other schools there seems to be a dramatic take-up on the offer of places for vulnerable students and children of Key-workers compared to the last lockdown.

The numbers in my old school during the last lockdown made it hardly worth opening the school, this time they're at capacity and are having to bring extra staff in at a risk to themselves. In my friend's child's class there are 21 out of 32 currently attending.

What's going on?

OP posts:
Ohdofuckofdear · 19/01/2021 21:59

No,even though we could.

We're having to put our DD in 1 day because I have to go into hospital for the day and I'm dreading sending her into school more than I'm dreading having to go to hospital and believe me I am really fucking dreading that.

fucksanta1 · 19/01/2021 22:01

Child has ehcp learning disabilities classed as vulnerable and attends a specialist school.
She goes to school because she wouldn't cope with being at home. If she could cope I wouldn't send her.
My year four son at mainstream is not attending school- it's shut.

boobswife · 19/01/2021 22:01

know loads , but then if you want you can make the criteria fit. eg, couple i know have both kids at school, but he is unemployed due to Covid and she is currently furloughed in new-ish job and not told school she has left NHS

fucksanta1 · 19/01/2021 22:01

To add me and DH are key workers

SendHelp30 · 19/01/2021 22:01

@JackyReacher oh and before you point out he’s already had it, my cousin had it twice. Second time it killed her. 34 years old. She kept her kids at home even though she was a nurse.

LadyPenelope68 · 19/01/2021 22:03

@Wontdothisagain
I'm on the KW lost, can't wfh, but I suppose I could insist that I take parental leave. I wouldn't get paid and I'd be letting down my employer at what is a crucial time.. I suppose I could leave my job and we could survive on Dhs salary until the pandemic is over. To some on here I'm probably taking the piss.
You’re not taking the piss @Wontdo, you’re a keyworker who can’t wfh, that’s who the places are for. All teachers would agree with that I’m sure.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 19/01/2021 22:04

No. We could have done but we haven’t.

Wibblewobble99 · 19/01/2021 22:05

Slightly different for us as DC is at nursery. In the last lockdown I worked from home all surveys were cancelled and looked after DC. It was a nightmare but we did it. husband continued to worm as normal as he’s a KW.

This time I am still working on site and have been told it’s ‘business as usual’. There are too many loopholes left by Boris’s announcement particularly relating to my work field in construction and they’re quite frankly being exploited. This time we have no choice but to send DC to nursery, putting the nursery staff at risk. Between my husband and I we probably see between 30-50 different people a week, be them colleagues, tenants, contractors etc. We take all the precautions we can but it’s never going to be foolproof. I’m hopping mad as you can probably tell!!!

Greenygrape · 19/01/2021 22:05

Well it depends. The kids could be at home but having them sit infront of the TV for 10 hours a day whilst we work isn't great.

Many of us were failed last year, we believed keeping the kids home would mean back in school quicker but it was 6 months and then unions still wanted schools closed. We saw the impact on ourselves, relationships, jobs and kids. We saw stay at home parents with a key worker partner send their kids because the criteria the school made up was rubbish. Once bitten twice shy, plus most parents are working.

Ohdofuckofdear · 19/01/2021 22:06

Sorry I should have added that our DD is autistic and disabled so she has been offered a place at school every day but we've not used it apart from the one day that is a family emergency.

Treemama · 19/01/2021 22:07

Nope. Dh and I are both key workers but we work different hours so he stays at home homeschooling our dd and ds, plus minding our 1 year old and then I finish at 3.30pm and he goes to work soon after. I managed to get a day off during the week, plus 1 day working from home so I can help with homeschooling. It's a lot of juggling but safer for everyone.

MissMarpleDarling · 19/01/2021 22:08

I left mine home alone when I could have sent him in so I'd say YABU.

QueenofLouisiana · 19/01/2021 22:09

No. He’s at home. I’m online teaching, DH is online teaching. Our rota days in school don’t clash.

I’m teaching a child in school who’s sibling is at home. So that child is mixing with half a class, while the sibling is safely at home having time with mum! We’re expecting to have to open in half term, no doubt that child will be in then too.

ElfAndSafetyInspector · 19/01/2021 22:10

Be honest. Have you sent your kids to school when they could have stayed at home?

No, the exact opposite.

I kept her at home last lockdown when I could have sent her to school.

That was feasible (if extremely difficult) short term, but not feasible long term, so she is now taking the place to which she has been entitled throughout.

carolinesbaby · 19/01/2021 22:14

I don’t get it either, especially with the new strains. You’d expect numbers to be really low especially with the message to keep home.

It's because people need to earn a living.

Employers won't furlough key workers. So they have to work or not get paid.

LG1000 · 19/01/2021 22:16

Almost did, but so far haven't. I can be at home with kids, but husband and I could stretch the 'critical' criteria to request a place if necessary.

