AIBU to complain about smear test experience?

[Ktmc94]

On Monday I contacted my GP surgery to get a new prescription for my pill. I spoke to the nurse who sorted that out but then proceeded to ambush me into a smear test appointment. I have looked into the screening for myself and was not convinced that I wanted to participate (I'm 26). I got flustered and agreed to the appointment thinking that at the very least I could have a discussion with her about it.

Then yesterday I arrived for my appointment. Blood pressure taken for pill and then I was weighed (didn't see the weight on the scale but I'm about a size 14/16). What came next was effectively a lecture about my weight which sent me reeling because I was already feeling nervous and uncomfortable about what was to come.

I was then ordered to strip behind the curtain without further ado, I tried to intimate that I was feeling apprehensive and was basically told to get on with it "it's only 20 seconds it's fine". No reassurance, no chat about the procedure or pros and cons of screening.

She then presented which, to me, looked like a rather large speculum and I voiced my concerns about it and was told that due to my weight a larger size was needed (I have never given birth). I was shell-shocked by this pronouncement and the bloody thing hurt before it was even opened but was once again told to relax and get on with it.

I left the appointment absolutely devastated at being lectured about my weight while feeling too vulnerable to assert myself. Fine, I need to do something about it but to launch immediately into a diabetes and heart disease lecture and then telling me that because I'm a bit chunky it means I must have a fat vag and offering no further explanation on the matter was just too much in my view.

I couldn't sleep last night tossing between wondering if I'm overreacting and feeling very upset about what happened. I phoned the practice manager this morning to discuss what had happened and was not encouraged. She skipped over the part about me trying to make an informed choice before deciding to screen and said "but you're 26 you should have had one by now" and "the nurse has been doing these on a daily basis for 30 odd years" and then rounded off by saying "not in any way to diminish your feelings about what happened" while having no comment on the fact that a weight lecture took up more of the appointment than some much needed reassurance about an invasive test.

I can't find anyone of any size who has been refused even a try with a smaller speculum and if I'm being honest I'm not massively fat, just pandemic misery has got me seeking dopamine in the biscuit tin but she could not have cared less about the state of my mental health. I'm still spotting and cramping which I had to find out for myself were side effects.

I am shocked by the replies on here, and hope you are not taking them to heart op.

You are nowhere near obese at size 14/16, so I am not sure why she felt the need to lecture you about that at all.
Secondly commenting on the size of your vagina was completely unnecessary, she should have been professional enough to switch to the tools she needed without a word to you about it.

Once she realised this was your first time, a more gentle and informative approach would have been much better. It IS an intimate examination and if you are not used to it, it can be very uncomfortable and embarrassing. This will change after childbirth, but for now you are young and it is a big deal.

I had cervical cancer cells at your age op, it is very good that you had it done, and now you have got it out of the way and will keep yourself safe.

I mean this very kindly, but I personally feel you need to work on being assertive. If someone mentions something that offends you, it is okay to say you would rather not discuss diabetes etc right now as you are feeling nervous enough about the procedure. Or to tell her you are very happy with your weight and body shape, and comfortable as you are and that she does not need to continue the conversation any further.

Equally if you were worried about her hurting you/did not feel she was being gentle enough or you felt violated it is perfectly acceptable to get dressed and tell her you are not happy to proceed and will be in touch.

I say this as a person who was very shy as a young person, and some unscrupulous people will take advantage, not the nurse but others. So learn to stand up for yourself, if you are not comfortable. Say I am not comfortable and I am leaving.

Good luck next time op, not all nurses are like that you have been very unlucky.

You booked the smear appointment, OP. If you didn’t want one, you should cancelled it to allow someone else to have it. They’re being cancelled left, right and centre due to Covid and they are a very precious resource in my opinion.

You’re obviously feeding extremely sensitive due to a number of things and I fear you may have projected that onto your experience.

The nurses cannot hang about at the moment. There is a pandemic and they’re slammed, she won’t have had the time to sit and soothe you through it. As a grown woman who made her own appointment, she may have assumed you wanted it abs no one wants to take their time over a smear test. Not only that, they’re working fast to minimises theirs and your exposure to other people.

