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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He said me walking slow is annoying

82 replies

Magicra84 · 16/01/2021 17:43

I've been seeing someone for about a month. All has been great but while out walking he said me walking slowly is annoying. He loves walking and the great outdoors. I can't walk quickly due to iron deficient anemia which takes my breath away if I walk quickly. Hills are a particular struggle. He knows I'm anemic. AIBU to be slightly upset by his comment?

OP posts:

katy1213 · 16/01/2021 18:18

It's hardly worth ditching him over - let him go for proper walks on his own and tootle around the park together at your pace.

redcarbluecar · 16/01/2021 18:20

If things are going well in other ways, perhaps he's doesn't realise how insensitive he's being, but agree with a PP that there probably needs to be some sort of compromise. I'm quite a slow walker, certainly compared to some of my friends, but there comes a point when you physically can't go any faster.

HeadNorth · 16/01/2021 18:23

He's a prick. I am a fast walker and go on long hill walks with my equally speedy DH. I also enjoy walking with a friend who walks a lot slower - so I slow down. I still enjoy her company and the walk, it doesn't annoy me at all - like you, she has a health condition that effects her walking up hills.

So in my view, he is unreasonable to be annoyed by the pace you walk and even more unreasonable to say it. Toss this one back.

pictish · 16/01/2021 18:25

I’m going to say that the two of you are not a match. He’s too pacey for you, you’re too slow for him. He needs a companion who can match his vigour, you need one who prefers to stroll.

I’m an outdoors bod. My dh matches me for fitness and pace so it works out well. I can’t help but silently scream when I’m walking with friends who bimble along. It’s not their fault, they’re not doing anything wrong...but I’m used to a more rigorous pace.

pictish · 16/01/2021 18:27

To add...slowing down for the occasional walk with friends isn’t a big ask. It would be a mismatch for me in a relationship.

samanthawashington · 16/01/2021 18:27

Throw him back.

InFiveMins · 16/01/2021 18:28

He's a prick and already showing signs of being abusive.

Get rid of him.

june2007 · 16/01/2021 18:31

I get it. If he enjoys hill walking then it could be annoying and hamper the pleasure if he has to go at your pace or do shorter wwalks it,s not a hobby you will be able to share and that might be an issue.

feelingverylazytoday · 16/01/2021 18:33

It is annoying I'm afraid. I'm a fast walker and I hate having to walk slowly.
If the relationship is otherwise good I would find other things to do together and let him go for his walks on his own or with other people.
If there are other problems as well then ditch him.

Persianparadise · 16/01/2021 18:37

That’s annoying, I’d tell him to do one. I had a boss who kept telling me I was walking slow, I had a bad hip. I went to hr, this was years ago.
I have an iron deficiency, the doctor gave me iron tablets I think 210g three per day and what a difference it has made to me.

Yokey · 16/01/2021 18:39

I think it depends how it was said. He's being honest. It is annoying and understandably so. If he actually sounded annoyed, get rid.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 16/01/2021 18:40

He's a prick and already showing signs of being abusive.

Seriously....

Lancrelady80 · 16/01/2021 18:56

To most people, anaemia wouldn't automatically equal breathing being affected and therefore not being able to walk quickly.

But is this going to be a problem long term? You need to compromise so he gets walks without you at his pace but sometimes you go together at his. Or you just don't go at all but you get quality time together in other ways.

Depends how important you are to each other I guess. Are you both willing to compromise? Is he generally a good bloke or is this a sign of things to come?

autumnalrain · 16/01/2021 18:57

YANBU to find it offensive
but he's also NBU to find it annoying

autumnalrain · 16/01/2021 18:58

but also I'm anaemic and it doesn't correlate wth slow-walking/breathlessness

Youdonut · 16/01/2021 18:59

Could it be you're also unfit?

I'm anaemic and get very breathless. I'm also asthmatic (not well controlled), so I really do feel you when you say you get breathless and hills are a particular struggle (I'm exactly the same). But, I'm also fat. Which gives me a far harder time than the rest.

I still push myself to go at a good pace because I need the exercise, and never getting out of breath isn't really exercise. I also go for hills particularly because these are a struggle of mine and it bothers me, so if I don't do it, it won't improve will it.

Obviously if you are not receiving treatment for your anaemia then you should be, before attempting anything.

PanamaPattie · 16/01/2021 18:59

You need to ask?

warmandtoasty2day · 16/01/2021 19:00

sorry fella, door is that way, close it on the way out

MistleTOEboughski · 16/01/2021 19:03

LTB now my dh is a fast walker who hates to slow down, I am a slow walker and it's been a bane of contention our whole relationship. He will never slow down for me and I have to scurry along behind like an elderly Pekingnese trying to keep up.

DumplingsAndStew · 16/01/2021 19:04

Tell him you'll keep walking at your pace, whilst he jogs on.

partyatthepalace · 16/01/2021 19:08

I can understand you being upset - but is it just that he’s the blunt type, and he doesn’t understand the impact of your condition.

Try spelling it out, and making sure that walks when you are with him are to your pace - which means he will sometimes need to walk with someone else.

See how that goes. I think you will have to be equally assertive with this guy going forward.

Haffiana · 16/01/2021 19:19

He knows I'm anemic.

Yeah, but does he know that you can't walk fast?

SunshineandShudders · 16/01/2021 19:20

I love to run. DH also runs but not as fast as me, so we don't run together. That's fine, we have other things we do enjoy doing together, it's good for both of us to do things separately with friends and we have something to talk about afterwards.

Running or walking at a pace that's too slow for you, especially for a lengthy period, is just as uncomfortable as too fast.

So it depends on the context. If he's saying he'd prefer to walk alone or with someone else, that's fine. If he's berating you for not keeping up, it's not.

Peanutbutterblood · 16/01/2021 19:24

Well if he loves the great outdoors and hill walking let him do that on his own if you cant keep up.

I'd hate to go for a hike and have to slow my pace right down

Wroxie · 16/01/2021 19:28

My ex was 6'1" and made no allowances at all for my 5'3" speed- I would have to jog like a little dog to keep up with him. So I didn't, and he would stride off leaving be behind to then wait at our destination, silently seething, and would proceed to give me the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Obviously he was a dick in many, many ways but one of these incidents did precipitate our final blowout. Curiously, my current 6'3" partner has no problems at all matching my speed. Because he's not a piece of shit.

Get away from this guy while you still can, this is a massive red flag.

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