The remote learning provision was so poor during the last lock down, that it seemed a school place was the only option if we were to prevent our kids from wasting another 5 months. I made this point to the school when they complianed about the number of children in. Thankfully, they are making the effort to provide a little more than twinkl worksheets this time around.

I am sure this is a factor for many parents.

ShopoholicIn · 19/01/2021 22:18

Nope. But I know people who were upset that some others were, and finally have now started sending there kids to school.

Titsywoo · 19/01/2021 22:19

@Mum45678

Yes. I sent both mine in for a few days a week. I'm a single parent, work full time and technically a key worker. I work in a demanding job that can be done from home but requires lots of concentration and focus.

I had them home for all of the last lockdown but I almost had a nervous breakdown trying to keep all the plates spinning. The eldest is on the SEN register and she has been referred for ADHD. I have to monitor everything she does or she will not do any work.

I am eternally grateful for the teachers and TAs who are supporting them in school. I refuse to feel guilty. I'm really tired of people judging others when you have no idea why they have or haven't sent their kids to school.

As much as I appreciate your position many of us are not "technically a key worker" and have full time jobs, kids with SEN and are near nervous breakdowns. We don't get the choice though so I think it is understandable when people get upset.
FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 19/01/2021 22:21

Both keyworkers (frontline NHS for the main) but keeping the teens off all the time and ten year old off if working long shifts

FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 19/01/2021 22:21

Sorry except when working longshifts

scrivette · 19/01/2021 22:22

Well the DC are in school full time (DH and I both keyworkers) but I work part time.

The school have asked that they attend full time due to continuity, however there are more pupils this time compared to last time so I wonder if that will change soon.

Glitterinthegrey · 19/01/2021 22:26

DH and I are both critical workers. I'm a shift worker, he works office ish hours. He can't work from home, I can but my employer is rotating us back into the office, and if someone who's meant to be in goes sick, I can get called in at a moment's notice.

My youngest DD (10) is going to school but only the days that I work all day. I can't do my job and homeschool at the same time (safeguarding), and may physically not be here, so feel it's the best option for her. I do have an older DD but she's doing live lessons all day so couldn't watch her sister too.

I feel endlessly guilty about it though.

AllTheWayFromLondonDAMN · 19/01/2021 22:26

Yes, for two days a week. We are both teachers and juggled it last time, but at quite a cost to our and their mental health. This time around both DH are in school one day a week and even though when the other is in, the other is at home we have sent our two in because we need the space to work and they need to be mixing with other kids. My youngest in particular missed six months last time (other one was in one of the year groups that went back for a couple of days a week) and really suffered.

That said I’m a governor at the school and therefore am privy to the numbers and an analysis of what kids are in when and why and we are only operating at just under 10% capacity so I don’t think our two going in two days is causing undue stress on the system. If we were at capacity or extra staff were having to be brought in I wouldn’t want them to be taking the spaces another family needed.... but I’m sure that I’ll be told I’m unreasonable by someone on here because me and DH are anything less than full-time doctors on a Covid ward.

FlyingPandas · 19/01/2021 22:30

I could have done but haven’t. I’m a KW but DH works from home. We just couldn’t justify it.

I’m amazed, though, at how many kids are in (both in my kids’ school and in the school where I work). I think it’s partly because so many parents and kids found lockdown learning so hard last time.

But also I think it is because, as a society, we’re just so conditioned to take care of ourselves and our families first and foremost.

So most people are going ‘yay, I can technically have a key worker space, it’ll make my child’s/my life easier, I’ll take it!’

And not ‘actually, I could technically have a key worker space, but the right thing to do for society overall is for me to keep DC at home.’

People seem to have, as a general rule, a mentality like @JackyReacher. The ‘I’m entitled to it so I’ll take it’ attitude. Arguably, no parent should be sending a child to school unless they are definitively vulnerable (SEN, ECHP etc) or if both parents are KW. But most people seem to just be thinking of themselves and their DC. Not the wider issue. You can see the responses all over MN - all sorts of excuses about why THEIR situation, THEIR family, THEIR child is different and therefore deserving - but very often their reasons boil down to ‘It makes our lives easier.’

Greenygrape · 19/01/2021 22:42

@FlyingPandas it's not so simple though. There was never a covid case in our school. We've worked from home for a year, followed the rules and given up a lot. So to suggest sending our kids in for a keyworker place is a sign of how selfish we are is hurtful and untrue.

Likewise, my neighbour next door who has a cleaner, nanny and parent popping in or taking the kids away through the week and husband not working from home one day as a construction manager (surely there's some paperwork?!) Not to mention the lockdown parties..is less selfish because their daughter isn't in school.

ALL parents and children are giving up a great deal, whether in school or not. At the same time we're least likely to be in hospital, least likely to die and depending on which scientist you refer to young primary age children are least likely to spread the virus.

People were stuffing their faces with eat out to help out before playgrounds were unlocked. I don't think parents have been less selfish than everyone else.