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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be completely overwhelmed at being pregnant again

56 replies

Appzy · 15/01/2021 21:09

Please be kind.

10 minutes I ago I did a test. It was positive.

I have a difficult 10 month old DD and we've just moved into our new home this week. It needs a lot of work which we were really excited about starting.

I'm shocked. This wasn't planned. Though we wanted to try sometime this year.

DH is downstairs and I don't want to tell him. I know he'll be ecstatic as he's an extremely hands on dad.

I just feel shocked and overwhelmed. I struggled and still struggle with DD and I don't know how I'm going to cope with 2 under 2 and renovations.

Please someone tell me that's it's just all going to be ok and I can get through it.

OP posts:

2toe · 15/01/2021 21:39

I did it and have managed two raise two well adjusted, almost adults. There’s 15 months between them and their father worked away from home so I just had to make it work. The first couple of years was hard work, I had to be very organised and learn to accept that I couldn’t do everything and be everything to everyone. I had to prioritise the important things and let other things go, getting some sleep is more important than doing the dishes, you have to look after yourself so you can look after your children.
Practical advice would be cook and freeze as much as you can before the baby arrives, get a travel cot/playpen for the living area that you can put the toddler in so you can safely separate them from the baby while you make a call/have a cup of tea/do whatever it is you need to do. Make feeding time for the baby story time for your toddler, you can all sit together and the toddler doesn’t feel left out.
One big benefit in my experience, which may not be true for all, is that there is no sibling jealousy, the elder child cannot remember existence without their sibling.

notdaddycool · 15/01/2021 21:41

You may find you do all the work early and then they are so close they entertain each other. Lockdown has been great for us as kids are close in age and love each other to bits, hopefully you’ll get similar.

CheesePleaseLoueese · 15/01/2021 21:42

I fell pregnant with my youngest child when the second youngest was 10months... it is doable. Rest when you can!! Accept all help you can get with the house and the toddler.

wonderwhatshappening1978 · 15/01/2021 21:43

You'll be ok honey.

Deep breaths

Let it settle

A small gap is brilliant!

This will work out well xxx

Popsicales · 15/01/2021 21:45

I was pregnant again when my DS was 4 months old. I had 2 under 2. DD slotted in with DS’ routine when she was a newborn and that was quite easy. The next 18months was very difficult but manageable.
They are 2 and 3 now (nearly 3 and 4) and I love the age gap. It is amazing! I want a third baby but I feel sad that they wouldn’t be close together in age.

You will be ok. There are sooo many benefits of having 2 under 2.

newusername2009 · 15/01/2021 21:46

My last 2 have a closer gap than that, I won’t lie and pretend it was plain sailing but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I absolutely adore them despite the fact it was not planned for.

midsummabreak · 15/01/2021 21:46

Fuck the housework and renovations , enjoy your time with your young family and Dh. If you have little family support you need to be your own life line. Do something lovely for yourself each day.

dillydallydollydaydream7 · 15/01/2021 21:47

There are 18 months between my two DD's, one is 21 months and the other is 3 months. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's hard with dh is at work especially when I'm sorting the eldest out with her breakfast for example and the baby is crying but as long as she is safe and free from harm I've learned that it's OK not to drop everything and run to her because the eldest also needs me for things so it's about balance. The trick I've found is getting into a routine (I'll be reminding myself of that when I go back to work in June!). Just take it a bit at a time with your Reno - do what you can when you can until you feel too tired and then let your dp know. Our eldest goes to private nursery two mornings a week (or at least she did before lockdown)

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 15/01/2021 21:49

I'm sorry OP

It could be worse, I know a few people who have got pregnant when their baby was 4 months. And they survived, and their children are now older and very close.

They did say the first year was hell but after that, it was better than having a bigger gap as only only place to drop off / pick up, shared toys, interests, activities, many classes could be shared as within the same age band etc.

dillydallydollydaydream7 · 15/01/2021 21:49

Sorry didn't mean to click post then! There are some wonderful times though, so many more to outweigh the hard ones. The eldest dotes on her baby sister and changes her doll next to me when I change the youngest and she always wants to help - you will enjoy it

nickyschof · 15/01/2021 21:52

I know someone who fell pregnant when their twins were 3 months old. She managed ok.

FolkAreWeird · 15/01/2021 21:55

From a different perspective, there's only 15 months between my brother and I and we have always been very close (both mid-30s now). My mum said it was the best time of her life when we were young.

