AIBU to complain about smear test experience?

[Ktmc94]

On Monday I contacted my GP surgery to get a new prescription for my pill. I spoke to the nurse who sorted that out but then proceeded to ambush me into a smear test appointment. I have looked into the screening for myself and was not convinced that I wanted to participate (I'm 26). I got flustered and agreed to the appointment thinking that at the very least I could have a discussion with her about it.

Then yesterday I arrived for my appointment. Blood pressure taken for pill and then I was weighed (didn't see the weight on the scale but I'm about a size 14/16). What came next was effectively a lecture about my weight which sent me reeling because I was already feeling nervous and uncomfortable about what was to come.

I was then ordered to strip behind the curtain without further ado, I tried to intimate that I was feeling apprehensive and was basically told to get on with it "it's only 20 seconds it's fine". No reassurance, no chat about the procedure or pros and cons of screening.

She then presented which, to me, looked like a rather large speculum and I voiced my concerns about it and was told that due to my weight a larger size was needed (I have never given birth). I was shell-shocked by this pronouncement and the bloody thing hurt before it was even opened but was once again told to relax and get on with it.

I left the appointment absolutely devastated at being lectured about my weight while feeling too vulnerable to assert myself. Fine, I need to do something about it but to launch immediately into a diabetes and heart disease lecture and then telling me that because I'm a bit chunky it means I must have a fat vag and offering no further explanation on the matter was just too much in my view.

I couldn't sleep last night tossing between wondering if I'm overreacting and feeling very upset about what happened. I phoned the practice manager this morning to discuss what had happened and was not encouraged. She skipped over the part about me trying to make an informed choice before deciding to screen and said "but you're 26 you should have had one by now" and "the nurse has been doing these on a daily basis for 30 odd years" and then rounded off by saying "not in any way to diminish your feelings about what happened" while having no comment on the fact that a weight lecture took up more of the appointment than some much needed reassurance about an invasive test.

I can't find anyone of any size who has been refused even a try with a smaller speculum and if I'm being honest I'm not massively fat, just pandemic misery has got me seeking dopamine in the biscuit tin but she could not have cared less about the state of my mental health. I'm still spotting and cramping which I had to find out for myself were side effects.

this is the sort of shit that stops people going for smear tests. Because its a low-key traumatic experience. YANBU.

@SunshineCake NOBODY has suggested this. People may be too traumatised to go back. I don't think they expect the staff to be paying it any heed.

@TableFlowerss thanks for that reply

I wonder if men about to have the umbrella down the urethra procedure or the prostate exam would be expected to have a berating about their weight and size first, before being told to strip and get on with it.
I very much doubt it, and I think its far more commonplace than people might think for women to feel degraded with certain medical procedures.

[quote djddjj]@SunshineCake NOBODY has suggested this. People may be too traumatised to go back. I don't think they expect the staff to be paying it any heed. [/quote]
Spectacularly missing the point.

@SunshineCake

Women who refuse future smear tests after having a painful one or one done by a bitch of a nurse need to think how they are only potentially hurting themselves. They aren't stocking an up yours finger to the nurse. She doesn't care..

Same with people who don’t go to the dentist for years out of anxiety. Finger wagging and repeating that they’re only harming themselves probably won’t do much good. Don’t know you think they know that already?

I'm an HCA on a ward which is so busy at present we don't get breaks don't have enough staff etc.
I and the vast majority of my colleagues smile, are kind & compassionate despite being stressed.
It takes no time to be pleasant and less muscles to smile than to frown!

Just before a first smear test is not the time to lecture a patient about weight when that patient is naked and feeling vulnerable.
Maybe after she is dressed again would be more appropriate but in a pleasant manner.
The nurse sounded like she had little empathy with OP and it's a shame - a good hcp should have empathy at ALL times.
Even our very pushed crash team drs had empathy to the patient when they were called out to our ward recently.
It costs nothing and takes no time.

You are getting a terribly hard time op.

I am clinically obese and have always be treated with sensitivity by my practice nurse. She always uses an ordinary speculum too.

With regards to weight, I find there are three types of health care professionals. The ones who do anything but mention my weight and it becomes the elephant in the room. Ones who are quite rude and treat me with contempt. And the best who mention it in a matter of fact way in the same way they would discuss nail care if you had an ingrowing toe nail. This is how it should be, I know that being obese has health implications and would prefer to discuss it in a matter of fact, straight talking way.

Don't let this experience put you off having your next smear. Ask for a different nurse next time and tell the receptionist when you book that you are nervous so they can make a note on your file.

who on earth said a 14 is on the large said, get gone you utter troll, what a horrific comment. That is the smallest I've ever got to since my m/c now politely f*ck off

It's depressing to see how many of you think inadequate healthcare is acceptable, especially when it concerns an intimate female procedure.

Shame on you for piling on to the OP like that.

@Mally2020

who on earth said a 14 is on the large said, get gone you utter troll, what a horrific comment. That is the smallest I've ever got to since my m/c now politely f*ck off

I'm sorry about your MC but as a tall person being a size 14 tips me over in to overweight territory. So yes, size 14 is on the large side.

That's just factual.

I very much doubt the nurse would be sacked. Unless it's a pattern of behaviour with her and there have been other complaints. And if it is a pattern of behaviour, she could well be putting off other women from having smear tests. So she needs telling.

If she's feeling stretched and at risk, why was she pushing for OP to have a smear test during this difficult time?

@SunshineCake

Women who refuse future smear tests after having a painful one or one done by a bitch of a nurse need to think how they are only potentially hurting themselves. They aren't stocking an up yours finger to the nurse. She doesn't care..

