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Original poster

To be concerned about my QAnon ex partner’s mental health?

77 replies

Anon778833 · 16/01/2021 11:17

I split up with him a couple of weeks ago because he is obsessed with QAnon and Trump and he is also acting very irrationally. He thinks Covid doesn’t exist and it’s a hoax even though his friends dad died of it last week. He spends the whole day on LinkedIn/ Parler talking about how Covid is a hoax and Biden won’t be inaugurated. He has stopped working because of it and at this rate will have no money to pay his mortgage.

We don’t live together. He lives about an hour and a half away. And we have a 12 month old dd. I had thought that maybe he could take our little girl to his house to have contact time with her and then I could pick her up.

However, his rantings have become increasingly bizarre and I am wondering if he has a psychosis. He has within the last week, frantically phoned me to tell me to switch on the TV because the US was about to declare war on China. Then yesterday he was saying that I need to switch the TV on because all the European governments are collapsing and prominent politicians are about to be arrested. He also supports the rioting in Washington.

I have been FaceTiming him so he can talk to dd. Yesterday, he looked terrible and he told me he’s had no sleep for 3 days because he’s been up all night watching QAnon videos on YouTube. He said that he’s getting migraines and all he can see is spots and stripes in front of his eyes. I told him he can’t drive our daughter around like this and that he should be more responsible and go to bed when he wants to look after a toddler by himself. He also has a health condition that makes him more tired than most people anyway. For this, he blocked me.

He has upset a lot of people with his attitude about Covid and has managed to get himself banned from his local fish & chip shop.

Would I be unreasonable to not let him take her at the moment? I am thinking that if he goes to court maybe that will give him some time to straighten himself out.

OP posts:
Lenin1870 · 16/01/2021 11:18

Nutcase. Avoid

Hazelnutlatteplease · 16/01/2021 11:22

Have you got physical evidence?

Clicketyclick21 · 16/01/2021 11:22

Can his family report him to the local mental health services? He needs clinical intervention as he's not mentally well.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 16/01/2021 11:23

@Hazelnutlatteplease yes I’ve got all the texts

OP posts:
Falalalafishfingers · 16/01/2021 11:24

I'd definitely ring your local crisis team and ask them to assess him.

SpnBaby1967 · 16/01/2021 11:25

Can you make a referral to your local council adult care/safeguarding team?

It stands to reason that if he's not sleeping hes possibly not doing other things to take care of himself such as eating or showering for example.

OwlinaTree · 16/01/2021 11:28

That's very concerning, the lack of sleep and presumably ranting at people in public if he's been banned from planned would make me doubt he could be a safe parent. Could you meet him somewhere so he can see his daughter but not be alone with her perhaps?

Winterwoollies · 16/01/2021 11:32

Try to flag him up to the relevant authorities or at least his family, show them the evidence and then keep your daughter safely away from that environment until he’s in a better place.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 16/01/2021 11:32

Is there someone you trust who would supervise visitation? Is he likely to take it to court?

I would be saying that you only happy to offer indirect contact (skype letter etc) until there has been a psychiatric assessment, (+ clear drugs test if you have evidence of weed)

Original poster
Anon778833 · 16/01/2021 11:40

I’ve offered for him to see her with me there but he says no.

His area is a different council - I will see what I can find out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 16/01/2021 12:22

Aren’t mental health services really bad at the moment? I have tried to find some info. Under the circumstances would someone actually try to make contact with him?

OP posts:
stillusingxmaszoflora · 16/01/2021 12:40

No in my area they go to assess really quickly. Don't leave it to late, he could deteriorate really quickly and end up hurting himself or someone else.

DianaT1969 · 16/01/2021 12:44

People post here about MH services being poor, but you won't know until you try. I'm sure every area has different response times. Best not to delay, as it doesn't sound as if he'll get better on his own.

Kindredkat · 16/01/2021 13:29

You need to report him to his councils mental health crisis team (you may have to push to get to the right team since you're not in the area and it's not a police refer, but they will exist if you can navigate quickly).

