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AIBU?

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Original poster

To put my non napping toddler 'down to nap'

92 replies

KaMai · 19/01/2021 14:01

The last few days my 2.5yr old has stopped sleeping at nap time, I'm guessing we're starting to drop the last nap :(
I've still been doing nap time routine and popping him in his cot, leaving the room after about 15 mins when he's settled down and all snuggled up, as ibusually do.
Last 5 days there's been no sleep, I've left him in there an hour merrily chattering or laying down and rolling or resting (I'm spying on the monitor!)
I didn't see the harm as he's content and resting but a chat with a friend today has made me wonder. She said along the lines of 'bit of a cop out just sticking him in his cot for an hour so you can have a rest.
I said she was being a bit harsh, but she said when you're little one drops their nap its just abandoning them the 'shove them in their bed for an hour.' Her children are older with naps being history a few years ago now.
I'm pretty sure there's no harm in seeing if he will sleep, or just having a rest but now my mums basically seconded my friends opinion!
I am I doing the right thing or an I just desperately clinging to nap time?!?

OP posts:
firstimemamma · 19/01/2021 15:27

My toddler still naps but if he were to stop I'd leave him in his cot as you describe too. Just do it and don't feel guilty Smile

5ambreakfastclub · 19/01/2021 15:34

My DD ( 3) has been doing this for a month or so. She asks to go for a 'nap' most days which is basically her laying in her bed reading or playing with her teddies . She can get in and out of bed herself so it's not like I'm trapping her in there ! She gets 40-60 mins of chill time and , if DD2 (9months) is napping as well , so so I! Win win . She has on occasion drifted off for 30 mins or so if she's had a busy morning. Even better!

MrsToadlike · 19/01/2021 15:35

Agree with previous posters, there's a bit of competitive parenting going on here from your friend. A bit of martyrdom too maybe?

You do you. If it works for your child OP, and you say it does, then good for you Flowers

Fembot123 · 19/01/2021 15:39

@TopBants

I wouldn't, personally- seems like a waste of time for the toddler. When age do you plan on drawing the line?

My 2.5 year old just stays awake all day, and I've got a 3 month old to contend with too. It's not that difficult. Then again, my toddler hasn't been in a cot since she was 18 months old, so not sure she'd stay in bed even if I wanted her to!

A waste of time for a toddler 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
SVRT19674 · 19/01/2021 15:42

My toddler only naps when she feels like it, life is too interesting. She refused to stay in a cot from 18 months so...When she is tired she just falls asleep on the sofa...

Fembot123 · 19/01/2021 15:42

Jealous much @TopBants, locked in cot! Get a fucking grip.

TheProvincialLady · 19/01/2021 15:45

You’ve obviously abused your child so badly that he is afraid to leave his bed for fear of repercussions. Also he is so chronically under stimulated that he doesn’t even NOTICE that he is not being taught mandarin or sonnets for that hour. You utter, utter bastard.

octoberfarm · 19/01/2021 15:45

It’s not like he's screaming his little heart out in there! When both of ours transitioned out of wanting naps (ugh) we switched to quiet time, so playing quietly in their room/bed for an hour or more each day. It's good for them to learn to occupy themselves independently and feel comfortable in their own company. Assuming he's not distressed, you're not doing anything wrong at all.

ToffeePennie · 19/01/2021 15:47

Mine is 3. Technically he has dropped the naps but there are still times when he is so tired he needs one. I put him down when he’s home, even if he doesn’t sleep, that quiet time is needed!
It’s also helpful because my 6 year old comes home knackered from school so he has a little sleep on weekends - I put them both down at the same time and have a little nap myself!

Squashpocket · 19/01/2021 15:48

As long as your toddler is happy, definitely keep doing this. In fact, I think it is actually a good thing that your toddler understands about downtime and entertaining themselves. I would leave a couple of quiet toys (cuddlies, little cars) and books in his cot and leave him to it. He will yell/climb out of his cot when he's too old to do this any more.

My 2 (4.5 and 2.5) have stopped napping but I still insist on some down time during the day. DS1 who I entertained constantly can't occupy himself and is only engaged by a tablet SadDS2 who was left to entertain himself for short periods from birth plays quietly in his room with his DUPLO and playmobil 123. It's a joy and a delight to behold.

