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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask nursery to spell DD's name properly!?

86 replies

ftb30 · 16/01/2021 17:04

DD is 3 and has a name which is commonly shortened - similar to Catherine being shortened to Katie/Katy.

We use her shortened name so that's not an issue but they keep using the 'ie' spells when we have always used the "y"

I mentioned it to her key worker last week and she said "oh, silly me!" - I noticed the next couple of pictures to come home had her 'full' name written on them. Yesterday she bought a craft home with "Katie" on. AAAAGGGHHH. DD 3 even said " spelt my name wrong again" so I can't imagine that our DD won't also have told them- she can write her name(s) but never the ie spelling! Hmm

WIBU to speak to the nursery manager on Monday and ask they use the same shortened version we do or just use her full name!?

(and yes, I know this is a first world problem of the highest order!)

OP posts:
DappledThings · 16/01/2021 21:26

@SunshineandShudders

Has anyone read OP? She's not talking about the child's actual name, but a nickname, for which there is no official spelling.
I have, and I agree with you!
Thurlow · 16/01/2021 21:29

Definitely bring it up.

However, as with lots of names, she may have to grow up getting used to it - my name can be spelt with or without an E at the end, which I can live with through gritted teeth, but some people interpret the E at the end as being pronounced IE, which drives me mad, and sometimes they even change it to an A (another common ending but a completely different name!)

bourbonne · 16/01/2021 21:34

Hmm. I've had similar for my DC (it's a name with two common spellings and they sometimes write the other one), and it's never bothered me actually. Occasionally relatives and friends do it too. We knew when we chose the name that this would be inevitable. All names have their potential issues, and we decided this was one of the lesser ones. That said, my DC cannot yet read, so it's all very well for me to say that!

StacySoloman · 16/01/2021 21:36

@SunshineandShudders

Has anyone read OP? She's not talking about the child's actual name, but a nickname, for which there is no official spelling.
Lots of names have more than one spelling, whether long names or shirt names Confused

Lots of people go by nicknames.

Doesn't mean you don't have a preferred spelling for it.
Rosy/Rosie
Teddy/Teddie
Izzie/Isy/Izzy

SunshineandShudders · 16/01/2021 21:38

Doesn't mean you don't have a preferred spelling for it.
Rosy/Rosie
Teddy/Teddie
Izzie/Isy/Izzy

You might have a preference but it's unreasonable to expect others to know what it is when there's no official record.

Kittykat93 · 16/01/2021 21:40

@happymum12345

Risking their lives to look after her child? Dont be so absolutely ridiculous, that's made me laugh!!!

StacySoloman · 16/01/2021 21:40

@SunshineandShudders

*Doesn't mean you don't have a preferred spelling for it. Rosy/Rosie Teddy/Teddie Izzie/Isy/Izzy*

You might have a preference but it's unreasonable to expect others to know what it is when there's no official record.

The OP has told the key person how to spell her name.

I mean, we could start talking about Jo Biden since Joe is just a nickname anyway. It would be wrong though.

cherish123 · 16/01/2021 21:45

They should not be making this mistake. I understand that sometimes weirdly spelled names can be spelled incorrectly. I also think parents should consider this when choosing the name and its spelling. However, in your case, it sounds as though it's quite normally spelled- a "y" and they keep putting "ie" so they should be getting this right.

DavidRose · 16/01/2021 21:46

Hmm my DDs name is spelt with one 'n' and a lot of people add an extra n for some reason. It doesn't bother me at all.

Everyone has got my name wrong my whole life, it's a completely normal common name and I've had every spelling and pronunciation going. I honestly don't mind.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 16/01/2021 21:53

@SunshineandShudders

Has anyone read OP? She's not talking about the child's actual name, but a nickname, for which there is no official spelling.
The name & spelling is what the parent tells you it is. It doesn't need to be the name on the birth certificate to be respected as the child's name.
WeeDangerousSpike · 16/01/2021 21:55

I would absolutely tell them. They'll be teaching her to recognise and spell/write her name soon, if not already. The last thing she needs is to be taught to spell her own name wrong!

saraclara · 16/01/2021 22:00

Absolutely insist that they spell it properly. I'm a retired teacher who used to work in a multicultural area and it used to infuriate me that some of my colleagues didn't/wouldn't use the correct pronunciation of their pupils' names. Different issue, yes, but it's about respect. One's name is one's identity, and anyone who can't be bothered to get that right, either with spelling or pronunciation, is behaving in an uncaring and ignorant manner. The first time I met parents of new pupils, virtually the first thing I did was ask them if I was pronouncing their child's name correctly (particularly important as I taught in a special school and some of our children were non-verbal).

So yes, insist, and if they still can't spell it right, take it higher up and make the point about respect and professionalism.

ivfbeenbusy · 16/01/2021 22:02

Well don't choose a nickname which could be spelt several ways springs to mind? Or insist on using her full name in formal settings like nursery and school. We have lots of shortened versions for DD name but only at home/amongst family only.

Happymum12345 · 16/01/2021 23:20

@ Kittykat93

If only it was a laughing matter.

Watching nursery staff working along side other staff with NO PPE at all, is awful. Did you see why they have to go to work during the pandemic that was discussed in parliament last week? Perhaps do some research. What other job do people have to work so closely amongst others do you know where people don’t have ANY protection?
I think their minds might be on other things during a pandemic that is currently killing thousands of people a day, rather than if a child’s name finishes with ie or y.

saraclara · 17/01/2021 01:00

@Happymum12345

@ Kittykat93

If only it was a laughing matter.

