AIBU to complain about smear test experience?

[Ktmc94]

On Monday I contacted my GP surgery to get a new prescription for my pill. I spoke to the nurse who sorted that out but then proceeded to ambush me into a smear test appointment. I have looked into the screening for myself and was not convinced that I wanted to participate (I'm 26). I got flustered and agreed to the appointment thinking that at the very least I could have a discussion with her about it.

Then yesterday I arrived for my appointment. Blood pressure taken for pill and then I was weighed (didn't see the weight on the scale but I'm about a size 14/16). What came next was effectively a lecture about my weight which sent me reeling because I was already feeling nervous and uncomfortable about what was to come.

I was then ordered to strip behind the curtain without further ado, I tried to intimate that I was feeling apprehensive and was basically told to get on with it "it's only 20 seconds it's fine". No reassurance, no chat about the procedure or pros and cons of screening.

She then presented which, to me, looked like a rather large speculum and I voiced my concerns about it and was told that due to my weight a larger size was needed (I have never given birth). I was shell-shocked by this pronouncement and the bloody thing hurt before it was even opened but was once again told to relax and get on with it.

I left the appointment absolutely devastated at being lectured about my weight while feeling too vulnerable to assert myself. Fine, I need to do something about it but to launch immediately into a diabetes and heart disease lecture and then telling me that because I'm a bit chunky it means I must have a fat vag and offering no further explanation on the matter was just too much in my view.

I couldn't sleep last night tossing between wondering if I'm overreacting and feeling very upset about what happened. I phoned the practice manager this morning to discuss what had happened and was not encouraged. She skipped over the part about me trying to make an informed choice before deciding to screen and said "but you're 26 you should have had one by now" and "the nurse has been doing these on a daily basis for 30 odd years" and then rounded off by saying "not in any way to diminish your feelings about what happened" while having no comment on the fact that a weight lecture took up more of the appointment than some much needed reassurance about an invasive test.

I can't find anyone of any size who has been refused even a try with a smaller speculum and if I'm being honest I'm not massively fat, just pandemic misery has got me seeking dopamine in the biscuit tin but she could not have cared less about the state of my mental health. I'm still spotting and cramping which I had to find out for myself were side effects.

1. It's the OPs body, if she had decided not to have a smear then no one should be making the rude and frankly hysterical comments I've read on here. It's not selfish, entitled or wrong it's a personal choice. Do you go screeching like that at people who smoke? I'm sure that's more risky.

1. The one time the nurse used the larger speculum for my smear it was bloody agony (and yes I have given birth and had multiple sweeps). She changed to the "normal" one when she heard me heavy breathing and it was fine. Don't assume that because something is fine for you it's fine for someone else. I'm size 16/18 and only once has the larger speculum ever been used.

1. Some practice nurses are brusque and even borderline rude because they are overworked and they can easily forget that a lot of things that are routine to them are not to the patient - they are only human. But that doesn't mean the the op doesn't have a right to be upset or complain.

Wonder if the nurse would be getting so much sympathy if she had been a man, who shoved a large implement into a woman's vagina without first explainig what he was going to do and then without making sure the woman was comfortable.

Overworked in a pandemic in no way excuses what the nurse did, and it's that kind of attitude that means that womens' pain is routinely dismissed and ignored. No wonder op is upset by it. Where was the care and consideration? The op deserved better than that and if the nurse can't give that then she's in the wrong job.

It's totally bizarre that you wouldn't want one

Not really. It's an unpleasant procedure at best and a very painful one at worst.

oh for goodness sake! There's no ambush or 'talking you into it'. You're an adult. If you don't want one, say no erm have you seen the comments on this thread? The OP is apparently utterly stupid and selfish for not having one. MNers seem to think everyone gets cervical cancer. They don't by a long way, and the screening picks up pre-cancerous changes, so if you leave it a bit and say have one every 4 years rather than 3 you won't die of cancer. People on here really need to get a bit of proportion.

@MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly

It's the OPs body, if she had decided not to have a smear then no one should be making the rude and frankly hysterical comments I've read on here.

It's not selfish, entitled or wrong it's a personal choice. Do you go screeching like that at people who smoke? I'm sure that's more risky.

Yeah I expect the holier-than-thou posters on here who are posting the nasty comments, and think they have a right to police womens bodies, and 'shame' them into doing stuff they don't want to WOULD scream at a smoker.

These individuals, with their passive-aggressive emotional blackmail, WOULD be the type who would not only scream at a smoker; they would scream at someone having a third glass of wine. They are also the type who would scream blue murder at someone getting who stepped a centimetre too close to them in the supermarket.

As has been said, there are some truly awful posts on here, aimed at the OP. I am so glad I don't know these people in real life.

