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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a CMS one

91 replies

2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 13:04

Received my annual review from CMS today. Fantastic need!

Payments have been put down to £5 per week for 3 children, down from £25! This is after the csa have already quashed it debt of £15,000.

Why are they allowed to just walk away from the responsibility of providing for their children? Why are they allowed to continue to have more kids, leaving the ones they already have in utter poverty?

Why are they allowed to cook the books when they a self employed? He's driving around in a brand new car, always dressed in the latest clothes, holidays etc.. total dick.

Now I'll have to start working more double shifts to make up the shortfall, meaning my kids suffer even more.

Just ranting, I'm sure I'll get over it

OP posts:
Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 14:04

@cheeseismydownfall I completely agree. When he lived here we had just a normal life. Kids had what they needed and bills were paid. Then I ended things and he became bitter.

I don't want his money for me, I just want my kids to have a decent quality of life that's all. I'm now panicking about how I'm going to afford my council tax this month because I'm down £80 per month

OP posts:
Icanflyhigh · 19/01/2021 14:16

@2020canfuckitself I am in a similar position to you.
ExH is self-employed, nothing in his name, clever bastard that he thinks he is, and he pays the absolute bare minimum he can get away with.

As the DC get older they are realising this and the only saving grace is that they now know what the situation is and how far their sperm donor will go to see them not provided for by him.

They also know that I will bend over backwards with DP to make sure that they have everything they need, so although it doesn't make it any easier on me financially, they know he is shirking his responsibility to them.

Schoolhouse123 · 19/01/2021 14:17

I feel for you (unfortunately due to how this government chooses to run the cms system you are not alone).
I've found the best way to deal with it for me is have a wallow, sort out my practical finances and get on with it because otherwise it'll only make myself ill.
My ex has not payed cms since dc1 was 18 months (now 16). He gave up his job (after years of moving jobs constantly /taking cash in hand), went on to have several dc and for the last few years has been working in a supermarket. Cms wrote off the past debts. Ex has not had contact either and crosses the road when he sees dc.
I try to concentrate on the fact that dc are brilliant human beings whom have a better work ethic and morals than ex has and ex will never be able to hold his head up.
Keep positive and know your doing your best.

Icanflyhigh · 19/01/2021 14:18

@coseynightin you need to get over yourself and learn about the real world love.
I never fail to be astounded by some of the shite I read on here.

omg35 · 19/01/2021 14:25

I'm sorry lovely. Keep claiming the £5. It's a pittance and insulting but he has to pay something. Also write to your MP. It's very unlikely they can do anything but you never know

GlitterToast · 19/01/2021 14:35

The CMS are a joke both ways.

My partner has his son 60% of the time. He pays for all is his son's clothes, hobbies, school trips, everything, Yet according to the CMS, my partner owes his ex money? It's bonkers!

dontdisturbmenow · 19/01/2021 14:36

He's minted! But everything is in his girlfriends name, he's not daft is he confused
He is daft to put everything in the name if a girlfriend who could walk away tomorrow with it all.

Are you sure his business hasn't suffered significantly? The car could just be in lease and be hers.

My ex be we paid a penny in maintenance. Very frustrating at the time but ultimately, the kids became young adults and saw him for who he is.

unmarkedbythat · 19/01/2021 14:39

Id wager more NRP would pay more if they knew the money was being spent on the children instead of being thrown into the RP household pot.

What, the household that the children are a part of? Daft.

PumpkinWitch · 19/01/2021 14:41

[quote 2020canfuckitself]@Dogscanteatonions my ex is a self employed tradesmen. He's minted! But everything is in his girlfriends name, he's not daft is he Confused[/quote]
I hope his girlfriend leaves him and takes all his assets with her. 🤣

I don’t get any child support from my ex so I feel your pain.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/01/2021 14:42

@Coseynightin

Id wager more NRP would pay more if they knew the money was being spent on the children instead of being thrown into the RP household pot.

50/50 should be the default and then this does not happen.

I bet when together though also you benefited from his self employed status.

I'd wager you are either a bitter NRP or a bitter second wife. Either way, you're talking bullshit.

Most men I know don't even want 50/50 because they can't possibly work and have the children half the week too. Even though women manage it.

Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 15:05

@dontdisturbmenow I have no idea about his business to be honest. I know that he has been working throughout lockdown.

His car is bought, he told me so himself.

I'm not expecting loads, the £25 per week was a struggle but we managed

OP posts:
Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 15:06

@GlitterToast my exdp doesn't have any set days, sometimes he can see them once a week, other times he can go for weeks without seeing them. He FaceTimes them every day without fail though.

OP posts:
Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 15:07

@PumpkinWitch I am sorry, it's rubbish isn't it? I don't think they grasp that it's the kids that suffer the most.

OP posts:
HoppingOnSteppingStones · 19/01/2021 15:19

Apply for a variation. Get as much info as you can on his business.

