To be completely overwhelmed at being pregnant again

Appzy · 2021-01-15T21:09:16+00:00

Please be kind. 10 minutes I ago I did a test. It was positive. I have a difficult 10 month old DD and we've just moved into our new home this week. It needs a lot of work which we were really excited about starting. I'm shocked. This wasn't planned. Though we wanted to try sometime this year. DH is downstairs and I don't want to tell him. I know he'll be ecstatic as he's an extremely hands on dad. I just feel shocked and overwhelmed. I struggled and still struggle with DD and I don't know how I'm going to cope with 2 under 2 and renovations. Please someone tell me that's it's just all going to be ok and I can get through it.

lemonsandlimes123 · 15/01/2021 21:14

Well you don’t have to continue with the pregnancy. I am sure lots of people will be delighted to tell you it will all be fine, what a blessing etc etc but as you have identified it will be really bloody hard.

Original poster

Appzy · 15/01/2021 21:15

@lemonsandlimes123

Well you don’t have to continue with the pregnancy. I am sure lots of people will be delighted to tell you it will all be fine, what a blessing etc etc but as you have identified it will be really bloody hard.

Thank you for replying.

I don't personally believe in abortion so it's not an option for me. But thank you for being honest. I need it.

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Miljea · 15/01/2021 21:16

Well, that narrows your options- that's surely a good thing?

formerbabe · 15/01/2021 21:18

I'm sure you'll be fine...plenty of people have babies in far worse situations. You have a house and a supportive husband by the sounds of it so you're not doing too badly..congrats!

Yokey · 15/01/2021 21:19

I'll need IVF to get another baby so would love to be in your shoes. Not helpful, I know, but if abortion isn't an option, you might as well view new baby as a blessing!

RealisticSketch · 15/01/2021 21:20

In 9 months time your difficult 10 month old could be a very different character.

strawberrycherryblossom · 15/01/2021 21:22

I'm expecting no.2 and found out when no.1 was around 10 months. It was planned but I have moments where I am terrified and moments where I can't contain my excitement (and I knew this was coming so didn't really have the shock element like you). No real advice but just to say I get it and the fear is normal!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 15/01/2021 21:24

It's not easy when they are little but doable (and my H wasn't hands on at all) but I have 14 months between my eldest 2 and now they are 14 and 15 they are best friends

Billiesam · 15/01/2021 21:24

@lemonsandlimes123

Well you don’t have to continue with the pregnancy. I am sure lots of people will be delighted to tell you it will all be fine, what a blessing etc etc but as you have identified it will be really bloody hard.

Surprised to read this tbh. This is true though and I do agree.

RisingSunn · 15/01/2021 21:24

I’m sure you’ll be fine...the first couple of months will be challenging but you will soon find your rhythm.

Congratulations!

Miljea · 15/01/2021 21:25

You'll be fine, yes, maybe 'unexpected' (tho with no, or badly used contraception, you did run the risk of this! 😂).

Sometimes knowing you don't feel you have any options other than 'getting on with this' may be a blessing, in every way.

It is what it is; 4 years hence the age gap will be a bonus.

You'll be fine.

Original poster

Appzy · 15/01/2021 21:26

I know how lucky and privileged I am. I know so many women struggle with infertility. And I'm not trying to come across as ungrateful.

I think I'm scared. I had an awful birth experience, awful post natal care and DD have several developmental issues as she was an undiagnosed breech. It was a hard few months during a pandemic with no family support around.

I guess I just need to brace myself again and think about how lucky I am, and think of all the positives.

Thank you everyone for giving me a kick up the backside!!

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larrythelizard · 15/01/2021 21:26

I have a 19mo and, quite honestly, he's a delight. He can communicate what he wants (yes, and what he doesn't!), he walks well, he sleeps well and he can feed himself (not that great an eater anywhere other than nursery but 🤷🏻‍♀️).

He plays on his own for short spells and will happily read books, do 'jigsaws' and can be distracted for the whole of the snail and the whale (a whole 30 mins!)

What I'm trying to say is that he's a completely different character than he was at 10 months, I don't think I'd have believed it 9 months ago though!

Don't panic.

If having the baby is your only action then work out how to make it easier for you. Can DD1 go to nursery (at least some of the time)?