When people wonder why women are put off having smears, it's the exact attitudes shown here that can be the cause. Smears shouldn't cause fear in women, it shouldn't be a bit of a shit experience we have to put up with, it shouldn't be something we have to face a lecture about or not be put at ease about. It certainly shouldn't be a million scare stories about how cancer cells were found in your 20s or how your mum/sister/aunt died from cervical cancer (terrible for those it affected, but still no right to use it as away to bring down an already upset poster). It absolutely shouldn't be used by surgeries as a way to blackmail their patients over getting the pill.

It's absolutely no wonder that women's healthcare is in such shit when the majority have been brainwashed into thinking this is an ok way to be medically treated.

@Ktmc94, I'm sorry you feel you were pushed into a medical procedure you weren't sure about. Unfortunately, this is the way things are for women's health, especially gynaecological. You have to be just as sharp back, as for explanations for any part you don't understand, and always know you have the right to ask them to stop if you're not happy. Try not to let this affect future smear appointments, but certainly don't be bullied by your surgery, nurses or some smug mumsnetter over the matter.

I was then ordered to strip behind the curtain without further ado

Tbf my colleagues who do smears get people in, stripped & out ASAP due to the pandemic. They don’t want patients to be taking ages and putting them at risk, they want them out as fast as possible to minimise the time they are in a room with them. They all have young children and don’t want to get Covid. Probably not the best time to have your first ever smear test but you could have said at any time that you would rather not go ahead. I’m sorry your first experience was so upsetting for you op.

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience. I sympathise when you feel nervous or uncomfortable about something that the nurse could have been more patient and explained it better. Hopefully this doesn't put you off again. The nurse is maybe so use to doing them and maybe under pressure with covid to get people in and out quickly. I hope if you need support with your mental health your able to contact your doctor or speak to family. I got my smear test letter a while ago, was putting it off, reading this conversation has made me just book it there. I have only had one before and was very nervous about it but once it was done realised it wasn't too bad. But again dreading this one, not sure why but thanks to reading this has made me book the appointment. Hope your able to put this behind you and feel better soon.

There are literally no downsides and it could save your life.

This comment is how we know you don't have a clue what you're talking about because it is a false statement. Pure ignorance.

And sorry she's literally doing her job!

The job of a nurse is not to assault people because she has not sought or obtained legally valid consent prior to conducting procedures or examinations. Go look at the guidance on consent from the Dept of Health, decided cases (ie legally binding law), and all of the medical professional bodies.

This is not what legally valid consent is.

Telling someone who has been assaulted by a HCP that she should be grateful and that it's her fault the HCP did this to her is abhorrent and repulsive.

I understand why you're upset but I dont think they actually did anything particularly wrong. You should have spoken up if you were uncomfortable, if you're there for a smear then the nurse isn't going to think you dont want one. They're really quite important and it's a short amount of time to be uncomfortable. I always find speculums painful no matter how much I relax, but it's not as bad as cervical cancer I'm guessing.

And sorry she's literally doing her job!

You aren't 'sorry' for your opinion. Own it.

She absolutely was not doing her job. It isn't the job of a nurse or other HCP to humiliate a patient. To be brusque and offensive under the guise of "health" and absolutely not to pressurise a woman into an intimate procedure.

I didn't have a smear until I was about 30 because I wasn't sexually active until my late 20s, it's not that unusual. OP you have received lots of oddly harsh responses. Next time try to go to a family planning / sexual health clinic. IME they are much better at these things than GPs or practice nurses. I have had two children vaginally but they always use the smaller speculum because I find smears painful and difficult.

Some health care staff are just awful and tactless. It sucks when you get one. I've come out of appointments in shocked tears cos of the way they were with me over various things.

It's just par for the course unfortunately (although you always have the right to complain). Like some people are dicks, some nurses are dicks.

Smears are a bit rubbish but they are necessary and defo better than cancer.

Well done for going and doing it though! That's that done for another few years. They won't all be like this.

You should have spoken up if you were uncomfortable

That sounds awfully like you are saying it is the OPs fault.

@LucilleTheVampireBat It is very well known that GPs try to push women into having smears and it sounds like this happened to you.

Gosh those awful GP’s trying to save women from dying a horrible death due to a preventable cancer.

It's absolutely no wonder that women's healthcare is in such shit when the majority have been brainwashed into thinking this is an ok way to be medically treated

^ this 100%

Some posters are bring very melodramatic, with talk of "assault" etc. By expressly booking a smear appointment she has consented to the procedure surely. At the moment timings are especially tight due to necessary sanitising in between patients. If op wanted to discuss the pros and cons there are different opportunities to do so . If she is on the pill chances are pretty high she is or has been sexually active, so due a smear.

