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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a CMS one

91 replies

2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 13:04

Received my annual review from CMS today. Fantastic need!

Payments have been put down to £5 per week for 3 children, down from £25! This is after the csa have already quashed it debt of £15,000.

Why are they allowed to just walk away from the responsibility of providing for their children? Why are they allowed to continue to have more kids, leaving the ones they already have in utter poverty?

Why are they allowed to cook the books when they a self employed? He's driving around in a brand new car, always dressed in the latest clothes, holidays etc.. total dick.

Now I'll have to start working more double shifts to make up the shortfall, meaning my kids suffer even more.

Just ranting, I'm sure I'll get over it

OP posts:
JanewaysBun · 19/01/2021 13:08

That s awful
I know it won't mean much saying now but you're the one whom these kids love more than anything and they will grow up appreciating how much you do. He has lost them and will probably never get their respect back x

Wishitsnows · 19/01/2021 13:11

It's disgusting what the non resident parent gets away with. What kind of person wouldn't want to support their children. Sadly it seems to be a high number.

Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 13:13

I don't know what to do. Even though it was only £25 i used that in my budget, now I'm faffing around with number and wondering what I can rid off.

He's not even paid me over Christmas because he had to buy presents, and CMS are not particularly bothered

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Soubriquet · 19/01/2021 13:13

I think this is the only thing America has got right

That CSA is taken from the wages or they go to jail

If a resident parent left their child in dire poverty, dirty clothes, not enough food etc, that parent would be jailed

Yet the other parent can throw them £5 and they are fine to swan off and make more children

Dogscanteatonions · 19/01/2021 13:14

I'm sorry. It's shit.. My ex got a nil award for years when self employed. Less than he would have had to pay if he was claiming unemployment benefit. All whilst driving around in a big car he had on rental costing £500 a month and renting a house costing £800 a month - let alone other things. Despite giving proof to the CMS absolutely nothing was done

Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 13:15

£5 a week! What can I do with £5?

I'm so angry and hurt. My kids don't deserve this

OP posts:
Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 13:16

@Dogscanteatonions my ex is a self employed tradesmen. He's minted! But everything is in his girlfriends name, he's not daft is he Confused

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Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 13:17

@Soubriquet I've seen what Americans do. You can go to jail in some states!

I'm not asking for a lot, just enough to help me keep a roof over our heads

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Pippa234 · 19/01/2021 13:21

It's disgusting, the CMS isn't fit for purpose.
I wish we had the American system.

Youseethethingis · 19/01/2021 13:21

Maybe the girlfriend will realise what a pathetic excuse for a man he is and take the lot? You can only hope!
Seriously, I think they should take both parents National Insurance numbers for birth certificates and if either parent pulls this shit in the future the government pays and it comes out of their future state pension or something along those lines. The status quo is not acceptable at all Flowers

Coseynightin · 19/01/2021 13:23

Id wager more NRP would pay more if they knew the money was being spent on the children instead of being thrown into the RP household pot.

50/50 should be the default and then this does not happen.

I bet when together though also you benefited from his self employed status.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 19/01/2021 13:25

@Coseynightin

Id wager more NRP would pay more if they knew the money was being spent on the children instead of being thrown into the RP household pot.

50/50 should be the default and then this does not happen.

I bet when together though also you benefited from his self employed status.

Thrown into the family pot and... shock horror, used on the children!

You have my sympathies op. Ex and his wife have fixed their finances so he doesn't have to pay a penny for our 2 joint children. Its disgusting. But at 16 and 14 they are more than aware of who's paid for them all these years.

Youseethethingis · 19/01/2021 13:25

Id wager more NRP would pay more if they knew the money was being spent on the children instead of being thrown into the RP household pot.
That’ll be the household pay that pays for the roof over their heads, the electricity and water they use, the food in their bellies etc etc.
Stupid post.

MissSmiley · 19/01/2021 13:26

@Coseynightin of course it's being spent on the children, the OP has to house, feed and clothe them unless of course you're suggesting she spends it all on treats for herself, what a ridiculous thing to say

QuestionableDanceMoves · 19/01/2021 13:28

The system is absolutely not fit for purpose. A friend of mine moved in with the woman he had an affair with and her 4 children.
He then told CMS who reduced his payments for his kids with my friend- despite his new gf receiving money for her 4 kids from their dads.