I thought the reason HCP's pushed these screenings so much was because they cared about our health?

@Mally2020

who on earth said a 14 is on the large said, get gone you utter troll, what a horrific comment. That is the smallest I've ever got to since my m/c now politely f*ck off

Well I'm a size 12/14 and I'm overweight. Obviously this isn't the same for everyone based on height and BMI, but the average size 14 will be overweight. Thats just the truth.

What IS your point then, SunshineCake ?

@SunshineCake

Women who refuse future smear tests after having a painful one or one done by a bitch of a nurse need to think how they are only potentially hurting themselves. They aren't stocking an up yours finger to the nurse. She doesn't care..

I think that makes it worse somehow . That I should shut up and put up because it’s for my own good . I can’t see that making me want to participate in screening again tbh .

What did work for me incredibly well was seeing my GP (instead of the nurse), who knew me very well and blocked off three appointments . Took it very slowly (ie used graded sizes of speculum) and gave me a lovely cup of tea after . Didn’t get angry, laugh, or tell me to get a grip or force anything .

That service does exist more formally for women who’ve experienced rape or trauma via charity or I think some family planning centres but it’s few and far between sadly .

I’m aware my problems are quite significant but there must be many, many other women in the same boat afraid to go and missing screening because of the assumption that it’s a simple, easy test and you’re the problem if you can’t manage .

@Mally2020

who on earth said a 14 is on the large said, get gone you utter troll, what a horrific comment. That is the smallest I've ever got to since my m/c now politely f*ck off

Some on Mn has a properly fucked up view of sizes vs healthy bodies, especially body shapes. Having a large chest for example, can easily mean having a within-normal BMI but needing a larger top size. You're only healthy on Mumsnet if you stick to 1000 calories a day, and for the love of fuck, never, EVER snack. Unless it's one square of NAICE CHOC for Christmas that some teenyweeny then comes crying to MN about in May that their Greedy Husband has scoffed thinking it was never going to be eaten . It's best not to pay attention to their bizarre BMI obessions, like it's law.

Some on Mn has a properly fucked up view of sizes vs healthy bodies, especially body shapes. Having a large chest for example, can easily mean having a within-normal BMI but needing a larger top size. You're only healthy on Mumsnet if you stick to 1000 calories a day, and for the love of fuck, never, EVER snack. Unless it's one square of NAICE CHOC for Christmas that some teenyweeny then comes crying to MN about in May that their Greedy Husband has scoffed thinking it was never going to be eaten . It's best not to pay attention to their bizarre BMI obessions, like it's law.

I think people massively underestimate how much of an impact medical trauma has.

"Just do it, would you rather you didn't and you developed cancer?"

In some peoples worlds, yes, that is a viable option, they'd rather protect themselves mentally by not partaking in something that could have a catastrophic affect on their mental health (which may also impact physical health) and take their chances with the cancer risk.

Just because you aren't in that position or don't understand people who are, doesn't negate how they feel.

@Sexnotgender

I’m sorry you felt uncomfortable.

A 14/16 is on the large side though and it’s literally her job to discuss this with you.

I think you’re being over sensitive generally.

Since when is Size 14 large? I think it's a fairly average size.

They aren't stocking an up yours finger to the nurse. She doesn't care..

Then that`s even more of a disgrace. I care about all of my patients, I worry about their outcomes. I would be thoroughly ashamed of myself and do whatever I could to make amends if my manner had put a patient off receiving screening or treatment, it goes against everything a HCP should aspire to.

Since when is Size 14 large?
I think it's a fairly average size.

Since when did average = small?
Sadly, like the US, our 'average' is overweight.

Average is definitely overweight in the UK. Shockingly, so. People have developed a warped view of body size/shape and struggle to distinguish between what's 'average' and what's 'healthy'.

@WeAreShiningStars

Average is definitely overweight in the UK. Shockingly, so. People have developed a warped view of body size/shape and struggle to distinguish between what's 'average' and what's 'healthy'.

This. ^

Also, although I have been lucky to have had mostly OK smears (no pain and only mild discomfort etc,) I have had a couple of rather unpleasant ones. One was from a young nurse who was pleasant, but was new to the job, and got the old metal speculum thing (that 'opened' you up tmi!) and she kept opening it til I yelped OW!!

I thought she was trying to bastard split me in half! Then she very gently scraped. 2 months later later, my results came through, and it was 'inconclusive!' Because not enough cells were taken!

So I had to have it done again, but had to wait 3 months (after my results!) 'for the neck of the womb to settle down.' Dragging it out for virtually half a year. Then when I got it redone, I requested a nurse who wasn't a newbie (and explained why!) Second time was OK, and the result negative.

Another time, I got a snotty, brusque nurse, who was quite shirty with me (for NO fucking reason!) Made no conversation, just told me to get my trousers and pants off and get on the bed. Then she instantly came along with the metal speculum bastard, and shoved it in with no warning!

And it hurt. I felt the thing ramming into the neck of my womb. And on the way out she fucking PINCHED me, and I squealed. 'OWWWWWWWWWW!' Her demeanour changed and she went red and said 'oh I am so sorry!'

I actually said (albeit weakly as I was on the verge of tears,) 'I am human you know I do have feelings.' She must have said sorry half a dozen times. I said 'OK! But I hope it's never like that again, for me or any other woman.'

These 2 smears were 'in a row.' 2010 and 2013, and it put me off for AGES. I got a smear reminder in 2016, but didn't go for one til 2018. Luckily, they had a different thing to 'put in' to get them access to your womb. Not the old metal speculum that 'opens,' but a plastic 'whole' thing, and it made the process much better and smoother.