Hankunamatata · 19/01/2021 15:50

I think its fine. Stick an audio book on if you feel guilty

Magicbabywaves · 19/01/2021 15:54

I did this with my first child. She would lay and chat to herself, sometimes she’d drift off.

Love the ‘waste of time comment’. Get your toddler learning Mandarin why don’t you.

toomuchtooold · 19/01/2021 15:59

There's a really long and tiresome phase when they don't get tired enough for a nap at lunchtime but they also can't manage all the way to bedtime - and they either get really ratty and overtired at bedtime, or if you have to use the car, they fall asleep and then won't go to bed till 10pm! If this becomes the stepping stone between nap and no naps, you will be the actual Queen of Naps in my (bleary) eyes.

I never managed to crack it with naps, but when I had the chance I did leave my DTwins in their cots in the mornings until they started shouting for me. They used to chat (nonsense) to each other and I could hear it over the baby monitor while I was having a quick cup of tea. The best thing ever went like this:

Twin 1: mummy did a wee wee in mummy's pants
Both: hysterical laughter
Twin 2: ...
Twin 2: daddy did a wee wee in daddy's pants
Both: more hysterical laughter

They went through half the family before they got bored!

saraclara · 19/01/2021 16:04

In fact, I think it is actually a good thing that your toddler understands about downtime and entertaining themselves

Me too. It's a really good skill to have.

Hufflepuff21 · 19/01/2021 16:05

He probably just needs a rest / quiet time rather than a nap now. Absolutely fine imo. Obviously you would go get him if he was distressed, but if he's happy I don't see the issue.

HighSpecWhistle · 19/01/2021 16:09

YANBU

  1. it's fine. Stick some books in there with him.

  2. I thought mine (same age) had stopped napping recently as they went a few days not settling. Then the week after they went back to napping as usual and still are now. All is not lost!

Tellmetruth4 · 19/01/2021 16:13

Your friend sounds like a potential mummy martyr or competitive parent. Avoid telling her stuff about your child in future.

babyyodaxmas · 19/01/2021 16:19

Agree with queen of naps comment. When DS (DC1) was at this stage I would try to be out over lunchtime so he could have a nap if needed. However if I had a 2.5yo in lockdown in January I would so do this !

SilenceIsNoLongerSuspicious · 19/01/2021 16:23

Honestly, I think one reason my dds love reading is because they spent what had been nap time looking at books, if they couldn’t sleep. And they did sleep sometimes - certainly when they’d been swimming or something really tiring, even when they were 4 or 5.

But I also think it depends on the child. If he’s happy when tired, or if he’s screamy and inconsolable. Happy tired is much less of an issue to deal with in the late afternoon.

Snowpaw · 19/01/2021 16:34

It’s absolutely fine. Toddlers are such busy little things - they need a bit of down time in the day. Mine certainly does. She gets really wild and overstimulated without a bit of a break in the dark. Sometimes she sleeps, sometimes not - she just has a sing and a chat to herself for 40 mins or so and when she starts shouting for me I go up.

Bookworming · 19/01/2021 17:29

*Yes, learning. Playing, interacting with the world around him, looking at stuff, learning about things... Independent play is one thing, being locked in a cot for an hour with nothing to do so mum can have a break is quite another to my mind.

I suppose it depends if the kid was sleep trained. If so and they've basically been trained that they have to stay in until they're let out, I'm more opposed to it than otherwise.*

The hysteria is unreal! 🙄

Perfectly good and sensible use OP. Enjoy your rest, martyrs are extremely tiresome. I think this poster needs more rest and she might not be so snarky.

Whatthebloodyell · 19/01/2021 17:37

When my kids dropped their nap at two, they still needed to have some chill out time
For an hour. I just used to turn the tv on!

Excited101 · 19/01/2021 17:41

It’s ‘rest time’ totally good for parent and child.

StacySoloman · 19/01/2021 17:42

My 10 year old still has to have an hour of "quiet time" in his room after lunch now he's off school Grin
3 year old lies on the sofa.

I have a lunch break!

Minky37 · 19/01/2021 17:50

I think I had mine doing an enforced ‘test’ either on their beds or on the sofa after lunch until they started school - the utter bastard that I am! It’s just a little chill out time and a bit of head space for you before ‘afternoon session’ starts IMO.

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