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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about my QAnon ex partner’s mental health?

77 replies

Anon778833 · 16/01/2021 11:17

I split up with him a couple of weeks ago because he is obsessed with QAnon and Trump and he is also acting very irrationally. He thinks Covid doesn’t exist and it’s a hoax even though his friends dad died of it last week. He spends the whole day on LinkedIn/ Parler talking about how Covid is a hoax and Biden won’t be inaugurated. He has stopped working because of it and at this rate will have no money to pay his mortgage.

We don’t live together. He lives about an hour and a half away. And we have a 12 month old dd. I had thought that maybe he could take our little girl to his house to have contact time with her and then I could pick her up.

However, his rantings have become increasingly bizarre and I am wondering if he has a psychosis. He has within the last week, frantically phoned me to tell me to switch on the TV because the US was about to declare war on China. Then yesterday he was saying that I need to switch the TV on because all the European governments are collapsing and prominent politicians are about to be arrested. He also supports the rioting in Washington.

I have been FaceTiming him so he can talk to dd. Yesterday, he looked terrible and he told me he’s had no sleep for 3 days because he’s been up all night watching QAnon videos on YouTube. He said that he’s getting migraines and all he can see is spots and stripes in front of his eyes. I told him he can’t drive our daughter around like this and that he should be more responsible and go to bed when he wants to look after a toddler by himself. He also has a health condition that makes him more tired than most people anyway. For this, he blocked me.

He has upset a lot of people with his attitude about Covid and has managed to get himself banned from his local fish & chip shop.

Would I be unreasonable to not let him take her at the moment? I am thinking that if he goes to court maybe that will give him some time to straighten himself out.

OP posts:
Grrrpredictivetex · 19/01/2021 17:50

@SugarbabyMilly I'm not an expert on zoom, but fairly sure when I have used it on the odd occasion it asked if I wanted to record it. Maybe worth doing to capture conversations. As I say though I'm not an expert.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 19/01/2021 18:00

Most of our conversations were over WhatsApp or email.

OP posts:
NotaRealLawyer · 19/01/2021 18:10

You don't have to respond to his emails, direct them to their own folder and save them. Block his phone number.

He won't listen to anything you say, no matter how reasonable you are. I realise that you are genuinely worried for his welfare. Look after yourselves now, you don't want him turning up. I seriously doubt he will straighten himself out, he thinks the irrational one is you. (Which it is not)

Please ring Women's Aid, MIND, and/or ring the police about his state of mind and his behaviour,

You can't let this go on as it is, or cope with it all alone, he's continuing to unsettle you all.

SpudsandGravy · 19/01/2021 18:23

He sounds dangerously nuts.

I wouldn't want to allow contact at the moment, but I think I'd want to speak to a solicitor about that to make sure you don't do anything that could work against you and DC in the future.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 19/01/2021 19:03

What could ‘work against’ us?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 19/01/2021 19:05

I can’t afford a solicitor at the moment.

OP posts:
Grrrpredictivetex · 19/01/2021 19:18

@SugarbabyMilly

What could ‘work against’ us?
Possibly if it looks like you've just decided he can't see you baby, rather than gathering as much intel and speaking to all the appropriate organisations that deal with mental health, and getting them involved.
Original poster
Anon778833 · 19/01/2021 19:22

I did but they said that he has to consent to input.

He says I’m wrong he’s not ill and everything is ok.

OP posts:
NotaRealLawyer · 19/01/2021 19:25

Women's aid will help you with legal advice.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 19/01/2021 19:33

Thanks - I’ll give them a call tomorrow.

OP posts:
Grrrpredictivetex · 23/01/2021 17:45

How's it going @SugarbabyMilly ? Any joy with phone calls?

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/01/2021 19:00

I still haven’t phoned them. I probably will take the bull by the horns on Monday. One of my other children has had a tribunal so that took up my mental energy.

I said to him he could come over and see her on Thursday which he did, only with me there. He did not seem any better to me. He’s not even like the same person. It’s worrying.

He’s now pushing To have her next weekend. I’ve said he’s not driving her for hours in the car. Every day he’s ringing me.

Another concern has arisen. I want her to be rear facing in the car until the age of 4 because updated guidelines show that this is safest. He’s saying if he takes her in the car he doesn’t want to put her in a rear facing seat because she can’t see out of the window.

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 23/01/2021 19:19

He's mentally ill-there is no doubt-he sounds like he has a form of schizophrenia-you need to talk to citizens advice for legal aid. You need to keep documentation of all correspondence such as email and texts,perhaps even a diary of his behavior. You need to protect your daughter.

user1471462428 · 23/01/2021 20:05

Has he got sleep apnea? I’m just wondering whether he should be driving at all?

TheFuckingDogs · 23/01/2021 20:25

As someone who’s lost a loved one to Q (albeit not a partner/ex partner) so sorry you’re going through this and hope it will get better

4cats2kids · 23/01/2021 20:27

He sounds like he could be quite unwell.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/01/2021 20:32

He’s saying that I’m trying to stop him seeing her so I’m making up lies that he’s unwell. He keeps sending me videos of himself saying ‘I’m fine!’

These Q narratives fry people’s brains. Unfortunately I think he’s always been susceptible though. @TheFuckingDogs sorry to hear you lost someone to it as well.

OP posts:
ShinyGreenElephant · 23/01/2021 20:36

So sorry youre going through this. I've had similar with my DD11s dad and stopped contact for a while - I'm now allowing 2hrs per week, closely supervised by his parents who he has had to move back in with as hes lost his job, flat and girlfriend due to his views. Its horrible and I can only hope things improve once the pandemic is over because I'd hate to think that this ranting, weird person hes become is the father my DD is now stuck with. Not in a million years would I leave a baby with him. Also wouldnt allow him to take her forward facing although I dont think that would be legally enforceable unfortunately

BruthasTortoise · 23/01/2021 20:41

I'm not sure if this allowed but I've lost a number of family members to this nonsense and have found a helpful support forum on another site. Feel free to PM me OP. It's horrendous to see your loved ones disappear down this rabbit hole infront of your eyes.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/01/2021 20:53

I feel the same way @ShinyGreenElephant

It’s not legal to forward face til 15 months. He seems to think that because she’s big for her age, it’s ok Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/01/2021 20:54

@BruthasTortoise I’ve pmed you :)

OP posts:
Rapunzel91 · 23/01/2021 21:27

Hi OP. I used to work in a psychiatric ward and this sounds like psychosis. The sooner he gets help the better the outcome will be for him. Please call the police, they can have some assess him and if he doesnt agree to treatment and mental health team believes he needs it he can be sectioned under the mental health act xx

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/01/2021 21:53

The police won’t do anything unless he threatens to hurt himself.

I feel really pissed off with his family tbh. They have decided to ‘not get involved’. Why should I have to deal with this alone?

Incidentally I remember from somewhere that Alex Jones’s wife doesn’t let him have their 3 children - he has to visit. Because she says he isn’t a stable person.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 23/01/2021 22:41

You just cannot risk letting him have dd
So dont
Let him pursue.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/01/2021 23:06

Don’t worry, I’m not going to. Absolutely not. He also has two adult children and his adult dd doesn’t speak to or see him. I wonder if there is more to it. He seems to see his children as his possessions which is a concern.

But most of the time, he is much more sane than he appears to be now.

OP posts: