AIBU to be getting pissed off with DW?

[NiceRedWine]

Aware this could get a bit off backlash but anyway...

AIBU to be getting pissed of at the amount of online shopping and unnecessary items my DW is buying, considering we’re meant to be saving and purchasing a house in the next couple month?

Backstory: We are both living with my parents whilst our house purchase goes through, hopefully by March. I work full time from home, as such do 75% of all chores and childcare, in addition to homeschooling. DW works part time in a cafe, remaining time is spent on social media and online shopping. Recently during a deep clean and sort out it was discovered that a large percentage of her wardrobe still had the tags on, never worn, and yet if the online shopping is questioned am told it’s all things that are ‘needed’.

In addition, although both our names will be on the mortgage, I am funding the entire deposit, and will ultimately be paying the mortgage as my salary enables this.

YABU - It none of my business what she buys, leave her to it.

YANBU - Allowed to be pissed off, all seems a little one sided.

@Whererainfalls

She will ruin you financially. Don't buy a house with her.

This.

I'm sorry I agree with the others who are saying LTW.

It sounds incredibly uneven and this will not end well for you!!

She's taking advantage of you, in more ways than one!

This is just weird - why on earth is someone working part-time in a cafe so devoid of free time?

You’re working ft homeschooling your stepchildren. That’s utterly ludicrous.

Are you afraid of her? How on earth can this not have been dealt with before?

I certainly wouldn't be buying a house with this lady. Nor would I be home schooling her children when you are working full time, and she isn't.

LTW

Don't buy a house with this person, especially as you are putting down the deposit. You will regret this - you are her meal ticket and she is disrespecting you with "needing" the online purchases.

The fact that you are posting about your situation on here shows you are having doubts around the situation - trust your instincts. Please.

She's taking the piss.

You should go on that Radio 4 programme which has couples with different approaches to money.

If she's not contributing fairly then don't buy a house with her.

That said, if you expect every single penny to go towards saving and she isn't okay with that then you need to talk and assess if you're ready to buy a house together

When I was saving for a house with DH we worked our arses off and contributed a set amount to the savings each month and anything extra was a bonus. If DH started questioning what I was spending my hard earned money on, he wouldn't be my DH.

She saw you coming didn't she? What's the female version of a cocklodger?

My friends wife was like this. He literally couldn’t let her have access to his wages as she would have spent it before the mortgage was paid.
At least 3 times he took out loans to pay off her debts.
Everything she bought was not essential but impulse shopping.
It’s an illness and she will never change. This couple eventually split but she still gets in a mess financially.
If you decide to buy a house then you need to keep the money for bills in a private account.

My advice is be very aware of what you’re getting into.

I agree with the consensus. I'm so sorry, but she's taking you for a mug.
You can split the mortgage repayments and bills according to who earns more, for example 70/30. It doesn't have to be 50/50 or nothing.
Also, if she works in a cafe is she not furloughed at the moment as they are closed? Even if she's not, she still has time to at least split the homeschooling with you, it's not fair that you shoulder it all.
Please reconsider the house purchase.

You have 2 choices as I see it. Rearrange your finances so that you both get paid into your individual accounts. Work out how much you both need to pay into a Joint account to cover mortgage, bills and food. But be aware she will likely accrue debt anyway to maintain her spending.
Option 2, have another frank discussion about her spending and the impact on your joint finances. If you don’t see an improvement don’t buy the house. It’s taking the piss If your living with your parents to save up and she’s frittering money on crap. Are you actually married? If not I wouldn’t until she sorts her money out and make sure any house you buy protects your deposit.

Think she is taking the piss a bit on many levels. You work full time and are doing the majority of everything else. Whilst that is admirable it is obviously not fair that the one working part time is only then doing 25% of everything else. And whilst its also lovely that you are treating her kids so well, they are hers. She should be going above and beyond at work and home not even being bothered to do less than 50%. And that is without the whole money situation, where she is doing the same as the parenting, leaving it all to you. At the very least you need to protect/ring fence your deposit

@Goawayquickly

She is taking the piss here. You're a meal ticket potentially. Don't buy the house.

This, definitely and on top of that, you’re educating her children while she is on social media and shops online.

On the money side you're obviously right, but your post comes across as a bit.... Self righteous? I Don really see what the housework has to do with it. She'd still be spending too much if she did all the housework, so it seems like a pointless way of trading. Unless you are mentally totting up an hourly wage of course?

She's fallen on her feet!

I wouldn't be buying a house with her.

If you buy a house with this woman she may just financially ruin you. And then take the house as a trophy

Is LTW "leave the wife" or "leave the witch" or some other variant?

She's treating you like a mug.

This isn’t going to end well. You’re looking after HER kids and funding the online shopping. What is she contributing to the house/your life?

What are you getting out of being with her op?

sounds like you're being taken for a ride. what does she actually do that contributes at all, considering you pay everything and look after the children?

Was none of this an issue when you married?

No, no, no.

Do NOT buy a house with her. Honestly you have mug written all over you!