Gosh those awful GP’s trying to save women from dying a horrible death due to a preventable cancer.

Yet I dont see men being harangued in the GP surgery in the same way over their prostate exams. Smears are important, but it doesn't always catch cervical cancer, and doesn't even find some types at all. Certainly doesn't prevent cancer, it can just detect the cells before it becomes terminal. They are however used as a stick to beat us silly wimmin who obviously don't know better with. Extra bonus points from society for subtly suggesting it's a womans fault if she does later develop cervical cancer without having a smear.

You should have spoken up if you were uncomfortable

That sounds awfully like you are saying it is the OPs fault.

No, not at all, if you read the rest of the post I am agreeing with her I don't think she was well treated at all. However being assertive in any position is so important, because we all need to be able to speak up and take action if we are feeling violated.
In her position, with another twenty odd years under my belt, I would have got dressed and walked out, and would not have sat through a lecture either. Op has indeed put up with bad treatment, when it would have been far more empowering and helpful to have simply stood up and put an end to the appointment in my view.

I have spent a lot of time in hospital, not every medic is kind or compassionate. Some of them are bordering on abusive.

Having the confidence to speak up if you are uncomfortable or feeling compromised is very important. Next time she will know this is not normal, and she should not put up with it. Op seems to lack confidence in herself.T
his will not be the first and last time something like this comes up in a lifetime. Be it a man coming on to you at a party, a taxi driver that locks the door, and goes a different way home to the one you are used to or a nurse who does show any respect for you.

Smears can be quite unpleasant and even painful. I’m sorry it was a bad experience for you.

I’ve never been given a choice in the size of speculum used: that’s a clinical decision, not mine. I don’t think your friends’ experience of being given a choice is usual.

THe nurse’s manner sounds very poor but in the middle of the current situation a lot of kindness is going out of the window.

Don’t let it put you off in future! I hope the results are all clear.

@Mackerelpizza

There are literally no downsides and it could save your life.

This comment is how we know you don't have a clue what you're talking about because it is a false statement. Pure ignorance.

And sorry she's literally doing her job!

The job of a nurse is not to assault people because she has not sought or obtained legally valid consent prior to conducting procedures or examinations. Go look at the guidance on consent from the Dept of Health, decided cases (ie legally binding law), and all of the medical professional bodies.

This is not what legally valid consent is.

You do realise with that ignorant comment you could be putting other 26 year olds reading off going to their screening? Shame on you. Shame.

As we can't get near or by our GP surgery I think getting a routine smear at the moment is amazingly lucky. And the disposable speculum they use now is much better than the old metal things.
No one enjoys a smear, no one enjoys a mammogram and no one enjoys the poo test but my God they are better than the alternatives.

@Icanseegreenshoots

You are nowhere near obese at size 14/16, so I am not sure why she felt the need to lecture you about that at all.

The nurse didn't say the OP is obese.

The OP is overweight and therefore the nurse spoke to her about that because it's her duty as a HCP.

But as an aside, you have no idea of the OP's height and build to be able to declare she's 'nowhere near obese'.

[quote WorraLiberty]@Icanseegreenshoots

You are nowhere near obese at size 14/16, so I am not sure why she felt the need to lecture you about that at all.

The nurse didn't say the OP is obese.

The OP is overweight and therefore the nurse spoke to her about that because it's her duty as a HCP.

But as an aside, you have no idea of the OP's height and build to be able to declare she's 'nowhere near obese'.[/quote]
Quite.
I have a feeling this was supposed to turn into a teeny-tiny v massive-missy thread but we're having to settle for women telling other women not to have cancer screening.

People are wildly reaching here. There is NOTHING literally not a single thing in the OP to suggest the nurse assaulted her, was rude, humiliating or nasty to her. All perceived slights from the OP who appears very over sensitive. Google implied consent. There was no point where the op said she didn’t understand or didn’t want the procedure. She is an adult woman presumably with capacity-when did adults stop taking responsibility for themselves!

Also I’m a size 10-12 and have an overweight bmi, perfectly reasonable that the op may be obese at a size 16.

Honestly no wonder the nhs is on its arse staffing wise when nurses are torn to shreds for doing their jobs.

There's so much emotive language in the OP designed to make this sound much worse than it was. I don't think OP should complain and think she needs to consider what she could do differently.

@TheScurrilousFunge you've won the internet for me with your response today