Life in the SE

[Metafizzical]

I moved to live in the SE (just outside zone 6, 20 min train to Waterloo) with my DH. We have been here for 13 years. We are both originally from the North.

We live here due to his work. My work can be found anywhere. I have supported him through two international moves (always returning to SE in UK) and numerous years of working abroad whilst I worked part time, looked after our pre school DDs and exhausted myself in the meantime.

Despite all our hard work and owning a house of 900 k, it is still a little house and not ideal. Seriously....to own a property here is so fricking expensive.

If we moved north (I.e. Derbyshire or S Yorks) again we could have family nearby, a house double the size mortgage free, potentially private schools for our kids. But he won't realistically do this. He won't look for other jobs and neither of us are too keen on him commuting but it is an option we haven't entirely ruled out.

It makes me sad how hard we work, to then be able to afford so little for a huge cost. When we could move and have so much more; family, space, choice......all things which make life more enjoyable and help things run more smoothly.

AIBU? What would you do in my situation? I am struggling to see the positives here.

@umpteennamechanges I think we maybe neighbours!

I was going to suggest Hampshire!

This one is very near you and much more spacious for similar price
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/72482517#/

My parents live in zone 5 in a massive 5 bed semi with a huge garden.

This isn’t about ‘you can’t get a decent size house in London for £900k’ because the ceiling price on my parents road has never been higher than £750k.

What you mean is that you want to move home, and your husband doesn’t and so it doesn’t seem worth moving house when it’s not what you actually want. It’s a conundrum.

If you’ve got a £900k house but you say it’s small you must be in a flash part of Surrey or Bucks. It’s not that bad further out. I’m always idly looking on RightMove and there are decent properties (4 bed etc with big gardens) for less than that in nice parts of Kent, Berks, Hants, Sussex.

I don’t blame your DH for not wanting to move to South Yorks etc; yes there’s nice countryside nearby and you could have a huge house, but he probably doesn’t want to miss his kids half the week or commute a 4 hour round trip. And I don’t blame him.

Move a bit away from Gerrards Cross or Guildford and you’ll be fine.

Kent/South Coast are great option but further again from family.....none of whom are getting any younger......

But your solution is to move to Derbyshire....?

@titchy

Kent/South Coast are great option but further again from family.....none of whom are getting any younger......

But your solution is to move to Derbyshire....?

Ignore me - your family is in Derbyshire not the SE

Some of you have hit the nail on the head. His job is location specific but his skills are transferable to other industries and he probably could find something but yes, there is a risk.

I also don't want to have a husband who only comes back at weekends.

Thank you to those who pointed out life can't be "perfect". It's always a compromise.

No, life doesn't have to be perfect and now is really not the best time (during/hopefully soon to be post-pandemic), for your DH to be leaving his job and trying to find another. So unpick what would be the best compromise. It sounds like moving north isn't what your DH wants or will agree to, so you need to agree a compromise along the lines of you stay within an easy commute of London, but you get a bigger house/garden. Many people are geographically constrained because of their/their DP's work and the secret to happiness is to find the best compromise you can.

Why not pick somewhere north of London, that is both nearer to Derbyshire and also commutable?
For example, Kettering is an hour by train, then a cross-town commute into London, an an hour by road to Derby. (I only picked Kettering because there was someone at work who used to commute in daily).

You get to be closer to your family, so that you can easily visit in an afternoon, & he gets to be near enough to London and slightly better job security.

His job is location specific but his skills are transferable to other industries and he probably could find something but yes, there is a risk.

This sounds really risky to me. I grew up in London as did my DH and we moved out of London to a town within 45 mins commuting distance. So I do understand - we are now 5 mins walk from open fields with a detached 4 bed house that cost half the value of our 2 bed zone 2 flat. Can't you do something like that that will give you more space but allow him to keep his current job for the moment? I'm not surprised your husband doesn't want to take the gamble of persuading another industry in a different area that he's a realistic prospect against (no doubt) lots of other applicants in a country that's either in or heading for a double dip recession?

Look to move and see if he can wfh post covid, most companies will be more flexible I think.

@RupertRupertTheBear may I ask what SE values are and how they differ to others please? No disrespect, just interested.

Move 40 mins away by train from his work. Nice big house with garden.

Was going to say the same thing as another poster. I am from the West Country and live in London but I live on the West side of London to make it easier for me to get home.

Also living further out than Teddington would make a huge difference. Kettering, Peterborough, St Albans etc. In the right direction for family, not an awful commute to London and much better value for money houses.

How will the new moves that many companies are making to more working from home change things? Is his job an office job that is likely to be more flexible in the future?

@RupertRupertTheBear

SE values?

Yes, why don’t you just move to the other side of London?

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/100784690#/

South west, 1.5 hours direct train to London. Close to where Sarah beeny built her new house. The south east is insanely expensive. If your DH doesn’t mind sitting on a train for a few hours each day, you could get so much more for your money.