Why should the existing children be made to lose out because their non resident parent decides to have more children or move in with someone who has kids?

Makes no sense. We need a better system to make non resident parents financially accountable

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/01/2021 13:28

@Coseynightin

Id wager more NRP would pay more if they knew the money was being spent on the children instead of being thrown into the RP household pot.

50/50 should be the default and then this does not happen.

I bet when together though also you benefited from his self employed status.

Of course it shouldn't.. why should children go and live 50 % of the time with someone who doesn't care enough to support family pot.

In this example how much support do you think £25 a week supports 3 children.

That wouldn't even cover lunch money.

OrigamiParrot · 19/01/2021 13:29

@Coseynightin

Id wager more NRP would pay more if they knew the money was being spent on the children instead of being thrown into the RP household pot.

50/50 should be the default and then this does not happen.

I bet when together though also you benefited from his self employed status.

I have no idea what you’re getting at here - the money goes into the household pot that funds the children’s home and lives. Which is the whole point Hmm

Sorry OP - it’s absolutely rubbish.

Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 13:29

@Coseynightin when we were together he had a normal job, I worked full time then too. He only became a tradesmen after we split so pipe down.

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Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 13:31

My household pot is just rent, utilities and food. That's about it. I don't go anywhere, not been on holiday for years. All my money goes on my home and my children.

Everything goes into one pot.

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Soubriquet · 19/01/2021 13:32

@Coseynightin

Id wager more NRP would pay more if they knew the money was being spent on the children instead of being thrown into the RP household pot.

50/50 should be the default and then this does not happen.

I bet when together though also you benefited from his self employed status.

I’m sorry! I didn’t realise kids didn’t need a warm home or food in the bellies

Electric for their computers/televisions

Money is more than just want they want. It’s things they need like a home!

safariboot · 19/01/2021 13:39

It's fraud by the father and should be treated as such. If the government can have people to snoop on alleged benefits cheats, they should be able to have people to snoop on child support cheats. Lifestyle incompatible with declared income should prompt a serious investigation.

I wouldn't have much faith in the American approach though. The system there is a reincarnation of the debtors prisons of Victorian England. It's the can't pay, far more than the won't pay, who get jailed without any lawyer to defend them.

cheeseismydownfall · 19/01/2021 13:51

It is absolutely disgraceful. I cannot understand how any man (or woman) could look themselves in the mirror for providing five fucking quid a week for their three children. I think there are two separate issues that urgently need to be addressed:

  1. the apparent ease with which a parent can use their self employed status to minimise their CMS payments

  2. the idea that a NRP with low/no employment can just shrug their shoulders and say they can't afford to pay. The resident parent has no fucking choice but to do everything, anything to feed, clothe and house their children. They don't get to opt out just because it is hard.

It should be a national fucking scandal. But because the majority of those disadvantaged are women and children, it is just allowed to happen.

Collaborate · 19/01/2021 13:57

If he's diverting his income to the girlfriend and you have evidence of that you must apply to CMS for a variation. It's one of the grounds.

SpaceRaiders · 19/01/2021 13:58

The most frustrating thing about CMS is that the onus is on the RP to prove that the NRP is earning more than they say they are. Which is virtually impossible, unless you’re able to afford a private financial investigator. And even then you’d probably only get an extra few pounds a month.

The way I’ve dealt with it is ignoring it. Yes, he should be paying more. He’s self employed and most certainly fiddles his books. Yes, it’s not fair and dc deserve far more support from him both financially and emotionally. But what I’ve found he’s been more willing to support dc, when he’s seen that I manage very well without him and we actually don’t need his money. Dc don’t go without and I’ve made huge sacrifices to make sure that will never happen. If he pays great. If he doesn’t that’s fine too. I will out earn him within 4 years, best form of revenge imo!

Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 14:01

@Collaborate I've pestered the CMS for months about this. They're useless!

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