MaMisled · 15/01/2021 21:27

My challenging daughter was 7mths old when I became pregnant again. I felt like I'd been given an Indian takeaway in one hand and a Chinese takeaway in the other. I wanted both, but not at the same time. I was in temporary accommodation and due to move in the same week the baby was due.....at Christmas! I couldn't face accepting the pregnancy or buying anything related, until I was 7 months and bought 3 pairs of white socks. That baby is 22 now, her sisters best friend, a total delight, a qualified social worker. We managed!!! It was hard but babies bring their own deluge of love with them. Take your time and you will accept it. It'll be not only ok, but wonderful to have another!

RandomMess · 15/01/2021 21:27

The renovations can be minimised to essentials, the 10 month old won't be 10 months old for much longer - this too will pass.

Darbs76 · 15/01/2021 21:27

I agree that your 10 month old will be very different in 9 months time. Of course it will be hard, but I’m the future you’ll be happy for a small age gap, lots of benefits. Just hard work in the early years. But then all age gaps have their benefits and negatives. I’m sure you’ll be excited when it’s sunk in a bit. Maybe review (if you can) your renovations to see if the bulk of it could be done before baby comes. Oh and congratulations, every baby is a blessing

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 15/01/2021 21:29

I think the first couple of years or so will be hard but looking ahead they will be very close in age and friends who have been in similar situations have said it gets so much easier. Once they are here you will never look back. Congratulations xx

isurvived3under2 · 15/01/2021 21:30

Let's hope it's just the one?

Just a silly joke, hope it doesn't come across as insensitive, but I had the same and it was twins. You'll be fine with a nearly two year old and a baby. Get a good carrier and find a childminder for your eldest for a bit of a break for everyone. Good luck!

snugglepuff · 15/01/2021 21:31

You will be fine. It will be tough but think about how close they will be when they're older.
Also the baby years don't last long. You'll save money by being able to share clothes and toys etc.
My aunt had my cousins 10 months apart 😳 it was hard but they are the best of friends now in their 20's.
You can do this... it will be crazy but you will get there. Good luck x

TheDukeAndI · 15/01/2021 21:34

It was tough for me. My friend had 18mo between hers and me 22mo and we both struggled massively BUT you do get through it. It might not be as hard for you! Everyone has different experiences.
Mine at 3&5 now & are an absolute blessing, they are the best brothers & love each other to bits. Such a strong bond. 100% the best decision I made in hindsight

midsummabreak · 15/01/2021 21:35

When you feel you can sit down to tell Dh, don’t leave out the part about how you are feeling. Your health and mental health matters, and you need to take care to tread gently and be kind with yourself.

Be honest with Dh that you feel exhausted and will need the renovations to take a back seat. Make it a priority to see your GP and discuss your health and well-being

Belleende · 15/01/2021 21:35

I won't lie. It is going to be brutal for a while, having 2 close together reaps it's benefits but not until they are a bit older.

But your toddler will soon start becoming a bit more self sufficient (start training them to put their own cloths own asap). Lockdown will ease. Buy in all the childcare you can. And hire some professionals to do the work. If you can do all that you should scrape by.

If you can't afford childcare, have no family close and are planning to do all the work yourselves then you need a very detailed conversation with your DP about what that means and who will do what. I would be livid looking after 2 under 2 whilst my DP stripped wallpaper. This needs to be a truly shared burden or you will swiftly lose your marbles

Original poster

Appzy · 15/01/2021 21:35

Thank you everyone for being so kind and helpful.

I go back to work in a month and DD will be at childminders 3 days/week so hopefully we can continue that during my maternity leave so that should make it a little easier.

I think I'm gonna suggest us doing the bare essentials to the house as a few people mentioned to make it homely, the rest can wait for a few years.

So glad to hear people's experiences re. that DD will get easier. She doesn't sleep well currently so will have to work harder at a sleep routine I think too.

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tatutata · 15/01/2021 21:36

Mine were 22 months apart. I wanted 18 months. Loved it tbh.

Original poster

Appzy · 15/01/2021 21:37

@midsummabreak

When you feel you can sit down to tell Dh, don’t leave out the part about how you are feeling. Your health and mental health matters, and you need to take care to tread gently and be kind with yourself.

Be honest with Dh that you feel exhausted and will need the renovations to take a back seat. Make it a priority to see your GP and discuss your health and well-being

Thank you. This made me a little teary! (In a good way!!)

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