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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So what, I'm ugly, get over it or don't look at me

98 replies

Leannethom85 · 17/01/2021 23:17

I have a bunch of women constantly on my case and make remarks about me being ugly, in a group mind, never alone! they say nothing when alone and put their heads down when they pass me.
I accept I'm ugly as fuck, I've been told it since primary school by just about everyone I've ever came into contact with, so what is there to achieve! Hurt my feelings I guess but I'm used to it so why don't they think something new up? I've also been called smelly lol, so ugly and smelly.
Aibu to think this group of repetitive morons are a wee bit obsessed by me and my family?

OP posts:

TitInATrance · 18/01/2021 06:58

“Handsome is as handsome does”. I’d guess they find you intimidating for some reason, but they aren’t worth your consideration.

Jumpalicious · 18/01/2021 07:02

I’m confused. Are you very confident in real life and they are trying to pull you down a peg or three, believing only the very beautiful can be that confident?

Or do you have some very large physical “flaw” that is easy to bully or that you are concerned about (fwiw a school mum friend is morbidly obese and has talked to me about how other women are cliquey and bitch about her - in fact, I’ve not heard anyone bitch about her!)

Otherwise it just sounds like they don’t like you, for whatever reason, and are calling you ugly like a bunch of silly pre teens.

Nomorepies · 18/01/2021 07:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Donotdelete · 18/01/2021 08:16

It’s very childish. Commenting on things you cannot help is unfair. I would gently call them out on it.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 18/01/2021 08:59

Odd...

RaspberryCoulis · 18/01/2021 09:09

I've been told it since primary school by just about everyone I've ever came into contact with

No you haven't. You sound quite paranoid and unwell.

Atalune · 18/01/2021 09:22

You’re not coming across well as each post is angry and unclear.

Can you try and explain the context and the actual event?

Are these stupid teens harassing you on the street? Are they friends who turned on you?

I my minds eye I am imagining a group of yobs shouting “Oi you ugly bitch” at you as you walk past?? Or is it something else?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 18/01/2021 09:28

presumably this is SM of some kind - can't you just block them?

Spied · 18/01/2021 09:33

I'd either report the harassment and completely ignore them or just let them get on with it whilst gracefully walking past ignoring the comments.
You sound quite reactive and this will have spurred them on even more.

waterlego · 18/01/2021 09:38

This is really strange. I have never of something like this happening outside of a school environment.

Yes, it is obsessive, unpleasant and a really weird way for adults to behave. As you say you don’t care what they think, can’t you just completely ignore them- act as though you can’t see/hear them? It sounds as though there might be a backstory here so perhaps they just want a reaction out of you/create a bit of a drama.

Just ignore them. Obviously if they are actually approaching or following you to say these things then you could involve the police as it would be harassment.

Original poster

Leannethom85 · 18/01/2021 10:59

And because its never happened to any of you means it isn't happening to me, that what some of you are typing? I've lived here all my life, I've been bullied at school, outside of school, at college, the bullies got people who didn't know me to bully me, yes that did happen. I became a pariah for no reason due to how I looked, how is that being paranoid? I don't want to go into details, in case someone knows it's me.
So it has followed me all my life and no I'm not being paranoid.

OP posts:

Original poster

Leannethom85 · 18/01/2021 11:03

@RaspberryCoulis

I've been told it since primary school by just about everyone I've ever came into contact with

No you haven't. You sound quite paranoid and unwell.

If I sound unwell maybe it's been the years of torment I've put up with.

OP posts:

MrsBobDylan · 18/01/2021 11:13

You should report it to the Police op. I'm guessing you are nearish in age to these women and there is some kind of history there?

comfycomfy · 18/01/2021 11:32

Why have you never moved?

Original poster

Leannethom85 · 18/01/2021 11:43

@MrsBobDylan

You should report it to the Police op. I'm guessing you are nearish in age to these women and there is some kind of history there?

Genuinely isn't, never knew them before this happened.

OP posts:

Motnight · 18/01/2021 11:44

Op are you ok? It sounds horrible. Is everything else in your life ok?

Eckhart · 18/01/2021 12:43

@Leannethom85

And because its never happened to any of you means it isn't happening to me, that what some of you are typing? I've lived here all my life, I've been bullied at school, outside of school, at college, the bullies got people who didn't know me to bully me, yes that did happen. I became a pariah for no reason due to how I looked, how is that being paranoid? I don't want to go into details, in case someone knows it's me. So it has followed me all my life and no I'm not being paranoid.

A pariah? You mean everybody has always been against you because of the way you look?

peak2021 · 18/01/2021 13:03

I'd check whether or not their repeated behaviour can be called harassment and there is any legal remedy (I am not sure). Assuming you cannot avoid them.

You are feeling harassed regardless of their intent and that is what matters.

SavoyCabbage · 18/01/2021 13:14

Just about everyone you have ever come in to contact with has told you you are ugly? This can't have happened. People don't think like that.

TaraR2020 · 18/01/2021 13:16

They're bullies, pure and simple. I hope you can rise above it

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 18/01/2021 13:22

You poor woman. If you've been bullied for the entirety of your life then your self-esteem must be completely shot. I've seen first-hand what this kind of thing can do to people.

Gently questioning: have you ever considered seeking therapy? I'm not saying this is your problem: it's very much the bullies' issue. But it's not unreasonable to seek some support for yourself about this. You may even be traumatised - I know from experience that the earlier in life these traumatic experiences go back, the harder they are to unpick and the more profound an impact they have. If you can get some good quality therapy, and your self-esteem improves as a result, you might later find you become less of a target.

Finally, if they are threatening and/or harrassing you, do please report this. No one has to tolerate this kind of behaviour from anyone.

This is not your fault. You don't deserve this

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 18/01/2021 13:24

I'd check whether or not their repeated behaviour can be called harassment and there is any legal remedy (I am not sure).

Just seen this post by a PP. I'd suggest you document every occasion, and set a paper trail going with a police report. This can amount to evidence. Then, if it persists, you can seek a court injunction.

LowestEbb · 18/01/2021 13:33

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