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 15/01/2021 22:09

OP if it helps I had a dreadful time having my first, and, although number 2 was planned, the moment I got that blue line I felt sick to the stomach. I sobbed like a baby, it wasn't that I didn't want another baby, I was just really frightened of being pregnant and giving birth again.

Honestly though once I'd got my head around it that feeling passed.
My two labours couldn't have been more different, and neither could the resulting children. Dd had been a really unsettled little thing who could never be put down, Ds was the most smiley happy little man who Dd adored. There's just under 2 years between them, and I can still vividly remember thinking that I wished he'd come along sooner. It really wasn't too difficult at all (as I hadnt ever been out of baby mode) and my Dh worked away so wasn't hands on.

You're going to be absolutely fine, this time next week or even tomorrow, it won't feel half as overwhelming I promise.

Godimabitch · 15/01/2021 22:13

We tried for our baby, I was still overwhelmed when it happened, its bloody scary! YANBU but you'll be fine and alot of people say it's easier to have them close together.
And baby is still a long way away remember, you've got loads of time to get ready.

Congratulations!

underneaththeash · 15/01/2021 22:24

I also don’t ‘believe in abortion’ as a method of birth control, but I’m glad that women who need it have access to it in the U.K.
You’ll be fine OP - it happens (although my friends that had a very small age gap, only had 2).

Liverbird77 · 16/01/2021 05:25

I had a nine month old when o got pregnant. The baby is now almost six months old and my oldest turned two last month.
It's been nowhere near as hard as all the doom mongerers were saying.
Husband is very hand on, which is vital for me.
The children adore each other.

DramaAlpaca · 16/01/2021 05:30

Awww, OP you'll be fine. It'll all be OK I've a very small gap between my first two, unexpected as I didn't think I'd get pregnant so quickly (first time of trying for DC2 after almost a year for DC1). I've a 16 month gap, it was bloody hard at first, but worth it later on. They are grown now and still best friends. You'll do just fine, I promise.

TooManyKidsSendHelp · 16/01/2021 05:37

I had a similar experience when discovering I was pregnant again with my just turned 7 month old screaming in the next room... DH over the moon because he's much more happy go lucky than I am, me secretly thinking how the fuck are we going to cope...

It turned out great. I won't lie to you, it is fucking tiring. But it's great.

Greygreenblue · 16/01/2021 06:03

I think it is perfectly reasonable to feel shocked and overwhelmed even if this baby is wanted, if a little earlier than planned!!

My twins are 21 months younger than my eldest. We were (had only just started) trying but if I had known it would be twins I would have waited longer!

I spent the whole pregnancy freaking out. And it was hard, having 3 under 2, so being worried wasn’t unfounded. But we got through it and now I am wistful for the days they were all babies

HeyMister · 16/01/2021 07:13

My first child was 5 months old when I was 4 weeks pregnant with my second. Theres 13mths between them and they are just amazing. I also had PND, it was awful but my DH was a great support as your husband will be too

Congratulations & enjoy your pregnancy

RosieLemonade · 16/01/2021 07:40

@isurvived3under2

Let's hope it's just the one?

Just a silly joke, hope it doesn't come across as insensitive, but I had the same and it was twins. You'll be fine with a nearly two year old and a baby. Get a good carrier and find a childminder for your eldest for a bit of a break for everyone. Good luck!

19 months is nowhere near being 2!

isurvived3under2 · 16/01/2021 14:51

@RosieLemonade fine, I was trying to be encouraging. My first was 20 months when I had the twins, he did turn two not long after 😉

livingthegoodlife · 16/01/2021 14:53

I had 3 aged 2 and under at one point and was in the middle of a whole house renovation. When the middle one was born I didn't have a kitchen!

You'll be fine. I did loads of decorating whilst pregnant and during baby naps.

Good luck.

Babyroobs · 16/01/2021 14:54

I have an 18 month old gap between my eldest two and really it was fine, hard work but fine.

Xmassprout · 16/01/2021 15:00

It will be hard but you will find a way through it.

I think finding out you're pregnant can be a bit of a shock and overwhelming even planned, so I think your reaction isn't an uncommon one.

Totally agree with pp about telling your husband how you're feeling and seeing your GP. Make sure when you get your midwife you tell them as well in case you need extra support during your pregnancy.

Good luck

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