Watching nursery staff working along side other staff with NO PPE at all, is awful. Did you see why they have to go to work during the pandemic that was discussed in parliament last week? Perhaps do some research. What other job do people have to work so closely amongst others do you know where people don’t have ANY protection?
I think their minds might be on other things during a pandemic that is currently killing thousands of people a day, rather than if a child’s name finishes with ie or y.

Oh don't be silly. Nursery workers and teachers are getting on with their jobs as normal. Yes it's shit that they don't have PPE, but it doesn't mean that they're not continuing to do their jobs to the same level of professionalism. It's pretty insulting to imply that they're not.

If they're the kind of people who care about their kids, they don't stop feeling that way because of Covid. There might be some practical things that have to go by the wayside, but not bothering to spell a name properly isn't one of those things. The teachers in my family and nursery staff among my friends haven't let their professionalism go by the wayside because of covid.

Kroebero · 17/01/2021 01:10

So annoying!! My daughter has a name similar to ‘Clara’ and her key worker at nursery sent pictures home with ‘Claria’ written on them. That’s not a name, is it?! When I brought it up with her, it turned out she was actually calling her Claria in nursery Hmm She asked me three times to spell it out to her correctly and said she couldn’t understand where she’d made a mistake. Then she went off to check her documents, realised her mistake and came back in the line to apologise - she still makes the mistake sometimes when she’s talking to me and it really annoys me!! Very rude!

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 17/01/2021 01:14

There's no 'official' spelling of any name. You can put any old nonsense on a birth certificate. Schools and nurseries usually ask what the child is known as and that's what they should use.

safclass · 17/01/2021 01:25

Definitely speak to them. Do they have name cards /pegs for coats etc with names on? We have a special boy who has a hyphenated name. Your name, esp when spoken, is part of your identity only being given half of it is just wrong.

Spelling incorrectly is not good for a child. As an adult I understand people will struggle spelling certain names. My name has been spelt at least 5 different ways, it's not a weird name either, and I m OK with that but a child doesn't understand why adults might get it wrong.

Ilovegreentomatoes · 17/01/2021 01:34

@Kroebero you sound like the nightmare parent that everyone at nursery can't stand.
I bet your dds key worker can't wait to get rid of you!

Kroebero · 17/01/2021 08:56

@Ilovegreentomatoes ha ha!! I’m an annoying parent because she can’t spell my daughter’s name and I think it’s annoying? 🤣

Bumpinthenight · 17/01/2021 08:59

My DD has a name along the lines of Isabel.
Her nickname is Izzy.
We spell it Izzy.
Her teacher spells it Izi.
My best friend goes with Izzi.
Other close friends go with Iz Grin
'Isabel' (now a teen) signs her name as 'Isabel'. I don't think she has ever used a shortened version!
As it is a nickname I don't and wouldn't and haven't had a problem with the misspelling. All of her school books and register is in her full name.
My DD has also never questioned the variety of spellings of her nickname.
Your child will be taught how to spell their full name, not nickname, at school. You need to teach them that there are many ways of spelling their nickname and that you chose one way and others choose a different way and it's ok. If it was their birth name, then absolutely fuss away.

Poppins2016 · 17/01/2021 09:07

@NoOneOwnsTheRainbow

YANBU. I have a name like this. I don't think it's that hard for people to use the correct spelling.
I agree with this!

I have a family member who seems to have a block on getting the spelling of my name right (ie/y), it's infuriating! Nothing says "I don't care" quite like getting someone's name wrong...

quicknamechange21 · 17/01/2021 09:19

Name changed for this but totally agree you should take a stand now. As a Victoria I have to put up with Vicki, Vikki, Vickie all the time instead of my preferred full name or Vicky. Even on replies to emails where I have signed off as Vicky! Do people not read?

I then stupidly lumbered my dd with a similar problem- her name is Abbie but she has to contend with Abigail, Abbey, Abi and Abby!

Poppins2016 · 17/01/2021 09:28

@Bumpinthenight

My DD has a name along the lines of Isabel. Her nickname is Izzy. We spell it Izzy. Her teacher spells it Izi. My best friend goes with Izzi. Other close friends go with Iz Grin 'Isabel' (now a teen) signs her name as 'Isabel'. I don't think she has ever used a shortened version! As it is a nickname I don't and wouldn't and haven't had a problem with the misspelling. All of her school books and register is in her full name. My DD has also never questioned the variety of spellings of her nickname. Your child will be taught how to spell their full name, not nickname, at school. You need to teach them that there are many ways of spelling their nickname and that you chose one way and others choose a different way and it's ok. If it was their birth name, then absolutely fuss away.
I commend your relaxed approach and I'm glad it works for both of you! I would say, however, that it's also ok not to accept others choosing a name (or the spelling of) and a child (or adult) doesn't necessarily need to roll over and accept it if they don't want to. I think spelling any chosen name correctly is important (I guess, for me, it shows care and respect). Teaching children that people get things wrong is a good idea, however they should also be taught how to ask someone to correct the issue diplomatically!

I have a name that can be shortened along similar lines, for e.g. Jennifer, Jenny, Jen. The name ending y/ie (I prefer 'ie') has only ever been spelt one way and everyone (except for one family member, who has an inability to 'hear' preferences!) gets it right, it's not difficult!

RedHelenB · 17/01/2021 09:31

If she can write her own name then as early years practitioners they should be encouraging her to do so.

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