It infuriates me when exes do that
My ex tried. When ds started seniors I asked for it to be raised as hadn't changed for 10 yrs. He offered 10 a month... Or told me to go to cms and fuck myself.
I went to cms.. It went up by 170 a month.
And each Yr it has risen because of his earnings
He also has just gone self employed. So I shall see what next year brings non the renewal.

Dhs ex was the opposite. He offered her x amount. She said no wanted it to be legal. And insisted on it being cms and only that figure.
Which was half of what he offered.
He then transferred her money for uniform. Dance class and various other things on tip and she transfers it back. Every time.
But then says to their dd. I struggle on the bit your dad gives me, which is why I work FT!
We didn't discuss with his DD. As she's only 8 but when she's old enough I'm sure she'll realise. She just likes to paint dh in a bad way. It's annoying but we know he does right. Even before he brought her uniform and shoes. Sent it back. Then 6 months later she returned it. Still with tags on and said it now didn't fit! It did when we brought it. It hadnt been bloody worn but then was too late to exchange or return.

Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 15:22

If he's skint, he's skint. Fair enough, I can't take what he doesn't have but the fact is I know he's not skint.

£25 a week, that's all I ask

OP posts:
Idratherberude · 19/01/2021 15:25

You're a better woman than I. I'd have shouted at him in front of the kids, or maybe murdered him for some real satisfaction.

Coseynightin · 19/01/2021 15:33

This reply has been deleted

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Doublefaced · 19/01/2021 15:40

As long as there are women prepared to stand by and encourage men who fail to maintain their financial obligations to their children, then they will continue to do so.
If an RP failed to provide heat, shelter, food and clothing for their child then social services would rightly be involved.

Original poster
2020canfuckitself · 19/01/2021 15:40

@Coseynightin so because some single parents receive those that means we're all some how conning the system? What are you on?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 19/01/2021 15:48

Would is be possible to report him for tax evasion and get him investigated?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/01/2021 15:55

@Coseynightin

I see the hypocrisy is outstanding on here. Parents who dodge Child Maintenance should be jailed however lets not pretend that mothers dont milk the system cos they do.

Maintenance + Benefits + other perks like fsm, child benefit etc

I read from a poster they don't think it is fair that money should be dropped if they move in with another partner and child. Why not?

Everyone gets child benefit unless you are a high earner, couples as well as single parents.

No one "milks" the system. People claim what they are entitled to if on a low wage. And not all single mothers get benefits. I am a single mum and my DS doesn't get free school meals!

Notenoughchocolateomg · 19/01/2021 17:20

It's a joke. I get £7.04 a week in total for my 2 children. He doesn't work, but could easily afford more, but he chose to spend it on alcohol and prescription drugs. He was originally paying £20 a week, but he cancelled it so I went through cms. He then said he didn't cancel it and if I'd just told him about it, he'd have reinstated it to £20, but the cms only told him to pay that so that's what he pays. Selfish pricks the lot of them.

HugeAckmansWife · 19/01/2021 19:05

cosey what on earth are you talking about? First of all, the OPs ex is a man as are 90 something % of nrps, so enough with the 'women are shit too'. We know thanks, but saying that in no way changes the above statistic or the sex of the nrps people on this thread are talking about. Secondly, if a single parent gets benefits, the child gets fsm etc it's because they are entitled to them.. Probably because their earning potential is severely limited by those pesky dependent children who insist on being kept fed, warm and safe at all times. On another thread today, a (male) poster is moaning about his ex having a new partner and missing his kids who he sees eow. He can't possibly have them 50/50 though because of his all important job. Plenty of single mums, me included work full time and only get CB. I earn a decent salary. Those that don't, usually are prevented from doing so by childcare issues... But you carry on and believe we're all workshy lazy fuckers living on handouts, microwaving burgers for the kids once every few days and getting our nails done with your money. Twat. OP, I absolutely believe there needs to be a high level review of all things cms related.. It should be an outpost of HMRC with all info shared for a start.

formerbabe · 19/01/2021 19:09

Its disgusting.

Should be an inprisonable offence.

There should also be a separate charge of child neglect. If a resident parent refused to spend money on the child, they would be in serious trouble as the child wouldn't be fed, warm or clothed. It would be neglect. I see no reason why a nrp should be able to get away with it.

BlowDryRat · 19/01/2021 19:12

Yes, of course single mums are all benefit scroungers popping out kids with as many men as possible to 'milk the system' Hmm Ignore the ignorant troll OP.

The child maintenance system in this country is a joke. I have no idea why it proper reform isn't prioritised so that NRPs pay their fair share (except it's benefit-scrounging wimmin and their offspring, so who cares? Hmm). If you spent £5 a week on your kids then you'd be jailed.

FWIW, I out-earn my ex 4 times over and pay 10 X more in tax than I receive from him. He pays the CMS amount to the penny and no more. I think he's a dick.