To be concerned about my QAnon ex partner’s mental health?

[Anon778833]

I split up with him a couple of weeks ago because he is obsessed with QAnon and Trump and he is also acting very irrationally. He thinks Covid doesn’t exist and it’s a hoax even though his friends dad died of it last week. He spends the whole day on LinkedIn/ Parler talking about how Covid is a hoax and Biden won’t be inaugurated. He has stopped working because of it and at this rate will have no money to pay his mortgage.

We don’t live together. He lives about an hour and a half away. And we have a 12 month old dd. I had thought that maybe he could take our little girl to his house to have contact time with her and then I could pick her up.

However, his rantings have become increasingly bizarre and I am wondering if he has a psychosis. He has within the last week, frantically phoned me to tell me to switch on the TV because the US was about to declare war on China. Then yesterday he was saying that I need to switch the TV on because all the European governments are collapsing and prominent politicians are about to be arrested. He also supports the rioting in Washington.

I have been FaceTiming him so he can talk to dd. Yesterday, he looked terrible and he told me he’s had no sleep for 3 days because he’s been up all night watching QAnon videos on YouTube. He said that he’s getting migraines and all he can see is spots and stripes in front of his eyes. I told him he can’t drive our daughter around like this and that he should be more responsible and go to bed when he wants to look after a toddler by himself. He also has a health condition that makes him more tired than most people anyway. For this, he blocked me.

He has upset a lot of people with his attitude about Covid and has managed to get himself banned from his local fish & chip shop.

Would I be unreasonable to not let him take her at the moment? I am thinking that if he goes to court maybe that will give him some time to straighten himself out.

With no cpurt order you decide

Even with court order if he "all he can see is spots and stripes in front of his eyes"

Then reasonable excuse not to compy for your dd safety she is toddler so soneone who is cleatly in need of medical help is not right lerson to care gor her til been treated

I agree, keep your DC close by, with you.

@SugarbabyMilly

Aren’t mental health services really bad at the moment? I have tried to find some info. Under the circumstances would someone actually try to make contact with him?

possibly, unlikely to be optimum level of service, but that's no reason not to alert them.

I have been in a similar situation and my ex was also abusive to me. I think you are doing the right thing. Contact the mental health services and perhaps get the police to do a welfare check.

Keep your little one with you. The only way you can be made to hand your baby over to him is if he takes you to court. At the moment it doesn’t sound that he has the wherewithal to do that. Even if he did it would come across clearly that he has severe mental health problems and you are safeguarding your child.

Can you call the police and ask them to do a welfare check if no one is hearing from him? The not sleeping along with fixating on something sounds like a bipolar manic episode. They can get him into mental health as far as I know. Otherwise, I know it's hard, but just take a big step back and let events run their course (don't reply to him or let him see DD).

Sorry X-post with @PumpkinWitch

Yes, the delusions, ranting, and lack of sleep are all symptomatic of a manic episode, and the fact he's now disengaging and avoiding contact would be grounds for police involvement and possible MHAS intervention.

What they said to you about self-referral only applies because he hasn't been assessed. It's entirely possible that if they actually saw him in person they'd conclude that he absolutely does require detaining and treatment for his own sake.

He sounds like he’s veering towards schizophrenia tbh, certainly manic or psychotic episode. I had a dear friend who was schizophrenic and that’s exactly the way she behaved.

Others have given good advice- just to echo do not leave your child with him or his friends/relatives and call the police if you think he’s at risk of hurting himself. Women’s aid might be able to help you more.

Well done for getting out. I hope you’ve got good friends nearby.

I am North of the Border, so things are different here, but what about your local Safeguarding team?

He just texted me and said he wanted to talk and it did no good whatsoever- he accused me of being manipulative and said that I’m just trying to say he’s crazy because I don’t agree with his views.

He was just really nasty. I said I was trying to help and he was so horrible I put the phone down on him.

I don't have any answers I'm afraid but wanted to lend some support. I have a relative who has also gone down the rabbit hole and appears less like themselves every time I see them.
I'm just hoping that they can hang on until Trump goes and the idiotic crap being spouted slows and stops. In my opinion the covid misinformation will go when he goes.