You need to report your concerns, not just walk away, for the sake of your dd (in a couple of ways: if he's mentally unsound it needs to be in formal records so that a court can understand why you won't facilitate contact as he sounds like he can't care for himself right now. Never mind a baby. Second, so that he can get the help he needs if he wants it.. I couldn't just walk away personally, I'm not saying it's your responsibility BUT you've only broken up 2 weeks ago & your dd will be impacted if anything bad happens so at least push to flag it with local support and then my conscience would be at ease)

Original poster
Anon778833 · 16/01/2021 13:37

Yes I agree @Kindredkat I’m really sad that it’s come to this.

OP posts:
AllegedlyChaos · 16/01/2021 13:46

You really can't let him be around your baby like this.

Thelnebriati · 16/01/2021 13:48

When you raise the concern make sure you stress that you cannot let him take your child for access as you are too scared of the risk, and its not just the he is driving after 3 days with no sleep.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 16/01/2021 16:17

Right, so I found the crisis team number for his area and I phoned them and they were sympathetic about my concerns including those about our daughter. The person said that he does sound unwell and like he needs treatment but that they can’t reach out to him without his consent. She said that with his consent they could offer support and treatment.

He has blocked me so I’ve contacted his friend to see if he can persuade him. But the friend says that when he calls him he doesn’t answer the phone.

Thanks for replies.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 16/01/2021 16:19

You really can't let him be around your baby like this.

I won’t. When I posted this on lone parents topic, people were saying I should let him have overnight contact.

OP posts:
pointythings · 18/01/2021 13:55

You've done the right thing leaving him and staying away from him is also the right thing to do. He's clearly very mentally unwell.

Until he does something where the police are involved or where a member of his close family calls in, there's not a lot mental health services can do. Sadly that means he is likely to get worse before anything is done.

I am so relieved that you are no longer in a relationship with him and that you are protecting your DD.

DuncinToffee · 18/01/2021 14:02

I was just asking about you on another thread, so sorry to hear it has gotten worse and well done for leaving him.

Zebracat · 18/01/2021 14:51

So sorry for your troubles. Does he have family who might assist?
You have left him and told him your concerns about contact. I don’t think you have a responsibility to him, just to your daughter. But please be careful . It’s hard to believe that someone you have loved could hurt you, but it sounds as if his grasp on reality is shaky. Please don’t let him in if he comes to your door. Nor should you agree to supervise his contact.I’m not wanting to alarm you but if he has a key to your home, You should change the lock.

NotaRealLawyer · 18/01/2021 15:10

Hello, also from another thread. Didn't want you to feel no one cared.
He sounds really unwell, and you've made the right decision for you and baby.
To have a voluntary MH assessment he needs to give consent.

The police could attend his home, if you or his friend expressed a concern for his welfare.

If they find him in a public place, and he is clearly unwell, they could temporarily section him, and take him to a place of safety for assessment. ( Covid causes a lot of issues around this as you can imagine)

However, he has to be doing something which makes him a danger to himself or others to be sectioned in a public place.

To be honest, if his friend made a concern for welfare call, it might be helpful. The police are the only people legally obliged to turn out on a concern for welfare call.

You could do it too. If you are safe and away from him it's your call. Does he have family, would they get involved.?

Alternatively, you could speak to MIND about him, which is a mental health charity, and hopefully, they will give you sensible advice.
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
It might take a while to get through, but they have a helpline and it's confidential.

I hope that you are safe and baby too. Don't even begin to think about leaving a little one with him overnight at the moment. Look after yourselves ok? Also ring Women's Aid who can advise you about your own circumstances .

Thinking about you, you can get through this, put yourself and baby first. Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 18/01/2021 15:38

Also from another thread.

You're doing the right thing in not allowing him to see your DD. I don't know diddly about the UK systems as you can probably tell from my user name so I can't offer specific advice other than (if possible) seeing a solicitor. You need to know your exact legal position and what, if anything, you can legally do to protect your DD and yourself.

Embracelife · 18/01/2021 15:52

If he was your child minder or nanny would you leave your child with him?
No.
So don t send baby.

You have done what you can to alert mh services.
Not much more you can do.
You have evidence in texts he has had no sleep therefore you judge he cannot care for child.
Your baby will be fine for few weeks not seeing him.

Dont send her.

If he threatens suicide call police let them deal eith him.

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