This is one of the most depressing threads I've read on MN for a long time. The attitudes of the posters who think OP is a "snowflake", should "be thankful she's getting a test at all", and who excuse the nurse not following the NHS Core Values, despite the fact she's not front-line NHS so probably not overworked more than normal, make me sick. I actually hope that they have a medical procedure, that they're anxious of, done by a HCP who is "too busy" to remember empathy. So they have to "suck it up" and "be grateful". Or maybe if their children had a bad experience at the hands of a HCP who's too busy to treat them with empathy and compassion. Hey, they're getting the treatment so they should STFU and not complain, right?

@CandidaAlbicans2

This is one of the most depressing threads I've read on MN for a long time. The attitudes of the posters who think OP is a "snowflake", should "be thankful she's getting a test at all", and who excuse the nurse not following the NHS Core Values, despite the fact she's not front-line NHS so probably not overworked more than normal, make me sick. I actually hope that they have a medical procedure, that they're anxious of, done by a HCP who is "too busy" to remember empathy. So they have to "suck it up" and "be grateful". Or maybe if their children had a bad experience at the hands of a HCP who's too busy to treat them with empathy and compassion. Hey, they're getting the treatment so they should STFU and not complain, right?

I totally agree

YANBU

Always absolutely baffles me the way people get so angry when someone chooses not to have a procedure done to their body. Everyone has a different level of risk and can decide for themselves if they want a smear or not.
I choose not to because I have a very low risk. Smear tests, since last year, only check for HPV initially now. If you don't have HPV, they do nothing after your smear. If you do, then they will continue to investigate. For anyone anxious about getting a smear done, it is worth knowing you can buy a self HPV test instead, as this is the same as what the smear tests for! If it is positive, it would be then be advisable to go for a smear and investigate further.

Wow! I thought Mumsnet posters had gone away from shaming non screeners! The poor OP has my full sympathy! First: maybe you all book for your smear as soon as the “invitation “ arrives, so you ARENT ambushed into it! But practices have all kinds of methods to ambush those of us who choose not to screen! These range from our notes being flagged, so if we book to discuss our bunions we will be offered a smear! Inhalers and other meds and sometimes even an appointment for anything is denied until we have a smear! Some women have been kicked off doctors lists for declining a smear. Your GP is paid a financial incentive to get as many as possible smeared!
To say the NHS makes an informed decision for is, but we can refuse? No!! Only we have the right to decide for ourselves! And actually cervical cancer is rare, with around 1000 deaths in UK a year from a population of around 30 million women, lifetime risk 0.65%! Stats by CRUK.
The OP was treated appallingly both by her “nurse” and by some on here too! Your vagina your decision, hers is her decision!
Some claim to be informed, did you know there were never any controlled trials done comparing smeared and unsmeared women? No, the test was just inflicted on us! And there is no need in 2021 for anyone to endure the speculum exam when Dutch and Finnish women have been able to self swab their vagina at home for years and their cervical cancer rates are among the lowest in the world!!

Also, for a Pill consult, while there is a requirement to weigh and take blood pressure, there is no medical need to make a smear part of the consult, except of course that you can be ambushed: no smear no Pill script! And here are surely more tactful ways to approach the weight question than that shown to the oOP

So there we go, women are completely unreasonable to expect any kind of empathy, compassion or understanding before having a metal objects shoved up your vagina. How dare women think they’re special enough to have any objections to this. 🙄

I know this thread is a few weeks old but I'm shocked at a lot of the responses minimising the importance of informed and clear consent. I wonder if these are the same posters who (quite rightly) stress that men (including ones own partners) do not have the right to touch your body unless you've made clear you are happy for them to do so, and that you are entitled to change your mind at any point. But a nurse, if presumably female and presumably overworked, can just go ahead without courtesy or checking consent and suck it up, snowflake!

I've had some unpleasant experienced of intimate examinations including one doctor who barely allowed me time to step into the room before snapping "come on, come on, knickers off" and being told off for flinching in pain ( "just relax will you"). When you feel exposed and vulnerable it's upsetting and humiliating. And I consider myself quite a resilient and no nonsense person.

Also let’s talk about consent and informed consent. The OP consented to the smear by booking the appointment? No. You could have booked the appointment, turned up, undressed, had the speculum put in and if you said stop the nurse would have to stop ! To carry on would be an assault. The NHS make an informed decision on our behalf of course we can refuse? No! Only we can decide for ourselves. And while GPS have incentives and targets, we will never have informed consent! We aren’t even asked if we want to be part of these programmes, we are conscripted in and we have to opt out if we don’t want to participate?! We opt out of what we never asked for to start with?!!