I don’t think this is just related to QAnon. In this case.

He has a long history of saying his head is ‘all over the place’. He connects things that don’t logically connect. For example, he accused me of cheating on him and giving me chlamydia just because he had a slight pain in his lower stomach. He turned out not to have it of course, but not before blocking me and being really nasty. He also sees himself as ‘a healer’ and used to always say that he’s got a special ability to heal people and the government can’t find out. When I pointed out to him that this was delusional he said ‘oh that’s the last time I tell you anything’

@littledrummergirl I’m sorry to hear that. It truly is an intellectual cancer.

At this point you need to keep all communications with him in written form (email/text) or record them (subject to the laws in your area).

I'm sorry to hear it's been so awful for you. I think you've done your best, you can't make him better by trying to reason with him. I agree with AcrossThePond. You could ask for a Concern for Welfare with his local police but you don't have to, he is not your responsibility.

His state of mind is very worrying, but your own well being, and the little one is your priority.

I'd not engage with him now verbally. Keep a diary, dates, what happened etc and keep messages and so on. Get some advice from Women's Aid about your situation. He may be unwell, but that does not mean you have to put up with abusive accusations and behaviour. Have you any support yourself?

@NotaRealLawyer yes I’ve got my parents living next door. Luckily. If they weren’t there I have no doubt he’d be banging on the door.

I’m vulnerable myself as I have Aspergers.

I thought you were in the US, until you mentioned the local fish and chip shop?
Yes, this sounds extremely worrying.
If you're not getting naywhere with mental health teams and as you say have recently broken up, you might ask the police to do a welfare check with this background. It sounds like he could be a danger to himself, or others. They might progress mental health for you if they have concerns too.

Good you have family next door. Have you talked it through with them SugarbabyMilly? Any advice from them?
My own view is that you don't contact him any further given your own extra vulnerability there. He can't make you face time, or hand over the baby
You need some legal advice regarding access and so on. Personally, I think he sounds in no fit state to have your child overnight.
How are you feeling in yourself?

I don't have any useful advice about what you can do to help him, as I have no experience in accessing those services. I just wanted to say that it does sound like a mental break, especially based on his previous behaviour, rather than just someone getting sucked into conspiracy theories. I think you are absolutely right to keep your baby with you, and I'm so sorry that you are going through this You must be so worried for him.

I can only think that the 2% who voted YABU got their answer mixed up as no one in their right mind would advise you to let this man look after your DD. So absolutely well done on being strong and recognising the need to protect yourself and your DD. As others have said, you should keep a log, print out and file all these exchanges somewhere. Good luck.

@NotaRealLawyer

I am sad that our relationship has had to end because of this. But in myself I am feeling fine. Since he stopped coming here and talking endlessly about Covid being a hoax and Trump, I feel a lot less depressed. It was like a radiating sickness which permeated all the spaces in my home. I am much happier just with my dds. I have two older girls at home who are 17 and 11 and it was getting on their nerves as well. We are happier with him not coming here.

I am worried about what is going to happen to him. But he’s an adult and our baby isn’t & she’s relying on the one currently sensible parent she’s got.

I'm not at all surprised to learn that you and your older DDs are feeling better now that he is not around any more. Living with that kind of thing is utterly toxic.

You should be proud of the way you have handled this. You've shown compassion for a man who is very unwell whilst at the same time protecting your family. Brilliant stuff.

@pointythings thanks for your kind words.

Yes, I agree with pointythings. I admire the way you have kept this together. You've tried your best with ex. Well done for putting your daughters and little one first. I hope that you all continue to thrive and move on to better days.
Be proud of yourself. All good wishes. Shout up if you need a bit more support, we are following this thread and willing you on.

He’s been sending me emails saying that I’m making stuff up and that I’m just bitter because he has different views than me.

I said she’s not going in the car and if he wants to get a court order he can. Maybe this would give him the time he needs to straighten himself out.