AIBU to be getting pissed off with DW?

[NiceRedWine]

Aware this could get a bit off backlash but anyway...

AIBU to be getting pissed of at the amount of online shopping and unnecessary items my DW is buying, considering we’re meant to be saving and purchasing a house in the next couple month?

Backstory: We are both living with my parents whilst our house purchase goes through, hopefully by March. I work full time from home, as such do 75% of all chores and childcare, in addition to homeschooling. DW works part time in a cafe, remaining time is spent on social media and online shopping. Recently during a deep clean and sort out it was discovered that a large percentage of her wardrobe still had the tags on, never worn, and yet if the online shopping is questioned am told it’s all things that are ‘needed’.

In addition, although both our names will be on the mortgage, I am funding the entire deposit, and will ultimately be paying the mortgage as my salary enables this.

YABU - It none of my business what she buys, leave her to it.

YANBU - Allowed to be pissed off, all seems a little one sided.

I wouldn't be entangling myself financially with her - you are sensible and she is profligate. Shame you're married but I'd be looking at how to keep finances as separate as possible. No joint accounts and credit cards either.

@Whererainfalls

She will ruin you financially. Don't buy a house with her.

^this. I hope you are using protection, if she falls pregnant she will have a financial hold over you for ever. Are you paying your parents rent for staying with them, does she contribute to that? Groceries? You are paying the deposit and mortgage but the house will be in both your names, she is spending freely and you are raising her kids whilst she sits on SM & does online shopping all day. Haven’t your parents mentioned any concerns? How old are you?

You need to draw up and agree a budget together.

You both need some discretionary spending money as part of this. What each of you spends that on is none of the other's business.

Oh fuck this doesn't sound right OP.

@tatutata

On the money side you're obviously right, but your post comes across as a bit.... Self righteous? I Don really see what the housework has to do with it. She'd still be spending too much if she did all the housework, so it seems like a pointless way of trading. Unless you are mentally totting up an hourly wage of course?

Absolutely not self righteous. If she was actually doing all the housework, I don't think OP would feel as put out. Yes, she still would be spending too much, but at least OP wouldn't have to do the housework when they come home from work... as well as homeschooling her kids!

Yes, she's a woman, but don't defend the indefensible. She's taking OP for a ride. Her kids should be her responsibility in terms of home schooling, but that would take too much patience. She should be saving for the house but that would take too much restraint. She should be doing the bulk of the chores considering she works a few hours a week, but that would take too much effort.

She's a lazy, selfish and utterly useless partner as far as I can see. OP could still buy this house alone, except they'd have more free time after work as they didn't have to act the teacher and cleaner, and they'd likely have more money as their wage wouldn't be covering extra bills because their partner has decided to spend money on another pair of shoes.

In addition, although both our names will be on the mortgage, I am funding the entire deposit, and will ultimately be paying the mortgage as my salary enables this.

^ THAT is a disaster waiting to happen. She is taking you for a complete and utter fool. Give it two years past when you've purchased that house and she will divorce you and take you for everything you have.

Why on earth would you pay a deposit AND a mortgage AND even entertain the idea of putting her on the mortgage!?!

Do NOT buy a house with her.

Run. Now.

Yes, where has the OP gone? I'm always a bit twitchy when apparently a man comes on a women's site to say what a horrible time he's having at the hands of this woman.

So you're paying the bulk of the bills through your job AND homeschooling HER children while you're doing it, AND doing the bulk of the chores. AND trying to save for a house ... while does a few hours in a coffee shop before spending her free time on social media and goes shopping.

She's done well for herself, hasn't she....

What are you getting out of the relationship? She's going to bleed you dry while you run yourself ragged.

I wouldn't buy a house with her; I'd consult a divorce lawyer.

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

Yes, where has the OP gone? I'm always a bit twitchy when apparently a man comes on a women's site to say what a horrible time he's having at the hands of this woman.

Yup. Well dodgy.

In addition, although both our names will be on the mortgage, I am funding the entire deposit, and will ultimately be paying the mortgage as my salary enables this.

Please don't do this. Get out while you can. She saw you coming a mile away ...

I see this as the same issue as online gambling.

Ex-"D"P did this, gambling away money that wasn't disposable income and claimed that it was never a problem.

The OP's DW is doing the same, buying these clothes which are "needed" but never get worn as they still have their tags on.

In both online gambling and online shopping cases, it's called DENIAL.

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants and @MrsTerryPratchett have been watching a film with the little one, then playing catch up by reading the posts. Main reason for posting on here was to get a females perspective, not a males.

I’m a saver by nature, and was married to a spender. It didn’t work and I found it really stressful. When we eventually split up it took me years to get out from under the debt. I wouldn’t be getting a mortgage with her unless you can get back on the same page re finances. Sorry.

You are an absolute mug and you know it. She is taking the piss. How desperate are you?

@honeylulu

This sounds like a terrible deal. You work full time, home school her kids, do 75% of housework, will pay most of the mortgage and she sits on her lazy arse buying crap.

Get out now. Life's too short.

Agreed. She thinks you’re a mug. Your parents are being VERY generous allowing you, your wife and her children to live with them. They’re not even your children yet you’re providing money, a home, and education whilst working full time. She doesn’t seem like a catch.

Even your name @NiceRedWine is so pathetic that you couldn't possibly expect anyone to respect you. I hope that angers you. You need to get angry and wake the fuck up.

@grapewine

In addition, although both our names will be on the mortgage, I am funding the entire deposit, and will ultimately be paying the mortgage as my salary enables this.

Please don't do this. Get out while you can. She saw you coming a mile away ...

Jeez you’re paying the deposit and mortgage? Get out now. Leave the woman. Find a woman that actually respects you and doesn’t use you as a credit card and a nursery nurse for her children.

She sounds like a catch . If you can't talk about it and feel resentful it's not really a good sign. You need to have the same attitude to saving.

I think your wife is taking you for a ride. Stop being a mug and get rid of her.

You're being way too nice. She clearly doesn't respect you. Up to you whether you want to live like that for the rest of your life. I'd personally run a mile and soon.

I get why she married you.

But why did you marry her?